Author's Note-I have seen so many tweets/posts/etc. about Wednesday night's show that I just had to write a story about Olivia's poor decisions and how it has led to changes she might never be able to fix. So, here it is. Please review so I can add more chapters.

This is dedicated to all the people in the fandom who cannot seem to fathom any ship but their own. If you hate Tuckson, don't give up on this so soon. Other fan-favorites will make appearances, don't worry. Olivia needs all the help she can get!

Oh, and I don't own anyone. I am just borrowing them so I can play around with their make-believe lives for a while. ;)

She tossed the last of her things into the box and closed the lid. Looking around the office that had never quite felt like home, she realized now how much she'd miss it. She often thought the office would never really be hers, that her old desk in the squad-room was more her style, but with recent remodeling and so many changes in staffing, she'd finally started to accept that she was in the right place. Now it was gone. Her body shook and her arms felt like jello as she lifted one box on top of the other and headed for the door. She turned and put them back on the desk, afraid she'd drop them and she couldn't afford to make a scene like that…not now. Instead she cleared her throat, took a few deep breaths, and rubbed her blood-shot eyes to cover up any sign of the tears she'd shed. She didn't belong here now, but she didn't need anyone's pity either. She'd created this mess, and it was time to accept there was no way out.

She grabbed the boxes again, this time with a little more strength, and opened the door, keeping her eyes toward the floor as she walked to the elevator. Were they staring at her? She assumed they were but she didn't want to know. The less she saw on her way out, the better. She almost expected someone to say her name…Rollins or Carisi to call after her and vow to prove her innocence and get her back…but no one did and that was when she knew…her time in SVU was over. She'd watched her friends leave one by one over the years until she had none left, and now she was gone too. Maybe it was the circle of life…but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Reaching the parking lot and tossing the boxes into the back seat of her car, she slid behind the wheel and looked at the building with tear-blurred eyes. It felt like the end…but this was far from over, and she knew it. Things were going downhill fast, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

She opened the door to her apartment, and sat the boxes on the floor inside the doorway. Lucy was sitting on the sofa watching TV, and clicked it off. "Noah's asleep," the young woman smiled and grabbed her coat, pulling it on. "He wanted you to read him a story, but he finally gave in and dozed off."

"Thanks…" Olivia's voice was raspy and it was obvious the nanny noticed something was wrong. "I appreciate you coming over on such short notice."

"Sure," Lucy replied, and it was clear she was debating whether or not to ask what was wrong. "Do you still need me to get him from daycare tomorrow?" she asked, in an attempt to gauge the situation.

"I don't think so," Olivia answered, doing her best not to show how upset she was. "I'm taking a little time off from work. I have a new assignment starting next week, so I just want to spend time with Noah right now."

"A new assignment?" Lucy asked, trying not to be pushy, but it was apparent something bad had happened.

"Yeah," Olivia forced a weak smile that looked almost painful. "I won't be at SVU anymore, but I'm ready for something new." She could tell Lucy didn't believe her, was likely worried about her, and she hated when people worried over her. "I'm fine…" she said with a bit too much enthusiasm. "Really…enjoy your time off and we'll see you next week."

"Okay," Lucy's voice was almost a whisper as she walked to the door. She glanced at the boxes, and then back at Olivia, "Take care of yourself," she said, opening the door. "You can call me if you need me to watch Noah…or…if you want to talk to someone…"

"Thanks," Olivia smiled more genuinely this time as she closed the door behind Lucy. Then she leaned against it, letting her tears come and not even trying to stop them. This is what her life had come to…the only person who cared what happened to her tonight was a twenty year old girl she paid to take care of her child because she didn't have the time to do it herself. Where were all her friends now? She told herself she didn't need them anyway, but in her heart she would've given anything to have someone to talk to right now...someone to hug her and tell her things would be okay…someone to help her face her role in this mess, yet still love her and care about her through it all. But she'd lost anyone in her life who could've done that for her, and now she was on her own.

