Muggle Party Games: Where Everyone's a Winner Except the Ass by Luvscharlie
Warnings: Naughty language, implied cousincest, insensitive boys (hey, bra stuffing is serious business at Hogwarts and not to be taken lightly… or blabbed about!), undrage (though there's no sex) and blatant abuse of an Ass.
A/N: Originally written for the 2011 hp_nextgen_fest on Live Journal for the prompt of "Hugo/Lily Luna: The first time was because X dared them to kiss, each and every time after that was because they just couldn't stop. Thank you to seatbeltdrivein for the beta work.
Lily's eyes were wide and scared when the bottle, seeming to move in slow motion, pointed directly at her. "What does that mean?" she asked, looking up at Megan Lennox, the self-designated host of the secret party presently taking place in the Room of Requirement.
Megan rolled her eyes. "I swear, Lily, sometimes you don't listen to a word I say."
No more than she had to, that was a fact, Lily thought.
"I've told you and told you! When the bottle points to you, the Muggles say the person who spun it has to kiss you."
Lily looked at the Hugo, who stared right back at her from the other end of the bottle in horror. "I can't kiss him! He's my cousin!"
Megan frowned and then gave Lily a harsh look. "The rules don't make exceptions for relatives. Now don't be a cheater, Lily Potter," she chided. Megan's tone became more demanding with her next sentence. "Pucker up!"
"I really don't think this Muggle Party Games Night thing is going the way it's supposed to," Lily retorted.
Megan, who had been planning out this secret party for weeks, pulled a face of utter mortification. "I have no idea what you could possibly mean by that. Everything is going exactly as planned," she said.
"Exactly?" Lily asked, doing her best to stall. She had no desire to kiss Hugo Weasley. "Exactly?" she repeated, adding a dose of incredulity to her tone.
"Yes. Muggle Games Night is well on the way to being the best party of the year."
"Your first Muggle game was checkers."
Megan patted the head of the small white dog drooling beside her, his tail wagging and thumping against the floor in rapid succession. "Yes, and isn't he the most adorable thing?"
"The Room gave you a dog!" Lily screeched.
"Yes, but the tag on his collar says that his name is Checkers." She scratched the dog's ear and puckered her lips up into a kissy-face. "And what a cute widdle boy he is, too. Yes, he is. Yes, he is."
"If you're done talking to the dog like he's a baby and looking like a fool in the process, perhaps you'll admit that the Room is royally fucked these days." No one ever said Lily was one to gloss over the hard truths… or to make friends in the process.
"It's not the Room's fault that Muggles have twokinds of checkers, now is it? I mean, it tries. But it just hasn't been quite the same since—you know." Megan lowered her voice conspiratorially with the last two words.
Lily did know. Nobody talked about the long ago Battle of Hogwarts inside the Room of Requirement. The Room had never fully recovered from the damage it had suffered on that fateful day, and while it was still quite magical and still gave you what you needed—well, it tried to, anyway—it just wasn't always, well, the rightthing. The Room was quite sensitive about it.
But she still wasn't kissing Hugo. Stalling was the name of Lily's game-of-the-moment. "And your second game?"
"What? It did that one right!" Megan insisted. "I asked for a picture of a donkey and some tails to pin on it. The room provided it."
"The donkey screams and runs away every time you go near it with a pin!"
"Can I help it that Muggles are heartless creatures who like to torment defenceless donkeys during birthday parties? I think not. You cannot blame the Room, or me for that matter, for the Muggles' short-comings."
Lily lost her patience. "The room has gone mental!" She stomped her foot in frustration on the spotted colourful circles that the room had supplied them and, unfortunately, had brought her heel down on the hand of an oddly contortioned Janet Creevey. The girl squealed and brought a pack of people tumbling down, all stretched out with arms and feet on different coloured dots.
The Room had had enough.
They stood, the entire group, facing what was once a door but was now no more than a stone wall in the seventh floor corridor.
"Well, now look what you did! Went and got us kicked out with that little tantrum you threw!" Megan screeched. "All my planning—all that research into Muggle party games—all for naught! You've ruined the entire year. And you broke Janet's freshly manicured nail, which is maybe even worse." She turned toward Lily with a vicious scowl.
