We were never meant to fall in love. And we never did. Thank goodness for that, things are awkward enough as it is now. I have a lot to deal with, Tomoka pushing me to find a boyfriend, the whole deal with the school festival, and my secret late night tennis practices you may or may not have stumbled onto.
It all started like that. What we have now. Stumbling and falling. I don't mind it one bit. We fell into this, our strange relationship, on accident. What a lucky accident it was.
"Tomo-chan!" I smiled up at my best friend who had a thoughtful frown on her light pink lips.
"Sakuno, did you find it yet?" She asked, eyes widening as she slammed a hand onto the desk. I startled a bit, leaning away from her excited eyes.
"A-Ano, what are you talking about Tomo-chan?" I squeaked, truly confused as to what she was getting at.
"A yukata for the school festival coming up! I've already told you about mine, it's on hold for me until I save up enough, but you! You haven't even begun looking! How can you expect to catch Ryoma-sama's eye if you're not dressed properly!" She suddenly paused in her rant, the silence scaring me as her eyes gleamed.
"Or," She began, lips curling into a cat like grin as she leaned in closer to my face. "Are you hoping to catch somebody else's eye?"
"A-Ahhh, what are you talking about Tomoka-chan, I don't like anybody that way!" I squeaked, eyes wide as my face flushed. I was a first year in high school now, but I couldn't control my blushes no matter what.
"Oh, I see, little Saku-chan is finally growing up. So, who is it? I bet it's somebody on the team, you've been spending more time around them lately." She wiggled her eyebrows as I shook my head furiously.
"I said I don't l-like anybody like that! I-I have to go, Obaa-san wanted to talk to me." I hastily stood up, grabbing my bag as I sped out of the room.
I'd never tell anyone your voice and face came to mind the moment 'like' spilled from Tomoka's lips.
I still remember the first time we met. It was at that little park nearby our houses. It was an accident, I swear, when I mistook you for a pervert and cried. You were so confused, your hand lightly wrapped around my wrist as I wept for help.
It wasn't long before 'help' came in the form of our mothers who sorted out the situation quickly.
"Sakuno, he's not going to hurt you, yes, I know I'm the one who told you about stranger danger, but he's a friend, okay?" My mom cooed, nudging me forwards to meet you halfway.
"I was only trying to help you get that bug off your shirt." You had said quietly, eyes soft and worried for me.
"O-Oh." I froze in front of you, your coffee brown eyes seeming to see through me, and when you nodded ever so slightly, I was certain you were a psychic and had heard my mental apologies.
"I-I'm sorry for calling you a pervert!" I yelled, jerking into a bow with my hands clasped at my knees.
"It's alright." You spoke. "It was just a misunderstanding."
I think I started to respect you when you used such big of a word. It was so silly, how all my feelings for you started with a word I couldn't spell, and yet I discovered you had even more amazing qualities to you, but it was only a word that began it all...
"I'm s-still sorry! I-I'll make it up to you, I promise!" I can still remember how my cheeks burned and how our mothers' smiles looked. And I won't ever forget how you nodded at me again, hand reaching out to take mine softly.
I stilled at the gentle touch that brought my hand up. Your amber eyes were flecked with darker shades of brown. They had darkened altogether over the years, turning into a sweet reminder of the hot chocolate we'd share.
"You don't have to." You always had been a gentleman, you didn't try to take advantage of the situation.
"B-But I want to. How a-about I, um, be your friend! I-I mean i-if you want me to…" I had trailed off at the end, face bright. I regretted the words the instant they left my mouth. You probably have picked up by now that I ramble on about crazy things when I'm nervous.
"That sounds nice. I'm Tezuka Kunimitsu, what's your name?" You took it so calmly, so easily, I wonder if you had rehearsed it, but that was impossible, you couldn't have known what would happen that fateful day.
"I-I'm Ryuzaki Sakuno, please take care of me!" I hunched over into a bow before I realized I had gotten my greetings mixed up.
"I-I mean, I hope we c-can be good friends! N-Now saying that you'd be a bad friend, it's just that I don't really have friends except for my teddy bear Shiro but I don't know if he counts because he's a teddy bear and I didn't mean to imply I-I'm expecting you to-"
"Ryuzaki-san, it's fine, slow down and catch your breath. What do you want to do?" You cut into my rant, I would have run out of breath if you had not. I'm still smiling at the memory, trivial as it was.
"A-Ah, y-you can choose… Tezuka-kun. A-And you can just call me Sakuno!" I winced at my own voice cracking and breaking off. You just took it in stride.
"Let's go over to the swings then Sakuno-san." You still held my hand as we walked.
We were still holding hands.
I was suddenly so happy. My smile never left for the rest of the wonderful day.
It had been a ritual ever since junior high school. How nobody ever caught on puzzles me, but I'll take it as a blessing.
Whenever you had to go to a student council meeting, or your official captain duties and paperwork were in the way, or you had to help clean up another person's mess, or was simply running late (not often did this happen), I'd wait for you at the front gates.
Sometimes you'd find me reading. Maybe doing some homework, or eating a small snack (which we'd end up sharing as best as we could).
This is embarrassing to confess, but I think, even if I can't recall much, my favorite time this happened was when you found me more than half asleep, leaning against the brick wall.
