Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be richer, if I did.
Story: Peeta dies. Katniss isn't returned home and is forced to live in the Capitol. Seneca tries to be her salvation. AU drabbles.
Set AU at the end of the first book, "The Hunger Games."
Spoilers: Just the first book.
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…
Pairings: Seneca/Katniss, ambiguous Gale/Katniss, one-sided (almost not) past Peeta/Katniss.
Caged Nightingale
The Seven Stages of Grief Arc
The Death:
He watched her as indecision warred visibly on her face. Cato of District 2 was ranting while holding onto charming and loveable Peeta, whom the public had come to adore along with her. The poor boy looked absolutely terrified, but it is her that he watches.
The Girl on Fire.
She's trembling slightly, eyes darting between Pitiable Peeta and Callous Cato. He can see very clearly, and he knows that the public can see it just as clear as he does, that she doesn't know what to do and she hadn't made a decision yet on what path to take.
Shoot Cato and risk the two toppling over.
Lay down her bow and risk Cato's wrath.
But Peeta makes a red X on Cato's hand and she understands. So does Cato. And before she can let loose an arrow to strike true, Cato uses momentum and surprise to topple the two boys over the ledge and into the jaws of the waiting wolf mutts, who descend upon them eagerly. She cries out and rushes to the edge and sees them, swallows heavily, and restrings her arrow.
She aims.
Her aim is true.
Her arrow takes out both boys and puts them out of their misery. Katniss Everdeen is this year's winner of the 74th Hunger Games. Her heart breaks. So does his. For her, it's for a boy who loved her and she couldn't save. For him, it's for the girl who lost even though she won –his heart clenches at the heartbroken look on her face.
She cries for the fallen boy and he wants to cry for her.
She's picked up, crowned, and he is approached by President Snow. The President looks at him with cold eyes, mouth set in a stern line, and it's obvious that he's unhappy, even though a single winner has been made like usual and the almost-double-win-never-happened.
"She's a danger," Snow says softly. "I want it taken cared of."
"What do you want me to do?"
"…I think it best she stays. Here. In the Capitol. No use for her to return to her home in District 12, I would think…Yes, I do believe that Katniss Everdeen can just as prosper here."
He understood. The Girl on Fire was to remain here, caged within these walls like a nightingale in a gilded cage, to be held hostage from her home. She was to be imprisoned in the Capitol, in a strange society she didn't belong in.
Seneca Cane hoped her fire didn't burn out.
Shock and Denial:
Her smiles are forced and laden with grief. The public is appropriately sympathetic and understanding, willing to be considerate while also eager to watch her emotions and just her, waiting for the next installment in the drama for their own entertainment.
They're bloodthirsty.
Whether it be actual blood or the emotional and soulful spillage, it was what they wanted to see. It was the Roman era all over again, and the Hunger Games were just revisiting the gladiatorial games of old. And Katniss was the latest victim.
Seneca didn't like the lost look on her face the days following the end of the Hunger Games and the male tribute Peeta.
The train goes on, they celebrate at each district, and every day that passes, the more clear it is that Katniss hadn't quite comprehended her companion's death and that she'd won.
She was quiet, remarkably intelligent, and unflinchingly straightforward at most times. She was uncomplicated, undemanding (it was amazing and strange to meet someone so inclined to be simple and preferred simplicity –nothing too extravagant and she would be easily pleased), and unproblematic about things. She didn't whine or complain or demand anything from anyone. She was as high-maintenance as a goldfish really.
Past victors, as he'd known, tended to be difficult, especially if they came from a higher district. They were taxing on many servants and the rest who had to deal with them. They like to make sure things were a certain way (their way), demand things of others, and make problems for everyone.
Katniss was relatively painless to deal with. Other than her grief and the obvious confusion about Peeta's death.
Still…it was effortless to like her and many around her easily did. She was comfortable to be around, despite her sometimes blunt manner, and there didn't seem to be any trouble becoming relaxed around her, especially as she was usually so calm (aside from her grieving).
All in all, he'd assumed that despite what grief she showed that Katniss was actually coping quite well. He hadn't realized that throughout the tour, she had merely been too shocked about Peeta's death that she'd simply been too numb for anything more than restrained grief (grief that spilled out stronger when she thought no one was looking, and sometimes Seneca, and sometimes even the public, were). Numb enough that she hadn't really and truly comprehended Peeta's death, so much so that she blocked it out and even denied it on some level.
When the shock wears off, he can tell because of the agonizing scream that comes from her closed room. Everyone gazes at her door with unreadable looks and he takes a step forward.
