Title: Translating Oyster Dressing
Author: S J Smith
Rating: K+
Summary: They need a translator for Penny-Speak.
Disclaimer: If I had any part of this, I wouldn't be living in Boxtown.
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"You know, it would make so much more sense if there was a translator for whatever language Penny speaks and the language we speak," Sheldon said, peering over his take-out Thai food at Leonard.
"Oh, for…Sheldon, she speaks English, just like you do." At Sheldon's raised eyebrows, Leonard sighed. "All right, no one speaks English like you do. But still, she's speaking the same language. Albeit," he shifted his shoulders, "a little, um, quirkily."
"Quirky is charming," Sheldon said with a sniff. "Penny's abuse of the English language isn't charming. It's annoying." He set down his Thai food in a huff. "Do you know, she asked if we had any oysters because she forgot to get some for her turkey dressing?"
"Uh? What's that got to do with the way she talks?"
Sheldon bridled. "Nothing, but turkey dressing has sage, not oysters! And when I asked her about it, she said it was an 'old family recipe'. Oyster dressing." He shuddered.
Raj and Howard exchanged glances. "Well, oysters are good for the libido," Howard offered, "maybe Penny's looking to get a little action going."
Raj frowned. "What does Penny's speaking have to do with oysters?"
"Well, if she has a kittenish purr," Howard began.
"Howard," Leonard sighed.
"I'm just saying, she's hot." Howard wriggled a little on the couch. "Smokin'. In the vernacular, if you know what I mean."
Sheldon gave him a lingering look. "I thought we agreed, no Monty Python quotes. Ever again." Leonard, Howard and Raj giggled. "We agreed!"
Ignoring him, Howard asked, "So, do you think we could make a Penny translator?" He licked his lips, getting into the idea. "It could be great. Translate Penny, then all women!"
"I'm pretty sure 'no' means 'no', even without a translator, Howard," Leonard said.
"But - "
"No!"
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