I remember your arms wrapping around me, slowly pulling me onto your back. You had given me piggy-back rides before, rare as they were. It usually happened when I tripped and stumbled and hurt myself. Clumsy, clumsy me.
But that time, you could have simply woken me up. But you didn't. You chose to carry me back home, past grandma, up the stairs, into my room. You then stayed there doing your own work on my desk until I woke up to make sure I wouldn't freak out when I regained consciousness. You were so sweet.
And if you weren't late, we'd simply leave together.
And on those days I walked alongside you, we'd hold hands. In winter, you'd have my hand in your pocket, your fingers intertwined with mine. I loved every second of the extra warmth, the light snow, our fuzzy scarves in inverse colors.
We held hands again today. I had you hold up your's so we could compare them. Your's is still so much bigger than mine, but I don't mind. It's like your hugs, when all that surrounds me is you, and I feel so perfectly safe and serene. I told you this today, and I swear, you almost smiled. You didn't have to say anything for me to see your eyes, that soft look in your eyes I only found directed at me.
I told you 'I love you' before kissing your cheek and walking over the eight steps to my house next to your's. You nodded at me, and even if it didn't come verbally, I know you like me as well.
I love you. But not in that way. And I can only hope you love me, but not in that way.
Not ever in that way.
"Saaa… this is interesting." Shusuke muttered, eyes opening as a smile played on his lips.
He had been scrolling through his pictures from the day, when a glimpse of twin braids and familiar feathery hair caught his trained eyes.
"Now I wonder what Tezuka could have been doing with Ryuzaki-chan. And they're even holding hands, how curious."
It wasn't a good day. I'll tell you that first.
"Ehhhh, Sakuno-chan, Fuji-senpai is coming over this way!" Tomoka had squealed next to my poor ear.
And the day wasn't going to get any better from what I knew.
"Saaa… I'm sorry to bother you, but do you know where Tezuka is?" Fuji Shusuke asked in a voice I had heard before.
"Huh, how are we supposed to know?" Tomoka tilted her head, confused.
Me, I got that feeling things were going to sink. Cannon, fire, and bloody wreckage.
"Saaa… Well, I figured that since Ryuzaki-chan is so close with him… Hm? You seem surprised Osakada-chan, didn't you know?" He's figured something out, and I'm growing scared what that something is. What if he found out-
"Sakuno!" Tomoka screeched, cutting off my train of thoughts. "No way, so your secret crush is Tezuka-senpai?! Why didn't you tell me-"
"Fuji, what are you doing here?" A tired sigh interrupted, all eyes in the room turning to latch onto you. You had this aura around you, you always did. Something that demanded attention, required respect, and made it near impossible to not focus on you.
"Saaa… I was just having a chat with my kouhai. Is there a problem with that Tezuka?" Shusuke had a smile on his lips at this point.
"Or, maybe it had something to do with how you've always been so protective of Ryuzaki-chan." He commented, that smile still on his lips.
I blushed and looked away, out the window into the open skies.
"Sakuno-chan, here's your chance to confess! C'mon, just admit you're in love with Tezuka-senpai in front of everyone and there's no way he can reject you!" Tomoka whisper shouted next to me. I'm sure everyone in class heard.
I turned even redder if possible.
"T-Tomoka-chan-" I had stuttered, trying to explain and get her to stop.
"No need to say a word Sakuno-chan, I understand." She nodded at me, but I didn't like that look in her eye.
"Tezuka-senpai, Sakuno-chan has something to say to you!" She called, turning around to face you.
I remember groaning and hiding my face in my hands as Tomoka slid out of the seat beside me. No doubt it was to give you a space.
"Are you alright?" You had asked first, leaning towards me as you pressed a hand to my forehead.
"N-No. This i-is so embarrassing." I whimpered, not daring to meet your eyes, even if I was certain they wouldn't judge me and only be full of that gentle look I saw when you looked at me.
"No, it's not that. Your Obaa-san told me you hadn't been yourself since this morning, and your temperature's pretty high." You spoke in a low tone, worry and slight urgency lacing through your smooth voice.
"I-I'm sure it'll pass in a few days, d-don't worry about it." I did feel a bit tired and warm, but I put it off as nothing important.
"If you're sure. Be careful and drink more water. If it gets any worse, go to the nurse, alright?"
"H-Hai. Y-You don't have to worry, I'll be fine."
You sighed, drawing back your hand that brought cool relief to me. I felt a bit disappointed at that. You seemed to notice, but made no comment on it, although your eyes spoke of hidden amusement.
"I-I'll be watching practice today senpai." I murmured, hunching my shoulders as I tried shrinking into myself.
"So I'll s-see you then?" I squeaked pitifully.
You nodded, pet my head, and walked away with Shusuke following, his grin as mad and wild as the Cheshire Cat's. I got a sinking feeling that day. It felt like something was ending.
Something marvelous and magnificent and wonderful was all ending.
All coming down to a moment in space in time where it would not last forever, all coming down to that millisecond in which things ended.
Why didn't you ever tell me it meant something new was beginning as well?
Hahaha, guess who decided it was a good idea to start a new story? That's right, idiot me!
TTwTT
Forgive me, you won't be seeing too many updates soon. I have testing. For the next two months, plus this one.
I'm so screwed.
Sorry guys. ;w;