Pain and Guilt:
They hurry the Victory Tour to the end so that Katniss didn't have to deal with it anymore. Her pain is harder to hide, but she's always been a strong girl so she waits until she's behind closed doors (and even then she makes sure to be behind her own closed doors) to break down and cry. She doesn't like people seeing her vulnerable or letting anyone see her cry, and they respectively keep away when she does.
Seneca is always waiting outside her door.
She doesn't know why, nor does she care, so she doesn't question it or ask him why. She just steps out of her room and gives him a polite nod, before forcing herself to socialize a little bit with the others there, just so she could pretend things were normal and that she was fine.
But she can't help the voice in her head that says she's at fault.
She was too slow, she couldn't make up her mind, she let Peeta fall…
And he died not knowing she didn't love him.
That was probably what hurt the most about the whole thing. At the end, she finally realized that he was genuine and she never got to confess.
'Is that true? Are you sure? You really didn't like him?'
"Would you like a vanilla cupcake? I hear they're quite good," Seneca speaks up nonchalantly, and she looks up to see him standing in front of her, elegant fingers delicately holding up an ivory cupcake dashed with cream cheese.
He always was rather good at distracting her.
Anger and Bargaining:
She's angry. She's so angry he could almost picture flames around her already, even though she isn't really on fire. It's just as well that the Girl on Fire could be on fire, even when it's not literal.
On the return trip back to the Capitol, she's tensed and so very angry, but she restrains that anger and doesn't lash out. It's just as well that everyone keeps away, just as respectively for her anger as they did for her cries. She's still grieving and it's best that they don't interfere. Best for her and best for them.
But Seneca persistently and almost masochistically refuses to leave her side or leave her be, making the anger simmer until she just about blows up at him.
"What is your problem?" she bursts out angrily at him.
"I don't have a problem," he replies back quietly. "I just want to make sure you're okay and that you're not alone."
She doesn't understand why, but he doesn't elaborate. It would complicate things too much right now, if he did.
"I want you to stop," she demands something for once. "Just leave me alone! Peeta is dead and I'm tired of everything. I want to go home. I just want to go home…Oh God, home…Peeta's family…what are they thinking…how are they right now…Damn it, this is all your fault!" she growls with a teary glare.
He's at once startled and yet also strangely understanding of the upset accusation, and doesn't say anything against it or to refute it.
"Don't you get how sick these games are?" He's starting to get an idea of that now. "You and everyone else are just sick!"
He doesn't want her to think like that. He doesn't want her to think of that of him.
"What do you all want? What…what do you people want from me? Just tell me…tell me and give Peeta back," he can tell she's refraining from full-on crying now.
He doesn't like her like this. He'd rather her be angry than to look this helpless. And he knows she wouldn't like it either.
"You can't return home. To District 12. President Snow has generously offered you a nice home in the Capitol and has recommended you live in it from now on," he finally tells her, knowing now was the best time to do so, hoping to let her get all her anger out now.
But instead of drawing her ire (as he'd expected and hoped for), she just slumps over and stares at him in disbelief, her expression finally melting into resignation and bitterness as the lines of her body exudes depression. She looks away from him, loneliness starting to creep in, and her eyes deadened just a little more.
He feels horrible.
Depression, reflection, loneliness:
She was quiet after he told her her new living arrangements, and stayed that way until the tour was done and they were back. She's always been quiet, but this was a different quiet. Where before being quiet was just how she was, this type of quiet made her prefer to isolate herself. Before, she had been the quiet girl who didn't mind being around people, despite her trouble talking to others, but now it was the quiet of the empty place where she was supposed to be –the quiet of her slipping away from them not just physically but emotionally and mentally.
She was so set on her depression that she didn't even noticed it.
He could hear her silent sniffling at night when he passes by her door, worried and just a touch of longing. In the day, she reflects and remembers on Peeta, the Hunger Games, and of District 12 and her family. She looks so lonely by herself, her slight figure looking small alone and hunched over.
This was a normal stage for grieving and encouragement was not wanted or needed by others; it was not a good idea or helpful to talk her out of it. So he doesn't.
But that doesn't stop him from sitting next to her and offering silent comfort, slowly reaching over and grabbing her hand, squeezing it comfortingly. She stares at it for a second…before she squeezes back.
It gives him hope.
The Upward Turn:
They already have her new home set up by the time they go back to the Capitol. She was rushed away to it, to get "settled in", but he knows that Snow doesn't want her to be any freer than he allows.
It takes awhile, a month actually, before he gets the permission to see her freely. Her new home is beautiful, with lots of water. It's elegant and simple, gorgeous without being the usual outrageous fashion that the Capitol is known for.