Talk about a drama queen! Though those were some admittedly nice nails… you know, before the Twister tower came tumbling down.
"You just had to go and piss it off, didn't you?" Megan's hands were on her hips and Lily noted that all eyes were on her in anticipation of some response that might make sense of why they were all now without a room or adequate supplies for their party. Even Checkers the Dog had been taken away by the Room.
"Think of it this way," Lily said with a large gulp. "I did save the donkey from any more horrible stabs in the bum." She chuckled softly, in hopes someone might find her attempt at humour amusing.
No one did.
She began to slink away, but the crowd moved in closer. "Oh, no you don't." Megan grabbed Lily by one arm and some large boy that Lily didn't even remember being in the room did the same to Hugo. "You may have ruined our party, but you aren't going to weasel out of this kiss, Potter."
"No need insulting weasels," Hugo said with all seriousness. "They're really remarkable creatures, you know, and—" He never had the chance to finish. Lily was swallowing down his words as Megan held their heads together, lips and teeth clanking in a painfully horrifying kiss.
It was the worst kiss of Lily's life. She even thought Hugo bit her because there was a red mark on the inside of her lip that looked like a tooth print. Of course, she couldn't be sure if it was a bite mark because the pain she'd been concentrating on at the time was the pain from when Megan cracked both of their heads together. And her nose had been squished, too!
Lily was accosted by her cousin in the corridor after Potions Class the following day.
"You've been telling everyone I'm a terrible kisser!" Hugo said after the hallway had cleared as everyone headed to the Great Hall for lunch.
"I have not," Lily defended. Not everyone anyway. Sure, she'd told Margaret and Ellen, and they might have mentioned it to Astrid and Inga, but that certainly wasn't everyone.
"You have too, and now all the girls are sniggering behind their hands when I pass by them! And when I asked Midge Thompson to go to Hogsmeade this weekend, do you know what she said?"
"I can't imagine how I would know any such thing." She did, in fact, know. The girls had been talking about it all morning, and Lily couldn't help but overhear.
"She said when I learned what to do with my tongue she might be interested in letting me kiss her. Until then, she wasn't going to give me a chance to bite her tongue off, and instead, she'd be going to Hogsmeade this weekend with Scorpius Malfoy."
"In all fairness, you do have sharp teeth, and I've never heard rumour of Scorpius biting anyone."
Hugo glared. "I demand a do-over," he said through clenched (albeit sharp and pointy) teeth.
"What? Don't be absurd. I am notkissing you again."
"Fine. I'm telling everyone that you stuff your bra with toilet tissue and that's the only reason you have such a big rack."
"You can't do that!" Lily shouted. She caught the admission, just a little too late. "I mean, I do not!" She tried to recover, and failed.
Hugo was calm, a slight smile turning up the corner of his mouth in the knowledge that he now had the upper hand. "I can and I will, Tissue Titties."
"Argh!" Lily stamped her foot in frustration. "Don't you ever call me that again!" She crossed her arms over her breasts protectively… if a bit guiltily. Damn the nosy sod for discovering her secret. She was going to kick the hell out of Rose if she was the one who blabbed.
"Tonight at half-nine on top of the Astronomy Tower."
"Oh, just do it now and get it over with." Lily wasn't about to drag this out. She puckered up and closed her eyes, but no lips touched her and no teeth sank into her tender flesh.
"Nobody's rushing me this time. Be there, or tomorrow everyone will know your secret."
"Blackmailing bastard," Lily muttered at his back. "And how is anyone going to know, anyway? This isn't going to help your reputation one bit. Merlin, how dim can one boy be?"
"Trust me; you won't be able to keep it a secret. No one who's kissed by me can."
"That bad, huh?"
"No. That good."
Well, someone was certainly full of himself. Without any justification, too. Lily had the mark on her lip to prove it. "Lip biter," she muttered before stomping away.
"You came," Hugo said as Lily stepped out onto the top of the tower. She never had liked it up here. She and high places mixed about as well as Viper Venom and Veritaserum.
And poor Professor Longbottom could give a lecture on how well Viper Venom and Veritaserum mixed. Sure, one made you tell the truth, which was a good thing, but the other made you really vicious about it. It gave new meaning to the phrase, 'the truth hurts.'
