Broken Chances
By: Phoenix Dayze and S.J. Kohl
PG-13—NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters. This fic is pure imagination and is for entertainment only.
Chapter warnings: AU, angst, and death
Chapter One: The Edge of Freedom
The hillside rose up in Zack's vision, taunting and real, a monument in its own right. His steps slowed as the dusty ground sloped up, stretching and rolling towards a final, jagged drop-off. The whole place was barren, deserted, and dead. It was nothing special at all really. But Zack remembered this spot far too well.
It was their spot, his and Cloud's. Those long years of suffering had eventually led them here, to the brink of freedom, and a sudden, unexpected conclusion. Zack swallowed hard against the tight knot in his throat as he forced himself to keep moving forward. He was determined to make it to the top this time. The memories of this place couldn't control him forever. He had to take a stand. He had to face it.
A large outcropping of rock loomed ahead of him, and Zack stared at it, a fierce, daunted look on his face. It hadn't been that long since he'd been here. Not really. It may have been years, or merely minutes, Zack couldn't tell anymore. But it still looked the same.
Wiping a wayward tear from his eye, Zack knelt down by the weather-ravaged stone. There was a dark, faded smear across the surface, and Zack reached out a forcibly steady hand and brushed his fingertips over the mark. Tears welled up in his vision again, and Zack choked them back. His chest ached with cold, vicious pain. Breath ragged, Zack pressed his hand against the stain. "I'm sorry, Cloud." Then the dam was broken and the tears did fall, hot and fast, and his voice turned rough with agonizing sorrow. "I'm so sorry! You never should have trusted me! I…I didn't mean to fail you!"
It was there, riding the edge of the wind. The memories, twisted and raw, and whispering...
Cloud lay limp and far too still in Zack's arms as they made their way up the lifeless hillside, and Zack peered down at him worriedly, hoisting the boy up in his arms. "Come on, Cloud," he whispered in the man's ear, "it's not much farther."
He held his breath momentarily, and waited for Cloud to respond. But there was only silence. Their time in the labs had robbed Cloud of his ability to speak and move. Cruel, terrible things had been done to Cloud there, to both of them. To Hojo and his team of scientists, they had been nothing more than test subjects, research. And they were willing to do anything, anything to achieve success. They had inflicted all manners of pain and terror. They had beaten and bruised them, sliced and diced, manipulated and mutilated, raped and tortured. They had used one of them to control the other, hurting Zack to teach Cloud not to scream, making Cloud scream to teach Zack not to fight. It had been a long, fucked-up circle of endless misery. And the worst part was that eventually, they had broken Cloud's spirit.
Just then, Cloud's foot caught on an outcropping rock, and he stumbled, Zack's secure grip around his waist the only thing that kept him from falling. A pained expression flitted across Cloud's usually blank face and Zack slowed his pace a bit. It wouldn't do either of them any good if he pushed Cloud too hard, despite the hurry they were in. Maybe it was time for a short break.
Carefully, Zack lowered Cloud to the ground, reclining him against the semi-flat face of a large rock. He reached out and gently traced the lines of Cloud's face, smoothing away the stress. "It's alright, Cloud. I know you're tired. We'll rest for a bit, okay? Just relax." He brushed the strands of blond from Cloud's eyes. "You don't have to worry. I'm here. I won't let them hurt you anymore, I promise."
"…Zack…"
Zack nearly jumped out of his skin, his heart pounding wildly at the beloved, long-missed voice. He cupped the man's face, staring into his eyes, searching for a sign of recognition, competency, anything. "Cloud? Cloud, can you hear me? I'm here, Cloudy."
Remarkably, Cloud's eyes slowly began to focus, concentrating on Zack's face hovering over his own. The ghost of a familiar, but nearly forgotten smile washed over his pale features and his lips moved soundlessly as he tried to form the words. "…Zack…I'm here…Zack…"
Zack let out a choked sob of relief, chuckling as he ruffled Cloud's hair lovingly. "You really scared me, Kid. You know that? I was starting to think you were mad at me or something."
There was another weak smile. "Don't call me…Kid."
Nodding, Zack smiled, the first real smile in Shiva knew how long. He gave a final pass through Cloud's hair. "Sorry." Then, "Are you okay?"
"Okay." Cloud's fingers brushed faintly against Zack's arm. "Wanted to tell you…"
"Tell me what, Spikey?"
"Tell you that I…"
A shot rang out, and Zack barreled forward, nearly falling into Cloud. Pain crashed over him, the agonizing spread of a materia charged pulse bullet melting through him. Zack looked down, staring in morbid shock at the gaping hole seared through his body. In some stroke of karmic luck, it had missed his heart, landing squarely between the vital organ and his shoulder. He was vaguely aware of a revving motor in the distance. His assailant was leaving. Or coming closer… He turned back to Cloud. "I'll be right back, Cloud. I…" He stopped dead. "Cloud?" Cloud was still. Still and quiet, lying just as Zack had left him, but the eyes that had just finally begun to see again were now blank and empty, devoid of
Slowly the pieces began to fit together, filling in the blanks in his mind, until Zack understood what had happened. It had been a brilliant strategy, one Zack himself may have used had his life been different. What Zack had assumed to be luck, had been nothing of the kind. His attacker's shot had fired straight and true because Zack had not been the target. Zack had been blocking Cloud, so rather than wait for Zack to move, to chance being discovered or losing his opportunity, their assailant had simply aimed through Zack. Bang. One shot. One perfect, implausible shot. Game over. Mission accomplished.
An aching, wrenching pain boiled up in Zack's chest that threatened to rip him in two, and Zack screamed…
Zack rubbed his fingers absently over the ugly, upraised scar on his chest. It was a constant, painful reminder of what had happened, how he'd failed. A little bit of Cloud's death living inside his skin. It wasn't even close to what he deserved. It was too small, too without sensation, not nearly enough to atone for or pay tribute to the injury he'd caused. Cloud was gone.
But here on the hillside, at the site of his death, something of Cloud still lingered. He was in the earth, on the wind, and his blood was on the stone. Everything that Cloud had been was here, his innocence, his passion, his pain…it all reverberated back to Zack like a never-ending echo. It was almost as though the blast had only dislodged Cloud's spirit from his body and it was still hanging around, waiting to repossess it.
Zack fisted his hands in the loose sand, bowing his head. He closed his eyes, letting the undeniable sensation of Cloud wash over him. The wind howled around him, whispering his name in a voice he could never forget.
Zack. Zack. Zack.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I broke my promise!" Saying it wasn't enough; it was never enough, but the words clawed at him, begging to be free. And in the distance,
Zack. Zack. Zack.
"Please, Cloud…"
Zack. Zack. Zack.
"Please forgive me!"
But there was nothing. Nothing but the echoing wind and a life filled with empty shadows.
tbc...