He knows Snow makes it a mockery, a mirror of her while using water to laugh at the Girl on Fire, telling her he would douse her flames and keep her caged.
But she doesn't mention any of this when she welcomes him into her new home, surprised at his presence but looking somewhat happier than the last time he saw her.
"Mr. Crane, what a surprise. Is there a reason for your visit?" she quietly asks him, getting straight to the point.
"Just visiting."
Her eyes look at him in amazement before a pleased light enters them, and she leads him around her new home for a tour.
In return, he shows her how to make the lamb stew she so loves from the Capitol.
Reconstruction and Working Through:
She still gets chest pains when thinking about Peeta or sometimes of District 12, but the physical symptoms of her grief are lessening as time passes. The depression she's been stuck in are lifting a little and she's starting to smile, even if slightly, again now.
Everything has calmed a little; she's no longer running and fighting for her life and she's not in extreme pain at the thought of her home or of Peeta anymore. She's trying to organize herself into her new life a little. She does little things to get herself settled in and adjust to the new structure of her home; she gets things in order so that she has the least difficulty of fitting in with this society (though she knows she'll never completely fit in or feel comfortable).
Seneca Crane, a man she had never been close to prior to meeting him after winning or knew personally, was actually a big help.
He helps her sort out things in her new home and helps her decorate it more to her taste and so she could feel more homely in it. He's the one who arranges things for her, gets the contacts she needs, put things together she never thought she would need, and talk to people she didn't know but needed to or at least needed their help. He's kind and sometimes even sweet as he works on categorizing and prioritizing her needs and wants from the most important to the least. He manages to settle her down and keep her from completely breaking apart, knowing she would without him there.
In fact, it is his very presence that helps her the most.
Acceptance and Hope:
The first thing she does without his help, she actually finds a job on her own (though she doesn't need it with the money and spoils she gets from winning the games). Singing at a lounge room at night for four hours, while diners enjoyed their food and the music. He'll have to check it out one of these days and actually be able to hear her voice (he remembers her sweet, sweet lullaby to poor, little Rue, but her voice was so emotional and clogged with tears –even if it does still sounds so beautiful to his ears).
He comes by, bringing a jabberjay in a cage to give her as a pet, proud of her first step on her own in the Capitol and so that her home is a little bit less lonely and that she has a companion.
She stares at it before a bitter smile crosses her lips and he flinches back, not expecting and not wishing for that reaction.
"I know why I'm here, Mr. Crane. I know I'm not here to be happy and be rewarded for being the victor. This is my punishment for being…defiant, or so President Snow sees me as."
He couldn't refute that, though he hadn't expected her to understand already or speak about it so plainly and out in the open.
"He sees you as dangerous," he quietly adds.
She flinches this time.
"Peeta is dead," she says calmly, though an undercurrent of grief is still there. It's normal, he knows. And even years later, he knows the grief will be there –though hopefully extremely lightened by then. "I am stuck here and I probably won't ever be able to leave."
She understands now that Peeta is dead and not coming, and there isn't anything she can do about it. She knows her place in President Snow's mind, and knows exactly what her situation is. She accepts those to be truth and doesn't shy away from it.
"I have lived in the poorest part of the poorest district," she murmurs. "I have lived through your games and have had yet another loved one taken from me, while I will be kept away from the others and my home. But I won't let this place win; I will force myself to move on. I refuse to let myself rot away here."
He knows that accepting her new lot in life and these new truths are hard for her, and that she won't be instantly happy. But accepting them really will help her move on, this he knows for certain. To deny would prolong the pain and force her to be stagnant. But now she has a chance…now she can try to at least move forward or try to find a way to.
He glimpses the mockingjay pin pinned firmly on her collar and smiles to himself. The symbol of rebellion is front and center at her throat, and signals that she's not ready to lie down and be quiet just yet.
The Girl on Fire is still burning.
Started 3/23/12 –Completed 3/24/12
A/n: So, I do actually really like Peeta, and even Gale, but I'm always the strange one to ship odd pairings and find it more interesting to write them, while enjoying (or dismissing, in some cases) canon pairings in the original sources.
I'm trying to write in book-verse, as I always prefer to, but as I've yet to read the series (hopefully I can soon), all I have to go by is the movie and research. So I hope I'm not too off on anything –I tried to be okay with their characters, while fitting to the actual stages of grief, but you know…
I hope everyone enjoyed, so please review if you do! The next chapter should be "Methods of Communication" and maybe "Phobias (PartI)". I might also make this into a separate full-length fic later on too.