So, I decided to my commentary on what is by far, the worst fanfiction ever. My Immortal. It was removed from fanfiction a few years ago (It was THAT bad). I'm currently getting the chapters from a masterpost on tumblr, so some of it may differ from the original. My comments are bold.
I don't own this.
Chapter 1
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) Mother of god. 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.She obviously did a horrible job. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2!I don't even... MCR ROX!
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way Let me ask: How drunk were your parents when they named you? and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)So, you were born with long ebony hair. And your already drunk parents named you after that? with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee I am so sorry Amy, that you must be mentioned in this.(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) I'd leave anyways. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.And that ,kids, is what we call incest. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) No shit, Sherlock.. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. And I'm a horrible Mary Sue. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.So, what about the uniform, slut? I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.Was that necessary? I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining Is that even possible? so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. Oh, I'm so scared.
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! The suspense just killed me.
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly. Draco Malfoy...shy? After he shouted for you? Going a little OOC here.
But then, I heard my friends lol, what friends? call me and I had to go away. Such an amazing conversation.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! No.