She walked to Noah's room and peeked in on him. He was sleeping soundly and she wanted nothing more than to pick him up, to cuddle him in her arms, but she knew she shouldn't wake him. So she stood there and watched him sleep until she was sure he'd wake at any moment if she didn't leave, and she closed the bedroom door and made her way to the kitchen. She grabbed a glass and a bottle of wine, moving slowly under the weight of her emotions, and flopping back on the sofa. She opened the wine and poured a glass, taking a small sip and then a longer drink and then another. She'd been drinking too much, for too long, and she knew it. She wasn't sure exactly when it had started, but now it seemed to be a part of her, and it scared her. She could go days without drinking, but then a bad day or a tough case would happen, and it was like the need for it would overtake her and drinking was the only thing that would take her pain away. She didn't want to be her mother. Noah deserved better than that. The alcohol burned her throat and it made her sick as it reached her stomach, something that had been happening more often than not lately, and she put the half-empty glass on the table next to the mostly-full bottle. Are you involved with him? Barba's voice echoed in her mind, along with the vision of his pain-stricken face at the realization that she was defending Tucker because she was sleeping with him. Barba had turned her in, there was no doubt in her mind, but she didn't blame him. She'd given him no choice. She curled up on the sofa and cried, staring at the peaceful image of her son on the baby monitor and wishing she was a better mother, a better cop, a better person. No wonder everyone walked out of her life. She gave them no choice.

She jerked awake, not sure why at first, but then the persistent banging at the door forced her to complete wakefulness. She pulled herself up from the sofa, wiping the sleep from her heavy eye-lids and made her way to the door, looking through the peep hole. She pulled it open, "Ed…what are you doing here?" she asked and he walked in without an invitation.

"I heard what happened," his voice was solemn but stern. "I'm sorry…I really am…"

Olivia shrugged and made her way back to the sofa, sitting down while Tucker followed and situated himself on the other end, far enough away from her that she knew he was questioning whether her dismissal from SVU would eventually lead to his dismissal from her life. "I'm fine…" she said, in a tone that would let anyone who knew her well know that she was far from it.

He looked at the wine bottle and the half-empty glass on the table and then back at her, "So…did that help…drinking your problems away?"

"I didn't," she insisted, standing to her feet and taking the glass and bottle into the kitchen. She put them on the counter, leaning over it as a wave a nausea and dizziness took her by surprise. Tucker was at her side in no time, grabbing her arm to steady her.

"Really?" he asked with a disbelieving snicker. "You're hung-over…" he shook his head. "Your kid is asleep in the next room. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm not hung-over," she argued, pulling away from his grasp. "And my drinking isn't any of your concern. You don't have to keep dibs on me anymore. You're not IAB."

"That was a low blow, Olivia," his voice sounded more angry than hurt. "I don't want to see you destroy yourself…not over this."

"I'm not," she insisted, but she couldn't find the words to continue. She felt weak and her body quivered as the bile rose to the back of her throat. "I'm…uh…" she didn't finish speaking as she rushed off and left him standing in the kitchen. Through the retching, she tried to be as quiet as possible. She didn't want to wake Noah and she didn't need Tucker hearing her throw up, but there was no way to mask the violent heaves. She hadn't even had much wine the night before, but for a while now anytime she'd had anything to drink she'd spent the following morning with her head in the toilet. She'd let her mind wander to the various possibilities…the alcohol had done serious internal damage, she was going to die from cirrhosis or liver cancer or some other liquor-induced ailment…but then other days she was fine and felt perfectly healthy and managed to convince herself that the drinking wasn't really anything to worry about. She was smart enough to know that justifying her drinking when it was obviously damaging her livelihood was a sure-fire sign she needed help, but she was too scared to seek it. She'd convinced herself she could fix her problem on her own if she tried hard enough.

"Olivia…" there was a soft tap at the door, followed by a concerned plea from Tucker. "Are you okay in there? Can I come in?"

"I'll be out in a minute," she gasped, leaning back against the tile wall and trying to find the strength to stand up. She pulled herself up to the sink, splashing water on her face and rinsing her mouth, avoiding the mirror because she couldn't look herself in the eyes. Then she flushed the toilet and opened the door, pushing past Tucker and into the living room where she avoided the situation by picking up Noah's toys and putting them in the toy box.

"Hey," Tucker stood behind her and when she wouldn't look at him he grabbed her more forcefully than he meant to and turned her toward him, "What the hell is going on here, Olivia?"

"What's going on?" she sputtered. "My life is over. I've lost everything…and I'm a fucking alcoholic…I've let down anyone who has ever cared about me…and now I'm doing the same thing to Noah…"

"I want to help you," he sounded sincere, but she questioned whether or not he was. "I don't want to see you hurting."

"You don't want to see me hurting?" she snickered.

"Of course not," his tone was rough as his eyes shifted to a questioning slant. "You know that, right? I want what's best for you in all this...I never wanted you to lose your job. I never wanted you to take the fall for something I'm accused of." He knew she didn't believe him. "Olivia...I mean it. I never wanted you to get hurt."

"Then why did you do this to me?" she asked, her eyes flooded with tears. "And why the hell did I let you?"

tbc