Brennan sat back in her chair at her desk, shoulders mildly hunched as she absent-mindedly brushed a piece of unruly auburn hair out of her eyes. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't seem to focus on the task laid out in front of her. All she had to do was finish up the paperwork from the recently solved case and then she could go home. Booth had been eager to help, but the closing of this case was coupled with an almost visible and debilitating exhaustion on his physique.
Refusing to let her mind wander to other matters concerning Booth's physique, Brennan straightened her stiff shoulders and pulled the paperwork closer towards her body. Normally, she may have sat on the floor in front of her couch, but she feared falling asleep if she allowed herself to be in that position. She was determined to finish the paperwork this evening, having already promised her colleague—and best friend—Angela Montenegro, that she'd spend the weekend with her lounging by the local athletic center's pool and bar-hopping in the evenings. Brennan's brow furrowed in doubt. Should she really let herself to "unwind" in such a way, as Angela had insisted? Plenty of other normal people were allowed to find their own ways of dealing with stress. Brennan's way happened to consist of kicking the crap out of her punching bag and practicing martial arts. In addition to helping her relieve stress, it offered a great workout and allowed her to perfect her self-defensive strategies. Unfortunately, she'd have to make time for her workout some other day.
She continued to frown as she finished up the remnants of the paperwork, finally putting the papers into a manila folder while turning off her desk lamp. She contemplated just going home, but she knew that Booth would want the paperwork as soon as she completed it, so she locked up her office, bid the security guards farewell, and took off in search of her car.
After struggling to find her keys, Brennan entered the automobile. A quick glance at the clock on the dashboard informed her that it was close to midnight. Pushing down the feelings of doubt and concern at possibly waking up her partner, she felt her car gravitate toward his apartment as she stared at the road in front of her, lost in thought.
Maybe Angela was right. Maybe lounging at the pool and drinking with her friend would help sew up the ever-growing hole in the pit of Brennan's stomach that seemed to worsen as each new case was brought to the lab. She was becoming less able to fight her emotions as Booth brought her new cases to work on. Murders would just keep happening, and try as she might, she could no longer distance herself from the brutality of the world. The walls that Brennan had so carefully constructed around her were being ripped down, inch by inch, leaving her increasingly more vulnerable.
Her vulnerability was especially apparent when she was around her partner. Though Angela had tried and tried to get the walls to break down, Booth had been the one to ultimately succeed. What may have started out as a reluctant partnership had transformed into a very real friendship, despite the bickering that the two of them could never seem to avoid. Ever since Booth had come crashing into her life, Brennan had begun to allow herself to get close to her coworkers, close enough to depend on them. Though she used to believe that being dependent on others showed weakness and set her up for disappointment, she somehow knew that her friends would never leave her willingly. She pursed her lips at the thought, the image of Angela running off with Hodgins and leaving her alone forcing its way into her consciousness.
Brennan neared Booth's apartment and immediately began to look for a parking space. Finally locating one, she put the car in park and eased out of the seat, making sure to grab the manila folder before shutting and locking the door. The sound of the door being forced shut echoed throughout the peacefully silent neighborhood, bringing her wandering mind back to the present. She clutched the folder between her long pale fingers and walked determinedly toward Booth's apartment.
-------------------------------------
After a long week at work, Special Agent Seeley Booth finally felt relaxed. Though he would never admit it to her face, he was relieved when Bones had stubbornly decided she could finish the paperwork without his help. It had been about a week and half since Booth last sat down in front of the television like he was currently doing, his bare ankles crossed lazily over one another on top of his coffee table, a chilled beer in his hand. He knew that he should be sleeping at the moment, but he couldn't get the pleasant thought of vegging out in front of some crappy—but most likely incredibly entertaining—TV show in the comfort of his own apartment. He was just about to resume channel surfing when a knock on his front door disturbed his peace.
Who the hell would be knocking on his door at this hour? However, the moment these thoughts made themselves apparent in his brain, Booth's mind answered his unspoken question with one word: Bones.
Making his way begrudgingly to his front door, Booth ran a hand through is hair. With one last quick sigh, Booth unlocked the deadbolt and pulled the door open, revealing a very tired-looking Dr. Temperance Brennan. Though he was feeling extremely anti-social and exhausted before opening the door, the sight of his partner caused an immediate improvement in his mood.
"Hiya, Bones. What's up?"
"I don't know what that means. Why do you insist on beginning a conversation with a pop-culture reference that you know I probably won't be able to decipher, let alone respond to?" Brennan's usually mild temper had been becoming increasingly more volatile as the week had worn on, and tonight's mood was no exception.
