A/N: Written for a prompt from hobbit kink meme over at LJ:

Bilbo gets annoyed at DoYC for whatever reason and ends up slapping him in front of everyone else. DoYC and co. are stunned, but not as stunned as Bilbo when he learns that slapping is a very dedicated proposal in Dwarf customs.

Sounded like Kilbo to me. Oh, please, if you spot some terrible mistake, grammar error or something that just makes you wish for a fork to stab your eyes with, tell me about it. For the science, and good of other people's eyes!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but oh, would I wish for another plate of cookies.

Smack!

Kili knew that most of their companions thought him a royal idiot (pun completely intended); heck, his own uncle probably thought him idiot most of the time, but in fact, Kili was fairly smart, even if he said so himself.

Like… he knew that Bella, no matter how she tried to learn more about dwarves, still couldn't know absolutely everything about them. It might have surprised him back when she offered to brush his hair for him, but he knew that she meant it simply as something a friend would do for a friend, only later learning that for dwarves it's something reserved either for family or close friends.

And didn't she blush most prettily when he explained to her why some of the older dwarves had been staring at them like that.

Or the time she was ready to cut her hair from its lower back length to shoulder length, because it was getting in her way all the time, and he offered to braid it for her instead. He really enjoyed the feel of her hair between his fingers, and when she kissed his cheek in thanks when he was finished (and a mighty nice braid it was), he blushed most handsomely this time, if he were to haphazard a guess from her giggling and blush.

Or the time when she helped him to make more arrows – she was very skilled with her hands, and once he guided her hands through the process once, she sat patiently with him, helping him to make new arrows every day, or at least repair the ones he already had.

Of course, she was also completely unaware that helping to take care of someone's weapons was one of the most important steps in dwarven courtship.

And so they kept on helping each other with their hair, cared about each other's weapons and Kili even started to teach Bella some basic moves with her sword, no matter how difficult was this staying friends business starting to be.

He thought that he was doing rather well at being just friend with Bella, but then Mirkwood happened and, well, he may have kissed her after she freed him from the spider webs, which certainly didn't look very friendly. But she didn't hit him with anything; rather, she blushed in that particular way that made him feel butterflies in his stomach (and didn't that metaphor sound like something those damn elves would say) and brushed his hair from his face behind his ear, before she rushed to check on the others.

They got captured by the elves, and there was this pretty she-elf Guard, but while he certainly enjoyed talking with her (since it wasn't as if he could either escape or had anything better to do) and she certainly had been pretty in this ageless elven style, she had nothing on Bella, who could talk to him about stars and promises and family tokens with such warmth and longing in her voice that it made his heart beat faster. Of course, once she left, Bella made herself appear in front of his cell, and it was all he could do to not cry out in happiness at seeing her mostly unharmed and most certainly not captured. He laid kisses to her hands; those gentle hands that now gripped the bars of his cell with such force the knuckles were completely white, while whispering to her how glad he was to see her, and was she okay?

Once he even touched foreheads with her; the gesture sure intimate for hobbits as well, but not in exactly that romantic style the dwarves viewed it, and he couldn't help but to cradle her cheek in his palm as they shared this quiet moment of closeness.

She looked so tired after weeks spent in the fortress of King Thranduil, that when she told him she found a way for all of them to escape, he sent an ardent prayer to Mahal for the plan to work, since his Bella (yes, his, he would find a way to make his intentions clear to her) would wither like a flower in this dark place, if she had to spend any more time here.

Their escape plan worked for most part, but then a guard noticed them, and during their escape, he had to get out of his barrel to open the gate and got an arrow in his thigh for his effort. He heard Bella cry out as he fell, the pain unbearable and crippling for a moment, before he managed to stand up and pull the level, opening the gate and then just falling down, hoping that someone from the Company would make sure he was not left behind. Hands reached for him, and held him for the rest of the crazy barrel ride; Dwalin and Dori managing to actually drag him into his barrel, with Fili and Bella (who somehow managed to get herself into Fili's barrel and wasn't that just unfair) holding the side of his barrel so they wouldn't get separate. When they finally reached a place where they could safely get out of those barrels, Bella waited by his side to hear Oin tell him that while his wound is painful, it's not life threatening, before she told him he was not allowed to worry her like that, and he made a stupid joke about now finally having a scar to show off.

Smack!

The slap was unexpected, but most of all, it was making his heart twist painfully in his chest as he watched her stomp away, grumbling about idiotic dwarves who think only about scars they can show and not about the others who were half-dead with worry. She didn't know what her slap looked like to the rest of the Company.

Everyone was congratulating him on such a fine catch, and all he could say was a pained: "She doesn't know."

That certainly sobered everyone up fairly quickly, but before someone could think up a plan to make Bella know, Kili strictly prohibited them of even coming close to the subject, pulling his height as a Prince of Erebor in a way that made everyone just gape at him in surprise, unused to such displays of authority by him as they were. Bella returned not long after, still obviously upset, but she brought some plants that would help Kili fight possible infection of his wound.

And then she sneezed.

During the time before they managed to get to the Laketown, Kili was beside himself with worry. Bella looked rather unhealthy even before the barrel ride – now her eyes got a fevered sheer to them, and the blush of her cheeks no longer looked as cute as usual. She also wouldn't stop sneezing; her breathing getting raspier by each passing minute (at least Kili thought so, as he hobbled beside her, leaning on his brother).

He certainly got taste of his own medicine, when he would spend several next days by sitting by her bedside, worried senseless over Bella not waking up (Oin told him that her body needed the rest after weeks of constant tension and stress but still). When she finally regained consciousness fully; her breathing still raspy but her fever finally broken, Kili would once again spend all his time with her, telling her stories of life in Ered Luin or what the dwarves were up to here in Laketown. And once again, she would look at him with such soft look in her eyes, like she would during those all too short moments in Mirkwood.

"Bella," he blurted one day, unable to keep it to himself anymore, "do you know what slapping someone means among dwarves?"

As expected, she didn't but now that he started about it, she wanted to know.

"It's a proposal," he stammered. "Marriage proposal, that is."

She eyed him for such a long moment that he almost ran out of the room, before she sat up and slapped him so hard his ears were ringing from it.

"Now I know," she said simply with a soft smile on her lips. Smile that he soon covered with his own lips, cradling her head in his palms as he did so, weaving his fingers into the soft mass of her hair. Hair he would soon get to braid with his very own braids, telling everyone of his intent.

And if he had been grinning like a complete idiot the next day, he wasn't bothered by it at all.