Awkward Furt: Chapter One

A/N: First in a three-part Furt dialogue fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

"This is all your fault."

"How is it my fault?"

"Finn, for as long as we both shall live; it will always be your fault."

"That's a bit harsh."

"I think its fine, considering the circumstances."

"Dude, it's not that bad."

"Finn, we are trapped in a freaking closet!"

"I'm sorry okay! How was I to know the door doesn't open from the inside?"

"Why did you bring me in here anyway?"

"I wanted to show you something funny."

"Well, what is it?"

"Look at this toilet cleaning stuff; it's called 'Poo Away!' Isn't that hilarious? I think it's Japanese or something."

"..."

"..."

"YOU BROUGHT ME HERE FOR THAT?"

"You don't think that's funny?"

"NO FINN, I DO NOT THINK THAT IT IS FUNNY!"

"Alright I'm sorry, jeez stop shouting, you're hurting my ears."

"Oh, you're lucky that's all I'm hurting. I can't get any reception on my cell, can you?"

"No, but its fine, Puck knows we're in here. I told him I was showing you this stuff."

"Puck knows we're locked in here?"

"Well he knows I was taking you here, when I don't get back to him, I'm sure he'll come looking for us."

"I wouldn't hold your breath Finn."

"Why not?"

"Can you imagine what it would be like if you thought Puck was locked in a Janitors' closet? What would you do?"

"Are you kidding, I'd think it was hilarious and probably leave him in there for a few hou- Oh, right."

"And he catches on."

"We're going to be here for a while, aren't we?"

"Better get comfortable, dear brother."

"What are you doing?"

"Sitting down."

"On an upturned mop bucket?"

"Better that than the floor?"

"Well where am I gonna sit?

"Pick a spot."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"It's hot in here."

"Two people in a confined space without proper air ventilation, of course it's hot in here Finn, and it's only going to get worse."

"Hang on, no air ventilation? Does that mean we're gonna suffocate?"

"No, Finn. I highly doubt we will suffocate, but it probably will get a little toasty in here."

"Oh, well that's alright. Heat I can handle, lack of air, not so much."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

"..."

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"..."

"..."

"Aren't you hot?"

"Not really. Some of those outfits that I wear are a little uncomfortable, too tight or too itchy and so on. As a result my body has been trained to operate at unpleasant temperatures. I can barely notice this heat."

"If those clothes are so uncomfortable, then why do you keep wearing them?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. You know I can't live without my labels."

"You're weird."

"And you're ignorant of taste."

"..."

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"..."

"..."

"Finn what are you doing?"

"Taking off my shirt, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Yes Finn I see that, but why?"

"Cos it's like a million degrees in here man."

"It's really not that bad."

"Yeah maybe not for you, we're not all lizards."

"Lizards?"

"Well yeah, lizards live in warm places. They prefer the heat. You prefer the heat, ergo, you're a lizard."

"Ergo? I wasn't aware you knew what that word means."

"Rachel got me a word-a-day calendar. It's starting to come in handy."

"And yet the dictionary I got you last year is being used to prop up your video games. Thirty dollars well spent."

"Dude that thing is freakin' enormous. It'll take me like ten years to read it."

"Then I suggest you get started."

"..."

"..."

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"..."

"Okay, I'm freaking melting here. Are you seriously telling me you this heat doesn't bother you?"

"Well, I have to admit, I'm starting to notice it now."

"Then loosen up your shirt or something."

"Finn, it took me forty-five minutes to put on this outfit this morning. I actually had to sew myself into it. It'll probably take just as much work to take it off."

"Well I need to do something."

"It better not be what I think it is."

"Which is?"

"Removing your pants."

"Dude my legs are on fire! These jeans are practically burning them."

"I don't care. You are not shedding any more clothing."

"But Kurt!"

"But nothing, we are still on school grounds remember."

"It's four thirty, there's no-one here!"

"Tough."

"Kuuuuurrrrttt."

"FINE!"

"Thank you so much."

"..."

"..."

"Ahh, that's much better."

"Power Rangers Finn? Really?"

"Hey shut up! These are my favourite boxers; I've had them for years."

"Clearly, look at the state of them. Remind me to burn them for you later."

"No! I love these things!"

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"Kurt, can I ask you something?"

"I swear Finn; if you want to take off those disgusting underpants I will squirt that toilet cleaner in your eyes. I have to draw the line somewhere."

"No not that, but good to know."

"Then what did you want to ask."

"It's kinda personal."

"Finn, you're lying two feet away from me in your underwear, I think we've crossed personal."

"Well..."

"Yes Finn? Spit it out?"

"It's just, how come I've never seen you without a shirt on?"

"Excuse me?"

"In all the time we've been brothers, and even before, I don't think I've ever seen you shirtless. Like even when we were on the football team together, you always stayed as covered up as possible in the locker room."

