Disclaimer: I do not own Lupin III. I do not own any of its characters,
either, or any of the songs quoted in chapter titles or chapter headings.
Heck, I don't even own the computer on which I wrote this. And I definitely
didn't make any money off of this little project. And so, having addressed
the formalities, here goes:
Ch. 1: ...And The Living Is Easy
"Taxman's taken all my dough, and left me in my stately home, lazing on a sunny afternoon..." --The Kinks, "Sunny Afternoon"
Arsene Lupin III watched, mesmerized, as Fujiko rubbed sunscreen into her pale, perspiring skin. Her hands worked their way along her calves, over her thighs, and hovered briefly at her stomach. When they traced along the lines of her bikini top, running over the tops of those marvelous breasts, Lupin could no longer repress a small, impatient, undeniably horny sigh. Fujiko giggled.
"Silly Lupin, you're not wearing any sunscreen! You'll burn to an absolute crisp!"
She stood up toweling some excess lotion off of her chest, and walked over to his pool chair, sunscreen in hand. An intoxicating mix of coconut oil and Chanel No. 5 reached Lupin's nose as she sat down at his feet and cooed, "want some of mine?" Lupin's head swam.
"Ohhhh, Fuji-cakes," he groaned. "You know I do..."
"Why, what do you...oh, Lupin!" Fujiko laughed. "You naughty boy!" She leaned over him, and as he tilted his head up to kiss her, she whispered again "Lupin."
"Oh, Fujiko!"
"Lupin," she repeated, her voice more insistent. Her voice was also deeper than normal, he noticed. And she wasn't cooing anymore.
"Fuji-cakes?"
"LU-PIN" this new deep voice bellowed. Fujiko's features began to melt away before his astonished eyes, revealing black hair, an olive complexion, and...a beard?
Arsene Lupin III awoke with a shout, and found himself face-to-face with the man who'd invaded his dream. "Aaah! Ew! Bleah! Damn it, Jigen!" He floundered and fell off the sofa in a heap.
Daisuke Jigen just snorted and lit a cigarette. "Kill your buzz or something?" Lupin picked himself up and rubbed his eyes, grumbling.
"Let's just say pink bikinis don't suit you." Jigen raised an eyebrow, and then decided he didn't even want to know, and wouldn't even ask.
"They don't suit your mother, either," he retorted. "Anyway, the Fujiko Fantasy Hour is going to have to go on temporary hiatus. It's almost time to go." Lupin stuck out his tongue as the gunman turned to leave the room.
When Jigen had gone, he flopped back onto the sofa, hands folded beneath his head, and closed his eyes again. "Mmm," he said, "coconut oil..."
"DAMN IT, LUPIN..." Lupin growled in frustration and sprung up from the couch again.
"ALL RIGHT," he hollered. "I'm on my way!"
A few moments later, Lupin walked out to the driveway, where his companions had been waiting for him in their car of choice, a vintage convertible. He climbed--a little too eagerly--over Fujiko, eliciting a squeal of protest, and dropped into the back seat. Goemon, wearing his best "perturbed samurai" face, simply nodded a greeting to his seatmate.
"It's about friggin' time," Jigen snarled as he turned out of the driveway, picking up speed. "This old roadster doesn't idle well. It's bad for the engine."
"Bitch, bitch, bitch," said Lupin, leaning over from the back seat to snatch away Jigen's hat. "What's with you today, huh? Feeling your age or something?"
"Oh, why don't you leave him alone, Lupin," the still-indignant Fujiko jumped in. She took back Jigen's hat and placed it gently on his head. The gunman grunted his thanks. "After all," she added, "you were the one who needed the afternoon nap."
"I didn't need it for the rest, Fuji-Cakes, if you know what I mean." Lupin snickered and gave her a wink. Fujiko made a noise of disgust and sat back in her seat, arms folded over her chest.
"Pervert," she muttered.
"Indeed," Goemon chimed in. "That was an abundance of undesired information." Lupin snorted.
