September 3rd
"Don't waste my time, Granger." The words echoed in her head. She sat in the Head's commonroom, staring blankly into the flames before her. He was so infuriating at times. She had made it through six years of his torment, she could deal with one more year, one more insult. Vaguely she remembered the look in his eye as he glared at her. There was something else there, something tormented and lost. It hurt to look at.
"I'm not wasting your time, Malfoy. I'm just trying to help."
"Well don't. I don't want or need your help!" He was pacing behind the sofa, glaring daggers at the back of her head. It was difficult to deal with this Hermione, this calm, collected, unflinching Hermione. It unnerved him. Her voice never faltered, never broke. He was screaming at her, and all she did was sit, and stare into the fire.
"Fine. I won't help you anymore." She stood and made her way towards the stairs. "Goodnight Draco." And she was gone. He stood there, staring after her, his name reverberating in the crevices of his skull. It was only when he heard her door snap shut that he bounced back into reality. Up the stairs in seconds, he found himself banging on her door, pounding away at the strong wood, demanding an answer.
"Open up, Granger! Open the fucking door!" Just as he was raising his fist to begin his tirade of banging again, it flew open, revealing the object of his obsession.
"What Malfoy? What do you want?" She sounded tired, bored even.
"I want you to bloody react! I want you to rant at me, yell at me for my stupidity, my selfishness, my bigoted ways! I want you to feel something! I want you to feel this passion as wildly as I do!" He gripped her shoulders, shaking her. "I want you to hit me, I want you to hate me, I want you to give a damn!" His eyes bore into hers. Their brown had dulled, clouded over, and it pained him. "Wake up Hermione. I'm sick of this!" He shook her again, and all she did was loll in his grasp. He stared into her eyes, waiting for something, anything. But nothing came.
"Please let me go, Malfoy. I'd like to go to sleep now." Her voice was small. This was not the Hermione Granger he'd come to admire, to loathe, to look at with absolute hatred and at the same time, gaze at with longing. She was lost somewhere in the past.
"Fine." He released her, stepping out of her doorway and back into his shell. "Goodnight." Nodding curtly, he turned on his heel and strode into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
October 12th
It was midnight, or close to it. Rolling in her bed, she found herself restless, unable to drift into her dreams. Standing abruptly, she almost lost her balance, but righted herself and moved into the lavatory. The door into his room was closed, but he never locked it. She stared at it, a foreign urge building inside her. Of their own volition, her feet carried her to the door. Standing before it, her resolve crumbled. Grasping the handle firmly, she opened it, silently, cautiously only to find the room before her dark, save for a single candle on the nightstand. She walked softly across the floor-boards, making her way nimbly towards his bed. When she reached it, she found a sight she'd thought to never witness. Sprawled across the mattress was Draco Malfoy, sheets tangled about him, skin bare, vulnerable to the world. His face was turned towards her, eyes closed in peaceful sleep. How she envied his rest, his utter harmony. His words from the day filtered into her brain. How clever you are with words, Draco. She smiled at his witty remarks in potions, his careless insults in the halls. He moved in his sleep and his hair brushed over his cheek, shadowing his eyes. Barely trusting herself, Hermione let her hand travel over his brow, gently pushing the hair aside, marveling at his serene beauty. You're so pretty when you sleep. So different from when you're awake.
A noise in the dark startled her, snapping her out of her dream-state. Moving just as silently as when she entered, Hermione left the bedroom of Draco Malfoy, closing the lavatory door behind her. It was only then that she found herself sleeping soundly. It was only then that she found the harmony she had been searching for.
November 13th
He was seeing red. Anger billowed within him, gathering speed as a ship caught in the wind. The mark on his arm burned, fire raging on the flesh. He cried out as the pain flew through him. The door to his room burst open, Hermione rushing in.
"Draco, are you alright? What's wrong?" He shoved her away.
"I said I didn't want your help!" He twisted over his arm, shielding the bare skin from her view. "Now GET OUT!" Her steps faltered, but something in her was changed. He saw her shoulders square, her jaw set, and somehow, his Gryffindor Princess was alive once more.
"Give me your arm." She held out her hand. He looked at it, glanced at her warily. She moved closer to his bed. "Give me your arm, Malfoy." Her command enhanced, surged around him. Hesitant, he placed his left arm in her hand, closing his eyes and turning away. He felt her hands move over his forearm, tracing the pattern there. He hissed as the pain grew, as the intensity climbed higher. He tried to pull away, tried to hide from her, but she held him there, made him face this demon buried deep inside.
"Stop." His voice was weak. "Stop this." It grew as his anger flared. Suddenly he was facing her, staring into her copper eyes, the gold flecks mocking him. "I want you out of my room." He stood, slid down between her body and the bed. Her breath mingled with his. "Now." She still held her arm in her hands, still grasped it with more strength than he believed she had.
"I'm not leaving." A hand found its way to his cheek, stroked down to his neck. "Give it away, Draco. Give all that guilt away." His eyes flashed. They were flying now, her body slamming into the wall behind her. Pictures rattled and something glass shattered. His hand gripped her throat, holding her against the hard wall. Her fingers clawed at his wrist, her voice gasped. "Malfoy…stop. Draco!" His grip loosened, but he held her there, pressed between his body and the wall. Breathing heavily, her eyes found his. "You're holding on to something that doesn't exist anymore. This guilt, this hatred you're feeling, you think it's too precious, to much of yourself. Give it away, Draco." Her hands touched his bare chest, over his heart, their warmth grounding him. "Give it away." His forehead fell against hers, their breathing steadying with each passing moment. Finally he spoke.
"I can't." He backed away from her, letting his hands fall to his sides. "I don't know how." Turning away, his returned to his bed, bracing his hands on the mattress, hanging his head in silence.