"And this bothers you?"

"No, I just it weird."

"Weird?"

"Yeah, you never ever have your shirt off. Like when we went to the lake last summer, you even went swimming in a top."

"Well Finn, if you must know. I'm very self-confident about my body. I don't like revealing myself to people, unless I absolutely have to, like at the doctor."

"Yeah I guess I can understand that. I used to be weird about my body last year."

"How'd you get over it?"

"Walked down the hallway in my underwear."

"Ohh, so that's why you did that. I always wondered. You know, it's a miracle you weren't suspended."

"Well Figgins isn't the best principal, Mr. Shue talked him out of it."

"Anyway, needless to say, I won't be doing that anytime soon."

"Yeah I wouldn't advise it. But I don't see why you you're so uptight about it, surely finding Blaine has caused you too loosen up a bit."

"Can we drop this?"

"..."

"..."

"Bet Blaine's seen."

"Well he's my boyfriend, Finn. And it took me a long time to build up the courage to show him."

"I just think, out of all the people who should see you without a shirt on, I should be one of them."

"Why?"

"Because it's like a normal thing between brothers to see each other like that. I mean look at me, I'm lying at your feet in my underwear."

"Finn, we haven't been brothers that long, it's not like we grew up together. And how do you know that? You were an only child for seventeen years."

"I see on TV, or when I visit my cousins in Chicago, they see each other like that all the time."

"Alright, so I'm a little bit of a prude, now we can we please change the topic."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"..."

"..."

"Heh, heh."

"What's so funny Finn?"

"Well, it's like I said, I'm lying at your feet in my underwear."

"Yes, and I'm doing my very best not to burn my eyes out with the chemicals in this room."

"It's just, two years ago, the sight of me like this, would've driven you wild."

"Oh my God!"

"Back then I felt awkward if we stood too close, and yet now I have no trouble stripping off in front of you."

"It's called growth Finn, now must you remind me of that time?"

"What? I think it's funny."

"Well I was an idiot back then. I made a lot of mistakes, or have you forgotten my Mellencamp phase."

"Forgotten it? Are you kidding? I took tons of pictures, I plan on showing everyone them when I make my best man speech."

"Best man speech?"

"Yeah, that's right. It's going to be hilarious."

"Finn, you are aware that I'm not getting married, right?"

"Yeah but you will someday. And when it comes, I'll have to make a best man toast, and embarrass the hell out of you."

"What makes you think you're going to be my best man when I get married?"

"Well who else are you going to ask? I'm your closest guy friend and your big brother."

"Finn I'm three months older than you, and I believe I have a say in if I want my step-brother to be my best man or not."

"I don't like that word."

"What word?"

"Step-brother."

"Well Finn, that's what we are, my father married your mother, that makes us step-brothers."

"Yeah I know, but I don't like the 'step' part. It's like trying it's trying to distance itself. Like we aren't really brothers, you know? And I don't know what I'd do if we weren't brothers. You and Burt are like the best things that have ever happened to me."

"..."

"..."

"That's really sweet Finn."

"Thanks."

"And don't worry, I won't tell Rachel that you think I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and not her."

"Uh thanks, I appreciate that."

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"How long have we been in here?"

"About an hour."

"My God I'm gonna kill Puck."

"Get in line."

"I'm hungry, so so hungry. I'd kill for some pizza right now. And I'm hot, so very very hot. Look at me, I'm covered in sweat."

"I see that, perhaps you'd like a squeegee to wipe it all off."

"I know you're joking, but that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"What's that noise?"

"Probably the sound of my stomach eating itself."

"There's someone coming."

"Really?"

"Hey! We're in trapped in the closet!"

"Oh, Hummel, the amount of jokes I could make with statement."

"Puckerman, you let us out of here right now, or I swear to God I will make your death as painful and as bloody as possible."

"Alright, calm down fairy, I'm opening the door now."

"..."

"What the HELL took you so long?"

"I thought it would be fun to let you two stew in there. Hudson, where are your clothes?"

"It was hot in there."

"I'm sure it was, all that sex you guys were probabl-"

"PUCK!"

"Alright, I'm shutting my mouth, just like I'm sure you did after you sucked -"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Alright, I'm going. Later homos."

"..."

"..."

"Finn why are you friends that guy?"

"I don't know, convenience?"

"..."

"Hey Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"I really am sorry about all this."

"I know Finn. And I suppose it really wasn't that bad. I mean I could have been locked in there with Puck."

"Yeah, that would have sucked."

"..."

"..."

"Hey Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you say we go get some pizza?"

"Awesome dude! I knew I loved you."

"Finn stop hugging me, and put some damn clothes on!"

"Oh, sorry."

To Be Continued...

Please read & review, chapter two will be up soon.