"Whoa there, Bones. No need to attack me yet. Why don't we continue this argument inside so that the neighbors don't feel the need to complain, okay?" Booth hastily replied, stepping aside so his partner could make her way inside the apartment.
Closing the door and replacing the lock behind him, Booth turned around and mentally prepared himself for the few minutes of bickering that he was sure would resume momentarily. Instead, he was pleasantly surprised when he heard an apologetic sigh coming from the woman standing in front of him.
------------------------------------
Before Booth had opened up his door clad in a white tank top and green flannel pajama pants, Brennan hadn't anticipated an argument. She had actually been looking forward to seeing her friend and partner, a feeling that she had been struggling to repress all evening. Brennan had begun to relish in the moments she spent around Booth while the two of them were not working on cases, as these were the only moments that weren't clouded by disturbing images and thoughts of victims and serial killers. Though their relationship had started as one based solely on their working together, both had started to gravitate toward one another, enjoying the company only they could offer each other as partners in their line of work.
Unfortunately, as soon as she had seen him looking so relaxed and, though she hated to admit it, attractive, in his current attire, Brennan had panicked, falling back on banter to keep her from saying something incriminating.
However, as quickly as the urge to bicker flared up inside her, it was put out, replaced by remorse and utter exhaustion. She raised her strikingly pale blue eyes from their current place on the floor to meet the sable-colored and questioning gaze of her partner. He stood by the door, his hands shoved into the pockets of his pajama pants, his stance taking on one of surrender. Brennan watched Booth shift on his bare feet, moving his weight from the right foot to the left. Suddenly, he straightened his shoulders and opened his mouth as if to speak. Brennan sighed audibly.
"I'm sorry, Booth. I'm just…so tired. I didn't mean to take it all out on you. I know I've been difficult this week, but this case…it hasn't been easy. I know you're aware of that too, and I shouldn't have argued with you." Brennan said all of this in a rush, trying to get her entire apology out before Booth had a chance to interrupt her. As soon as she had taken a breath, she continued speaking.
"I won't stay long. I know you must be tired, but I wanted to make sure you got the paperwork for this case. I could have decided to fax it to you tomorrow, but I know how much you wanted to finish this case as soon as possible. So, here you go," she explained, stretching her right arm out in front of her, forcing him to step away from his safe place near the door to retrieve the manila folder.
Booth opened the folder and noticed that everything had been properly completed. Trying not to be too concerned about the fact that his partner had just stayed at her lab three hours after he had left just to finish paperwork, he closed the folder and looked up at her.
"Thank, Bones. You didn't have to do all of this tonight, you know. You need to try to get yourself out of that blue lab coat once in a while, and have some fun." Booth waggled his eyebrows playfully at her while smiling as charmingly as he could. The combination of the two seemed to be too much for Brennan's serious mood.
------------------------------------
Booth watched in amusement as his comment and smile elicited the first real bark of laughter from Bones that he had heard in days. The way her eyes crinkled up at the corners as her mouth opened up into a grin caused his own eyes to twinkle in response. God, he loved this woman.
Brennan finally stopped laughing as she made her way to the couch at Booth's insistence, raising her voice in response to his earlier comment as her partner retreated to the kitchen to grab her a beer. Though she hadn't planned on staying long, she now realized that his offer of a beer was a way of him telling her that she was welcome in his apartment as long as she liked. She smiled inwardly at the thought as she spoke to Booth.
"To be honest, the reason I finished the paperwork so early was because Angela is forcing me to…how did she put it? I think she used the words 'veg out' and 'live it up' to describe what she wants us to do this weekend. Honestly, I don't understand why the two of you can't say what you mean all the time. I'm trying to understand the modern colloquialisms that you and Angela use, but it's proving to be a rather difficult project." Brennan looked up to find Booth smiling slightly at her in amusement.
"What exactly are the two of you crazy ladies going to be doing this weekend?" Booth asked, clearly interested in her plans as he handed her the beer.
"We aren't crazy, Booth. I mean, I may have, on occasion, worried about Angela's sanity as she continues to date conspiracy-theorist Hodgins, but I doubt either of us is actually mentally deranged or unsound." Brennan replied.
"Bones, did you just make a joke?" Booth was incredulous at Bones successfully sarcastic comment about her two squints.
"Yes. I believe I did." Brennan smiled, taking a swig of her beer and replacing it back in her two hands, left hand coming to rest over her right as she clutched the refreshing bottle of liquid.