"That's what I'm here for," he chirped. "All right, then. Now that we're all here, let's see some game faces, kids." He leaned back in his seat, basking in the sunlight, and shouted to the surrounding countryside, "This one's going to be a heist for the record books!"
Ch. 1: ...And The Living Is Easy
"Taxman's taken all my dough, and left me in my stately home, lazing on a sunny afternoon..." --The Kinks, "Sunny Afternoon"
Arsene Lupin III watched, mesmerized, as Fujiko rubbed sunscreen into her pale, perspiring skin. Her hands worked their way along her calves, over her thighs, and hovered briefly at her stomach. When they traced along the lines of her bikini top, running over the tops of those marvelous breasts, Lupin could no longer repress a small, impatient, undeniably horny sigh. Fujiko giggled.
"Silly Lupin, you're not wearing any sunscreen! You'll burn to an absolute crisp!"
She stood up toweling some excess lotion off of her chest, and walked over to his pool chair, sunscreen in hand. An intoxicating mix of coconut oil and Chanel No. 5 reached Lupin's nose as she sat down at his feet and cooed, "want some of mine?" Lupin's head swam.
"Ohhhh, Fuji-cakes," he groaned. "You know I do..."
"Why, what do you...oh, Lupin!" Fujiko laughed. "You naughty boy!" She leaned over him, and as he tilted his head up to kiss her, she whispered again "Lupin."
"Oh, Fujiko!"
"Lupin," she repeated, her voice more insistent. Her voice was also deeper than normal, he noticed. And she wasn't cooing anymore.
"Fuji-cakes?"
"LU-PIN" this new deep voice bellowed. Fujiko's features began to melt away before his astonished eyes, revealing black hair, an olive complexion, and...a beard?
Arsene Lupin III awoke with a shout, and found himself face-to-face with the man who'd invaded his dream. "Aaah! Ew! Bleah! Damn it, Jigen!" He floundered and fell off the sofa in a heap.
Daisuke Jigen just snorted and lit a cigarette. "Kill your buzz or something?" Lupin picked himself up and rubbed his eyes, grumbling.
"Let's just say pink bikinis don't suit you." Jigen raised an eyebrow, and then decided he didn't even want to know, and wouldn't even ask.
"They don't suit your mother, either," he retorted. "Anyway, the Fujiko Fantasy Hour is going to have to go on temporary hiatus. It's almost time to go." Lupin stuck out his tongue as the gunman turned to leave the room.
When Jigen had gone, he flopped back onto the sofa, hands folded beneath his head, and closed his eyes again. "Mmm," he said, "coconut oil..."
"DAMN IT, LUPIN..." Lupin growled in frustration and sprung up from the couch again.
"ALL RIGHT," he hollered. "I'm on my way!"
A few moments later, Lupin walked out to the driveway, where his companions had been waiting for him in their car of choice, a vintage convertible. He climbed--a little too eagerly--over Fujiko, eliciting a squeal of protest, and dropped into the back seat. Goemon, wearing his best "perturbed samurai" face, simply nodded a greeting to his seatmate.
"It's about friggin' time," Jigen snarled as he turned out of the driveway, picking up speed. "This old roadster doesn't idle well. It's bad for the engine."
"Bitch, bitch, bitch," said Lupin, leaning over from the back seat to snatch away Jigen's hat. "What's with you today, huh? Feeling your age or something?"
"Oh, why don't you leave him alone, Lupin," the still-indignant Fujiko jumped in. She took back Jigen's hat and placed it gently on his head. The gunman grunted his thanks. "After all," she added, "you were the one who needed the afternoon nap."
"I didn't need it for the rest, Fuji-Cakes, if you know what I mean." Lupin snickered and gave her a wink. Fujiko made a noise of disgust and sat back in her seat, arms folded over her chest.
"Pervert," she muttered.
"Indeed," Goemon chimed in. "That was an abundance of undesired information." Lupin snorted.
"That's what I'm here for," he chirped. "All right, then. Now that we're all here, let's see some game faces, kids." He leaned back in his seat, basking in the sunlight, and shouted to the surrounding countryside, "This one's going to be a heist for the record books!"