Prologue
What would you do if you were depressed? Sit around purging on chocolates and pizza, deny you feel any emotion close to depression and wear a happy face around friends and family, or would you let your best friend find you in your apartment without any sustenance in sight while you read book after book for escapism?
For me it was the last one.
Let me quote a commercial for anti depression medication by saying – depression hurts, except you don't feel it. At least, I didn't feel it. My emotions were all over the place, so I felt something. I just didn't know it was depression until my best friend picked me up off my bathroom floor, novel and cigarette in hand.
"Bella, what has gotten into you! I haven't seen you all week, and God you look like shit."
"Whatever Alice, I just didn't feel like getting all 'glamed' up today, alright? Lay off it. Not everyone has to look perfect all the time like you do." I absolutely hate it when she barges into my apartment on a makeover tangent. I'm a grown woman for God's sake!
"Looking perfect is my job, but you obviously are too wrapped up in your own world to realize that. Why would anyone hire a personal shopper if they sulked around like a poor college student? I'm not here to dress you; your behavior has me worried. Geez, I mean – you haven't left the house unless it was for work in what? Three weeks? A month?" She began to glare at me, and I knew something was wrong.
Seven and a half weeks, but who is counting? I thought.
"What – you look like I just gave you the finger" My left eye brow rose in question while I waited for her answer.
"Since when do you smoke, anyway?" As soon as she finished her sentence, she snatched the flaming cigarette in question out of my hand and threw it out the open bathroom window. "There that is so much better. I hate the smell ash. Ugh."
"Well, if you hate the smell then you can leave, I was just getting to the good part of my novel." I felt my body flinch. If there was anything that I hate, it would be whining. Unfortunately, Alice hates whining more than I do.
"March your ass down to my car, now. We are going to get you some food. I checked your fridge when I first came over and you cannot imagine how shocked I was to find nothing in there but Chinese takeout boxes partially full of moldy food. Gross, Bella, just sickening." I let her stand there for a few moments with her little manicured finger pointing towards my bathroom door before I finally stood up and made my way through it. I stole a quick glance around my bedroom before making my way into my living room and adjoining kitchen. Quickly, so not to catch the wrath of Alice, I stepped into an old pair sneakers and grabbed my purse off the book shelf next to my front door. Alice followed right behind me and waited for me to put my shoes on. She notice I was ready to leave she opened my front door and nodded at me as if to say, "You first."