When someone had slipped it to Professor Longbottom as a prank during dinner in the Great Hall, he'd told Chastina McCammon, right there in front of the entire school, that as much as he'd like to grab hold of her tits and give them a good squeeze, if it meant he had to look at her face while doing it, he was just going to have to pass. Poor Professor Longbottom. That had got him in a world of trouble with the Headmaster and the Board of Governors. Lily didn't think he'd called on Chastina in class since then. Not that Chastina had been too upset about the whole ordeal. Chastina was a glass half-full kind of girl. All she'd really heard was that Professor Longbottom thought she had amazing tits, and after that her jumpers for Herbology class were magically altered to be much lower cut.
"I really didn't think you'd come," Hugo said, jarring her from her thoughts on Chastina's tit-showing jumpers.
"You left me little choice."
"All the girls say you stuff anyway. So, I wasn't sure if it was threat enough to get you here."
"Well, I'm here. And—wait, what? Who says I stuff? If it's Fay Callister, I swear, I'll rip open her blouse in the middle of breakfast tomorrow to show the world who reallystuffs! She uses twice the tissue, I use!"
"Interesting. Good to know who notto bother trying to feel up next time someone explodes a cauldron and there's a blackout in Potions class. Of course, if I'm looking for a pillow to rest my head…"
Lily's patience was on a short tether, and she had no desire to spend the remainder of the evening up on this insanely high tower. "I'm here. Kiss me." Direct and to the point, that was Lily.
"That's not very romantic at all."
"I'm here because you blackmailed me, you git, not because I have any desire to be romantic. Not with a little toad like you, anyway."
Turning the corner of his lip up into a smirk, Hugo shook his head as though she were seriously lacking in—well, she wasn't sure what, but she was insulted merely on principle. People didn't smirk that way if they weren't insulting you.
"Close your eyes," Hugo said with some authority, and Lily was shocked to find herself obeying reflexively.
She fought her cousin's persuasiveness, pried open her eyes and looked him dead on, as his lips approached hers. Honestly, she wasn't sure she'd noticed how big Hugo's lips were, but then, they were upon her…
"Holy hell," Lily muttered as she tossed and turned in her bed for the second night in a row. Honestly, who could have predicted this turn of events? It started with a poorly named dog, a screaming-and-fleeing-in-terror ass and a badly spun bottle, and now, Hugo Weasley was the bane of her existence. Well, at least his lips were. And that tongue—Merlin, she couldn't even think about that boy's tongue and the things he could do with it without her nipples hardening and—"ARGH!"
She rolled out of the bed and hit the floor with her bare feet already propelling her down the stairs toward the Gryffindor common room. She didn't even bother with a dressing gown. She was hot and bothered, and sleeping wasn't an option.
The room was dark when she entered, a dwindling fire still lit in the fireplace. And she watched as lightning lit up the night sky, and the room.
"Going to be one heck of a storm." A voice from the shadows made Lily jump and shriek in panic.
"Fucking hell!" Lily pressed her hand to her chest in a vain attempt to slow her heart, which was currently beating in triple time. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
Despite the responding chuckle, Lily's heart continued its frantic pace, only this time not out of fear, but more from the desire to straddle Hugo's lap in that overstuffed chair where he was sitting and kiss him again, rubbing her body against his as his hands—as his hands did nothing! Her betraying brain was running away with itself. She did notdesire Hugo Weasley. There were at least a million (or maybe three) reasons why she didn't desire the boy before her.
He was her cousin. That part couldn't be denied.
He was a pain in the arse. He was, but she had to admit his own arse wasn't so bad—in fact, it was sort of nicely shaped from all that Quidditch he played.
He had bad breath—okay, he had been eating onions that one time when they were ten and he blew in her face, which probably didn't count. And his breath had been perfectly fine the last two times they'd kissed. Probably couldn't chock that one up to a fault then. Damn his good oral hygiene.
She was determined to find fault in him.