"Anyway, Booth, in response to your question, Angela and I will be spending the day by the pool and the evening at a bar, 'drowning my sorrows,' as she put it. However, I can't say that I'm especially sorrowful about anything right now. This case was pretty upsetting, but my life seems to be lacking in extreme sorrow at the moment. I have a great job and my book's coming along well. I don't know why she assumes my life is somehow incomplete." Brennan contemplated this thought as she took another sip of her beer, staring off into space as she straightened her shoulders in defiance. Deep down, she knew she was lying to herself and to Booth. She hoped he wouldn't be able to see through it.
------------------------------------
Booth stared at his partner, pride rolling off his body as he took in her confident statement and stance. He had always been proud of her, proud that she was his partner and that she had allowed him to chip away at the barriers that guarded her from the rest of the world. However, as he continued to stare at her, he noticed that Bones may not be as confident in her statement as she would like him to believe. Realizing that he needed to say something to reassure her, he leaned forward and shifted his body so that he was facing his partner. Lightly touching her shoulder, Booth began to speak.
"Bones, I'm proud of you. I know you probably hate hearing me say that, since you'll assume it is somehow a 'condescending statement made in order to reestablish my alpha-male status in our relationship,'" he playfully mocked, "but I mean it. You've been through so much in your life, and yet, here you are, telling me that you're fine. Really fine. But you know what, Bones? It's okay to not be 'fine.' You're allowed to feel down, even for the stupidest reasons. Angela's just worried about you, as she always is. She wants you to be happy. She thinks that if she gets you to go out and 'paint the town red' with her—" Brennan stared at Booth, confused. Booth ignored her questioning gaze and continued, "—you'll open up and let her know how to make you happy. She might be right, Bones. Everyone could use a little fun, even you. Especially you." Booth put his left hand on the back of the couch, his torso still turned toward Bones as she contemplated his statement.
Brennan placed the now empty beer bottle on the table and leaned forward, her forearms coming to rest on her knees, and turned her head back toward her partner, her eyes finding his. She knew that he had seen right through her fake confidence. Deep down, she did feel sad, and, though she really hated to admit it, lonely. Her annoyance with Angela had nothing to do with her friend herself, but more to do with the fact that Angela wasn't lonely anymore. She had Hodgins, and though Brennan was extremely happy for the two of them, she couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of her best friend. Spending time with Angela would just make her realize how much she reluctantly longed for that kind of companionship—and love—with someone. Though she was so used to revisiting her reasons for not believing in such a concept, Brennan realized that this whole love idea might not be so bad.
Looking back at Booth, Brennan became aware that she probably should say something in response to his attempt at making her feel better. The corners of her mouth lifted in thought, as she realized that despite their differences, Booth always did know what to say to get her to open up. She turned her gaze back onto her entwined fingers in front of her, refusing to look at him as she spoke.
"Thank you…for being proud of me. But you're right. I'm not really fine. I don't want to spend time with Angela even though I know it will be good for me. I even came here tonight under false pretenses. I told myself—and you—that the reason I came over here was to give you the paperwork on our last case. But in reality, I just didn't want to go home to an empty apartment."
Brennan paused before continuing. She knew that Booth was probably astonished by the lack of "squint speak" in her comments. Somehow, the fact that she was about to really open up didn't scare her as much as it should have. Maybe it's the beer, she mused.
"It's just so frustrating. What I said about my job and my book was true. I do love my job and I am making progress on my book, but I still go home to an empty apartment every night. I still manage to push people away because I'm afraid to let anyone get too close. Before, I thought that this was a perfectly logical and justifiable response, considering my past with people who I allowed to get too close to me. But now…I see Angela and Hodgins together and they're so happy. I briefly thought that I could have that with Sully when we were together, but I was wrong."
Brennan's eyes flicked toward Booth's, taking in their sudden hint of jealousy and pain ignited by the comment about Sully. She sighed again and looked back down at her lap, unable to continue staring into his emotive face.
"When I used to feel lonely, I'd spend time with Angela, albeit begrudgingly at first, but in the end, I'd feel slightly better. I feel that tomorrow is just an attempt by her to check up on me, to apologize for letting me feel lonely again, though it's not really her job to watch out for me." She paused again. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling. I should probably go home." Brennan said, although she made no attempt to stand up. She continued to stare at her hands until she felt the couch shift next to her. Suddenly, a bare and muscular arm snaked its way around her shoulders, pulling her back against its owner.