Something very strange happened then. Draco Malfoy felt something press against his back, felt arms wrap around his waist. Looking down he noted that Hermione Granger had enveloped him. He was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, his body wracking as he clutched her arms, fell to the floor with her, sobbed into her embrace. He didn't know how long they sat there, didn't know how long he remained in her hold. When his eyes finally met hers, he found words pouring from his mouth. "Don't make any doubt that you can undo." Her eyes held confusion, but she nodded, just barely understanding his meaning. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep.
November 26th
"Don't be surprised if I never speak to you again!" She slammed the door behind her, collapsing against it, tears gushing from her like rain. And then he was there, gripping her arms, pulling her forward.
"Tell me." There was no question. She would tell him, no matter how hard she tried not to.
"He told me he never wanted me, that he never loved me, in front of the whole school!" She clutched his shirt, holding so tight her nails bit into her palms through the fabric. "And then he had the nerve to follow me back here, telling me to get over it, tell me it 'wasn't a big deal' and that I shouldn't be so sensitive." He tucked her hair behind her ear. "I hate him right now. I know I won't hate him forever, but right now, I need to hate him, I need him to feel how much it hurt."
"Welcome to my side of the table." Draco smiled down at her, pulling her into his arms, holding her as her breathing slowed. "Don't waste anymore time. You've been lying, before this, you've been lying to everyone, to me, yourself, get out. Get out of it, let it go." She shook her head against his chest. He held her harder. "We've both been climbing the walls, trying to get out from under everything." Numbly, she nodded into him. "We'll get out." He said it almost as he were trying to convince himself as much as her.
December 20th
The Great Hall was bustling with commotion as students prepared for the holiday. Harry and Ron were huddle together, plotting their holiday at the Burrow like it was a secret, like nobody new they were spending their holiday there. Ginny was trying to talk to Hermione about something, but he could tell she wasn't really listening. She was distracted, much like he was. Someone shook his arm, and he turned to find Blaise snapping his fingers. "You know Draco, you could at least pretend to be interested in what I'm saying to you."
"Oh Blaise, you know I've never been interested in a word that escapes your mouth." He smirked as the Slytherin table cackled around him. It wasn't long before Blaise joined in, and the moment was forgotten. He went back to being distracted, went back to watching her. It was his new favorite hobby.
Dinner was over and the students file out of the Great Hall to get the most out of their free-time before curfew. She however, lingered. She toyed with her food, head buried in a book. It was so peaceful, so innocent. He was overcome with the urge to tear her out of him, get her out from under his skin. And yet he remained. He remained sitting at the Slytherin table, remained watching, remained obsessing.
When she finally stood, it was just a few minutes to curfew. She closed her book and left the Great Hall. He followed. She went straight back to their dorm, and when he came up behind her at the portrait, she merely said the password, bid him goodnight, and went up to her room. There were bows in her eyes. He flinched at their intensity. And when he was alone in the commonroom, he went to their kitchenette, pulled out of his stash a bottle of gin, gulping from it before pouring himself a glass. Tomorrow was Saturday. He wouldn't get to follow her around anymore. He wouldn't get to watch her silently from across the classroom. He would be alone. Slumping into the couch, he heard a noise. His head snapped around to find her there, standing at the foot of the stairs.
"You're hiding inside." She was moving closer; he wanted to run. "Don't hide from me." She rounded the sofa, stood before him.
"What do you want?" He was begging her to stop, begging her to leave him to his misery. His mark burned beneath his shirt.
"All this time you've been hiding inside, Draco." Her hand touched his cheek, brought her lips closer to his; he could taste her. "But I'm coming in." And then her lips melded to his. It was awkward, at first. Their angle was awkward, her body bent over the sofa, barely touching him. And then he was standing, pulling her against him, the demon coiling in him springing forward, taking hold. They crashed against the wall, her hands delving into his hair, drawing him in. He broke for air, staring into her eyes. There was something there, hanging between them. It was something Draco could not describe, could not distinguish. And then it hit him. Hope.
"This doesn't have to end." Her eyes sparkled. "If it never begins, it doesn't have to end." He stepped away from her, shying from the hope like a cancer. Hermione leaned against the wall.
"Stop." He froze. "You're denying yourself because you're afraid!"
"I'm not afraid! Malfoy's are never afraid!"
"Yes you are!" She moved towards him, he backed away. "You're finally free to let go, to take what you want, what you deserve, and you're walking away!" He backed into something, he didn't know what, but he couldn't go anywhere now. She reached him, her fists pounding his chest. "You're hands are finally untied, you're free! And all you can say is, 'it doesn't have to begin!' Are you daft?" She was sobbing now, tears streaking down her cheeks, pain overflowing. He gripped her wrists, drawing her against him, holding her there, arms wrapping around her. Her rage calmed, hands splaying across his back. "I want you with me, I want you to stand with me. I want you, all of you. I want your pain, your hatred, your fury. I want your smile, your love, your happiness. I want all of you, and I'm not going to run from it anymore." She buried her face in his chest, unrelenting, unyielding.
He lifted a hand to her face, turning her eyes to his. "You win." He smiled then, warmth flooding him. As it turns out, she was never wasting his time. He may have been lying before, but so was she. They were trying to get out, from under everything. They were climbing the walls. Their time was never wasted.
Author's Note:
So, this story is based off the song "Wasting My Time" by Kosheen. Not a song-fic by any means. It was just a little something that was dancing around in my head while I was listening to the song, and I HAD to write it down. Kosheen is so amazing, so brilliant, and I had to put a story to this song. I hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to review! Criticism is always welcome! I NEED IT! :D
-The Crimson Sheath
