Severus Snape and the Curse of Sparkles by Luvscharlie
Warnings: A bit of light Twilight bashing
A/N: Originally written for the 2011 Mini-event of Crack my Squick at hp_porninthesun, where there was a maximum word count of 300 and the squick to be "cracked" was uber-sexy Severus Snape for cinnamonselkie on LJ.
Snape awakened that morning like it was any other. And it could have been… until he looked into the mirror.
The students got quite the show as Snape rushed down the corridors, a whirl of black robes, shrieking like a girl and tossing about his arms as though he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself.
One Hufflepuff girl shrieked, "Ow, my eyes! The brightness! It hurts!"
A Sltherin, narrowed his eyes and whispered to the boy beside him. "Is that-?"
"Dear Merlin, I think it is!" his friend replied, eyes wide and mouth agape. "He's wearing glitter!"
"Headmaster! Headmaster!" Snape wailed as he burst into Dumbledore's office, using his hand to cover his overlong incisors that had been perfectly normal sized the day before.
The old man looked up at him from his place behind his desk. "My, Severus, you're very…erm… very sparkly today."
"I AM COVERED IN GLITTER AND IT WON'T COME OFF!" Snape shouted. "DO SOMETHING!"
"I will, I will," Dumbledore consoled. "In the meantime, I think you should stay out of the corridors. I've heard rumours that this sort of thing drives teenage girls with incredibly bad taste to distraction. And even I have to admit you do look a bit…erm… tasty. Have you been working out?"
Snape glared. "That's ridiculous. I do not appreciate being mocked."
However, his first trip out into the corridor in his utterly disgraced state earned him two lollipops, four roses and countless swooning girls collapsing at his feet.