True, he didn't appreciate a good bra stuffing, which sometimes took her a good forty-five minutes in the mornings to get right. Getting them both the same size was hard enough, but making sure they weren't lumpy was easier said than done. And she refused to use magic. Amanda Nelson had tried that once, and her Engorgiohad gone horribly wrong and—Lily shuddered at the memory. Poor girl had transferred to Durmstrang the following year, unable to face another year of being called Grows-Her-Own-Tits Mandy.
He was… frankly, the best damn kisser she'd ever locked lips with.
And finally, that thought led to the discovery she'd been searching for. She knew his secret! "Aha!" she shouted, making Hugo jump a bit in the chair. "You used one of Uncle George's charms. That's why I can't stop thinking about your kiss." She hadn't meant to say quite so much. "Which one did you use, you sneaky git? It was that French Girls Do It Better Charm, wasn't it? You know, I've heard that will make your willy shrink. You should be careful with that one."
"I used—" Hugo rose and crossed the room as he spoke.
Oh, thank Merlin, these feelings were not because she desired Hugo; he had used one of Uncle George's charms on her and that was what was keeping her up nights. Everyone knew Uncle George's charms always worked.
"—no charm."
Damn."A spell?" She looked at him hopefully.
He shook his head, and her hopes sank.
"Why the fuck can't I stop thinking about you?"
"Can't stop thinking about me, eh? Well, I do tend to have that affect on women."
"Fuck. Did I say that aloud?" Lily had to get hold of herself.
"You did."
"Well, forget I did. It wasn't meant for other ears. Don't make me Obliviateyou, 'cause I'll do it! You know I will!"
Hugo waved his hands in surrender to indicate that an Obliviatewould not be necessary, and he frowned, as though in deep contemplation before he spoke again. His breath was warm on Lily's face, and she was surprised to find him standing so close. "Does it make it any better that I can't stop thinking about that kiss either?"
Lily clocked him on head… hard. "No, you moron! That makes it worse."
"Why? And, by the way, OW!" Hugo rubbed his now sore head and took a large step back.
"Well, if you can't stop thinking about it, and I can't stop thinking about it, then it's bound to happen again."
"Would that be so bad? And don't hit me any more!" He added that last bit hurriedly when Lily balled up her fist in frustration.
"Of course it would be "that bad". We can't ever do that again. Never!" Lily said the words, but she found herself moving closer to Hugo, who was in retreat mode, so the distance between them didn't close. "Maybe I just need to do it one more time, you know, and be done with it. Purge you from my thoughts."
"You make it sound like I'm some disease. Really, I'm flattered," Hugo deadpanned.
"Just once more?" Lily asked. "I really think that will be the end of it, you know, for both of us."
Hugo shrugged, but he went willingly when Lily wrapped her arms around him and moved in to capture his lips with her own.
The next night her bed was uncomfortable, sleep refused to come, and every time she allowed her mind to wander, she was assailed with thoughts of Hugo kissing her. She made her way back down to the common room to find Hugo sitting in the shadows once again.
"You're back."
"So are you."
Hugo smiled. "I was waiting for you. I knew you'd come."
Lily frowned. "Smarmy git. This was supposed to be about your reputation, which, by the way, hasn't improved one bit. I heard Cindy Lyons today talking about your terrible kissing skills, and be assured that I did nothing to set her straight." Her traitorous feet were taking her to him, despite her desire to turn and go back up to her room.
Hugo's hand wrapped possessively around her neck and fisted in her hair. His lips were on hers before she could react, and she felt her knees weaken and her nipples harden as Hugo kissed her with abandon—a kiss as hot and exciting, sweet and tender, amazingly breathtaking as any she'd ever experienced. A kiss that went straight to her you-know-where with sharp tingles and a pulsing need—
"Cindy Who?" Hugo whispered when they came up for air.
"I have no idea." Lily couldn't think of anything except pushing Hugo down onto the overstuffed chair and kissing him over and over again. Cindy Lyons's discussion of Hugo's inferior kissing skills seemed to have happened a million years ago—a million years before that kiss that had awakened something foreign inside them both.
"Kiss me like you know you want to," Hugo whispered, his voice far sexier than Lily remembered.
And that's what she did, night after night after blissful night. She even jinxed the spinning bottle during the next Muggle Party Games Night to make sure that when Hugo gave it a whirl, it pointed straight at her.