"Hey. You don't need to feel lonely, okay? Angela may be with Hodgins now, but that doesn't mean she'll ever stop being your best friend. She cares about you, Bones. She wants to spend the day with you tomorrow to make sure that you know how much she cares, and that she is still your friend. Don't over-analyze this. Anyway, she's not your only friend, right? Or did you forget all about your amazingly attractive and talented FBI-agent partner?" He smiled down at her, his eyes twinkling mischievously.
Brennan smiled in return. She had learned a long time ago that trying not to smile when Booth looked at her like that was near impossible. She watched as her partner's cheeky grin faded into a look of concern. His eyes seemed to shine with compassion, willing Brennan to believe that what he said was true.
"I mean it, Bones. I'm here, okay? You're not alone. I'll never leave you, you got that? I need you to understand that as long as I'm around, you don't ever need to feel lonely." He reached out with his right hand to brush back a piece of stray auburn hair on her forehead, smoothing it away from her face and tucking it behind Brennan's ear before she could protest.
Brennan looked down to stop the onslaught of tears that were already forming at the corners of her eyes. Finally, she raised her chin up and stared back at the face of her partner, her friend.
"Thank you, Booth. I can't even…you don't even know how much that means to me. Thank you." With that grateful reply, Brennan reached out and wrapped her arms around Booth's neck, holding him tightly to her smaller frame.
Booth circled his arms around her, rubbing her back soothingly. There was once a time when he tried to convince himself that these hugs that they rarely shared were strictly platonic, that he felt nothing more than friendship for his partner. However, as he sat on the couch in his living room, the finally content form of Bones wrapped snugly in his strong arms, Booth knew that he loved her. How could he not?
----------------------------------
Brennan stayed with her arms around Booth's neck, her body pressed against his strong torso. She knew that she should probably pry herself off of him, that she was overstepping the boundaries of partnership and friendship, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Brennan had finally let the whole wall crumble down, and she didn't care in the slightest. She'd much rather seek solace in the arms of her partner—or whatever he was to her now—than in the shadows created by her barriers. Besides, Booth's physique was much more attractive than any metaphorical wall could ever be.
After about a minute that seemed both much longer than that and far too short, the partners pulled away from each other, disentangling their arms and leaning back in opposite directions. Brennan looked up to once again meet her partner's gaze, shocked by the emotions she saw brewing under the surface. She could decipher pride, contentment, concern, and finally love. As soon as she touched upon that last emotion in his eyes, she knew that her own frost-colored ones were confessing that she was aware of his secret. Booth's eyes widened in panic as he pulled away from her entirely, trying to look anywhere but at her face. She knew he was probably cursing his overly expressive eyes at the moment for letting her see what he was feeling. A myriad of emotions flooded her own system, causing Brennan to avoid looking at her partner as well.
However, Brennan's confusion was short-lived. Reverting to her tendency to over-analyze any and every situation, she allowed herself to identify all the feelings writhing below the surface of her consciousness. Finally, the answer to how Brennan really felt towards her partner made itself clear, hitting her like the ton of bricks from the wall that had previously come crashing down around her.
Lifting her gaze to his face, Brennan noticed that her partner still refused to look at her. She took time to drink him in, noticing his slightly furrowed brow and dark lashes framing his eyes, the slight bump at the bridge of his nose, the curve of his almost pink lips. Without thinking, Brennan reached out with the index finger of her left hand and lightly traced the outline of her partner's mouth.
-----------------------------------
When Booth first felt the feather-light touches of his partner's hand on his mouth, he told himself that he must have imagined it. Bones didn't usually instigate physical contact like this with anyone, least of all him. After a few more seconds, Booth realized that this was indeed happening, and he turned toward Bones, a question in his eyes.
"Bones, I…" Booth had started talking just to get his partners finger off his mouth, unable to think straight with her hand there. Unfortunately, he soon realized that he had no idea what to say, his comment trailing off into nothingness.
------------------------------------
Brennan knew she had surprised him with her bold actions, a faint blush creeping up her pale cheeks as she realized what she had just done. She looked up at the surprised and questioning face of her partner and realized that she didn't regret anything. In fact, the only thing she knew for certain was that if she didn't kiss Booth right now, she'd regret it for the rest of the evening, if not her entire life.
So, with the memory of her heartfelt confession and his sympathetic words in her head, Brennan leaned forward and captured the lips she had just been tracing with her own mouth.
As Booth kissed her back, one hand coming to rest at her hip while the other made its way into her hair, Brennan couldn't help but smile at the thought that thankfully, walls can crumble.