Author's Note: written for a romione contest over on DA because I realised id never written anything during their time at Hogwarts before, not quite so fluffy as usual because Hermione is rather angry/miserable
Happy New Year.
Hermione was crying again. It really was very annoying, especially when her parents kept asking her what was wrong, but she just couldn't seem to…help it, these days. Of course it was all Ron's fault, Ron and his Lav Lav… she closed her eyes as another wave of angry tears and let out a small moan of frustration with herself.
"Hermione?"
Her dad was looking owlishly at her over the back of the sofa, his face creased with concern. She managed a sort of squeaky, questioning noise in response, determinedly looking the other way.
"Hermione love, come and sit with us dear, the fireworks are going to start in a minute."
She covertly blew her nose on a tissue she had found in her pocket, and managed a slightly wobbly:
"I…I don't really feel like it Dad, I've got a bit of a headache, think I'll go to bed if no one minds…"
Her mother looked around then, and sought out her brown eyes with her own hazel ones, her voice soft but firm.
"It's New Years Eve darling, and we won't have you around for much longer…so come and sit down, please."
Hermione didn't have much inclination to argue, so she just smiled as best she could and shuffled over to join her parents, inconspicuously wiping her eyes with her sleeve as she went.
Her mum slipped an arm around her as she sat between them and she felt for a moment a little ashamed of how immaturely she'd been acting since she came home.
The Grangers had never been people for parties or making much out of special occasions, but even by their standards this year's celebrations had been tame. No relatives came to stay for Christmas, the decorations were tidied up and put away almost indecently early and the whole house seemed to have a strange, hollow feeling which made any attempt at joviality feel faintly alien. This new year's eve , for example, Had been completely lacking the usual family jokes and squabbling over who got to play the shoe in monopoly, they'd all just stared blankly for a while at the television (or at homework in Hermione's case) ,waiting to go to bed.
Hermione supposed that, to a certain extent, this was just the combined result of direct fear and the fact that there were so many dementors around, but she still couldn't shake off the feeling that a lot of it was down to her, the strange feeling of falling down an endless black hole that had begun the moment she's seen him kissing her was perhaps becoming infectious.
"Arse"
She muttered under her breath.
"What was that darling?" said her Dad vaguely.
"Nothing Dad."
"mmm"
Another few minutes of silence, and then the blonde guy on the television began to bounce around annoyingly, rallying the crowd into the usual chorus of:
"10, 9, 8, 7…."
"Make a wish everyone!" Said Hermione's mother, smiling a bit and nudging them encouragingly.
A wish…thought Hermione gloomily, what was there really to wish for? Of course there were plenty of things she would like to change: maybe for Voldemort to take up origami instead of murder, or for her best friend not to nearly get killed every year, or not to fail her NEWTs…but all those things seemed a bit beyond the reach of a simple new year's wish…it should be something that she just needed help with, something she just needed a bit of luck to achieve, like Felix Felicis. The image of Ron's smug face after he'd found out he'd saved all those goals without help from a lucky potion came, unbidden, to the forefront of her mind…that little- that was it, Ron.
"…5,4,3,2,1,HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
Fireworks exploded across the screen, and Hermione heard the appreciative whoops of the neighbours as if from a long distance, simply putting all of herself into thinking:
"Please let me let him go…please…please help me to stop loving him."
It came as a slight shock that she really let herself think the L word…but no real surprise and it caused her only the smallest twinge of misery…she had let it go on for much too long, it seemed to intensify and hurt her more every year, it was time to let go.
Her mother was looking at her strangely, head tilted to one side so that her soft brown hair fell in a curtain, and Hermione realised she must have zoned out for a minute.
"Ok?"
"Yeah Mum, great…erm …Happy New Year!"
"Happy New Year Darling."
They hugged and then silently went their separate ways to bed, leaving her Father asleep on the sofa.
I can do it, she thought, I can do it.
From on she was better, happier, she chatted to her Mum and listened to her Dad complaining about next-door's Christmas lights, she completed all her homework and if Ron did still occasionally crop up in her dreams and thoughts it was not at all her fault. She looked forward to going back to Hogwarts and seeing Harry again and hearing the "important news" he apparently had to tell her, and to visiting Hagrid and working hard. She managed to retain this sense of equilibrium all the way up to about 2 hours and 16 minutes after she had returned to the castle. Then she saw him.
He was standing at the base of Gryffindor tower with Harry and Ginny, arguing with the Fat Lady about the new password. His hair had grown a bit longer over the holidays, and he brushed it out of his eyes impatiently as he spoke, his ears already burning the familiar shade of scarlet. His robes were too short (had he grown again?) so that she caught a glimpse of white ankle above the elastic of his maroon socks… he just looked so typically…like Ron.
Her stomach fluttered alarmingly. No- no- he was Ron, he had made an idiot out of her and was going out with Lavender Brown and she wasn't meant to be allowing herself to think about him in that way anymore. She ordered herself instead to look at Harry and Ginny, they were standing quite close together and both watching Ron with light amusement, she saw Harry quickly glance at Ginny and then look away guiltily and Hermione managed to regain a bit of her composure, even smile a little…those two. She took a deep breath and then ran to meet them.
"Harry! Ginny!"
During their quick conversation she forced herself not to look at Ron, not to even acknowledge he was there…but some part of her just wanted more than anything to turn around and give him a hug. She struggled with herself for a few minutes, only half focusing on what Harry was saying. Then Lavender turned up and she found she could look at Ron easily now, because seeing him with her quashed all tenderness and left only burning resentment. Maybe giving him up was going to be easier than she thought.
As Harry led her over to a table, she allowed herself one glance over her shoulder at the two of them, locked at the lips and looking like they were in some kind of vertical wrestling match. As she watched, Ron surfaced and, just for a second, his eyes met hers, looking both confused and embarrassed. She threw him a look of deepest contempt and turned away, feeling only the slightest twinge of guilt.