Fun Fact: this story is exactly 1,000 words. Go figure.

I've been hardcore cramming to write an essay for the last three days. Going kinda crazy, honestly. But that's done, it's done! I'm stress-free...at least until I start finals. Which is tomorrow.

But yeah, wrote this to de-stressify and because I have a thing for fem!Sam Sabriel. Well, fem!Sam in general. Don't know why.

Don't know when this is set. Sort of thinking sometime s5, but that's about it. Very little editing. Lots of raunch.

Good times.

Sam has a tendency to go after wholesome guys, Dean's noticed. The clean cut, low-drama kind of guys that fit right into the nuclear family of 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. He expects it has to do with that whole normal, apple pie obsession she had, even if that isn't something Sammy seems too interested in anymore. No controversy or excitement, just a good, reliable man who's taller than his woman (which, for Sam and her giantess height, is difficult) and can do that 9 to 5, get the kids and bring home the bacon thing. Dependable guys. Mature guys. Kind of guy you'd be surprised if he'd ever even touched a gun.

Which is why Sam's relationship with Gabriel is both the most confusing and hilarious thing Dean's ever seen.

"Gabriel. My bra is suddenly made out of bubblegum. Why?"

"So I can nibble it off you, sweet-tits. One bubble at a time."

Don't look Winchester, Dean tells himself. Do not, under any circumstance turn your head away from the laptop to look in the other room to see what's happening to your sister. No matter how tempting.

"Dude, change it back. This is ridiculous. I can't move my arms without feeling it."

"You don't have to move, kiddo. I'll take care of it; trust me."

"Time and a place! Get the hell away from me. You are not eating my bra off."

Was Sam walking around without a shirt again? She did that sometimes, when it was just the two of them (walk around with just her bra on top, not the bubblegum part); she said once that she was so used to being around Dean nearly 24/7 that it's hard to give a crap, 'specially when he walks around in his boxers just as much.

Obviously she wasn't expecting her fuck-buddy of an archangel to pop in without warning.

"C'mon kiddo, just a bite. I won't even try going for your skin even though I know you like it."

"Look, just because you have a candy clothing fetish does not mean I have to entertain it."

"It does when you enjoy it just as much as I do."

Is this bubblegum bra visible for the world to see? Don't look Winchester. Don't take a picture. The blackmail photos you'll manage to get will not be worth the hell she'll put you through for taking them.

"Seriously, you're going to make me peel off this whole fucking thing?" Her exasperated bitch face is practically audible.

"Hey, I'm offering to do it for you."

"With your teeth."

"Ends justify the means."

Dean isn't looking (isn't stiffing a very unmanly giggle, isn't aiming his phone camera under his arm and snapping a picture blindly in hopes of catching the drama, consequences be damned) but he can feel the glare. A full seven seconds of glaring passes before she storms off and slams the bathroom door, obviously intent on peeling off Gabriel's latest prank in privacy.

There's silence as Dean tries very hard not to laugh or say anything for another ten seconds before finally giving up.

"Was it pink?" he asks, swiveling around in his chair to see Gabriel.

"Neon," Gabriel says proudly. He's still standing in the middle of the room, looking at the bathroom door Sam disappeared in with the evil grin of a 10 year old kid plastered on his face. "I thought about making it mint green so it would actually match her style a little better, but why not go all out? You can't half ass these things." He shakes his head a little, and the grin fades into the usual smirk.

Gabriel gives the bathroom door another wistful glance (and if he decides to barge in there too Dean is leaving) before leaving the room to join Dean, tossing something small at Dean as he enters. Dean catches it on reflex before opening his hand to look; it's a flash drive.

"Pictures," Gabriel explains before he gets a chance to ask. "I caught you trying to sneak a picture, so I thought I'd help a guy out."

Dean grins and pockets the drive; he'll satiate his curiosity later. "Thanks man. Knew I kept you around for something."

Gabriel bows and grabs a seat from a conjured up chair. "I live to please," he intones, and it is intoning. Gabriel's flair for the dramatic knew no bounds. Even for something as simple as blackmail photos.

Dean's eyebrows rose at that, but he says nothing and just smiles and turns back to the laptop. Those kittens aren't going to catapult themselves, after all.

There's a full minute of blissful silence and kitten catapulting before the archangel watching him (Seriously, what is it about angels and staring at people? Cas is bad enough.) can't take it anymore.

"What about you, then?" Gabriel asks, very casual. Not a good sign.

Dean pauses his game to glance at Gabriel. "What about me?" he says, carefully.

"How do you feel about food clothing?"

And there's the downside of having Gabriel around. "We've talked about this, dude. I don't bat for that team."

"Which is so close minded of you. C'mon, how can you knock it if you've never tried it?"

"I swear to God if you turn my boxers into gum-"

"Hey, I'm not that cruel. That would be horrible! I was thinking chocolate. Maybe licorice."

Dean hides his face behind his hand to give himself a second. This isn't a direction he thought the conversation would go. He supposes he should've expected it.

"No," he says finally. Gabriel pouts.

"Party pooper," Gabriel grumbles. Dean rolls his eyes.

"Go annoy Sam. Sure she'll love it."

That got a grin. "Gladly."