Omg so short I'm so sorry , I've lost the will to write loads now shiz sticks. Just read and don't kill me R&R but none of these two word reviews please I want some lines or ideas! Red read read
They never know anything is wrong
all the whispers, all the voices, the talking they never know its there, they never realise its there, they think your just a gank on your own, but your not. Its them. The voices, telling you too. Honestly you don't want to but they make you, they make you want to break down and die but they won't let you, they like to make you suffer, they like to torture you until your about to break down then they leave, well they don't really but they stop talking, reduce themselves to a whisper so you can just barely hear then so you stop talking and you seem normal, I know she'll never come, I know she'll never really be there. Of course you don't know who I'm talking about. I'm talking about the one that scares them away, I'm talking about the one that sees them, sees me for who I am. But I'm not. She's not. Well she is but not face to face, she's not here face to face. She's here behind a screen, picture never moving never verbal. But tonight there's nobody here, which means nobody cares, nobody answers, no ones here for you. I know they, they know that. And it hurts so much. To know nobody cares. No ones here. I see all the happy people getting on with their lives, I can't do anything right. I'm just a screw up. A mistake. Not wanted. Not the norm. I can hear them chanting double taking like a broken tape. saying
she doesn't care nobody does ,doesn't care, you know she doesn't care, why do you care, you know we're here, we're going to get you, eventually, we're going to get you. No one cares, no one cares. No ones here if they cared they'd be here but no one is, no one cares about you. Unloved unloved ,unloved.
That's basically what they make me tell myself over and over out loud so I believe it. Unless I'm writing it then I don't talk. There's only been one person who stops them all together, but she's not here. To her I'm just an inconvenience, we both know it. She just won't say. She says she cares. But she's not here. Not when I'm a crumpled mess. Not when I need her the most. Come to think about it. When ever I'm at my worst she's never here. I can't even cut properly. I don't trust myself with anything other than my scissors. My scissors would never intentionally hurt me. Not unless I used them wrong. They're complex things if you handle them correctly then they'll treat you correctly. They're hear again shouting in my head, telling their stories. They won't stop, won't stop. No ones here to make them stop. No one cares about ganky old Jade. No one stops to notice the brokeness inside. Everyone stops at the surface not willing to go any further. It hurts to know no one will try. She was here just now, but she's busy so I left her alone, she doesn't know anything's wrong, well she could but I don't think she does. I'm just an inconvenience to everyone. They're going to get me soon. I'm scared but I'm not at the same time, they've been threatening for a long time. I'm probably going to pass out again soon so its fine I won't be scared anymore. I won't be scared of the voices. I can't breath. I can't stop talking. They won't let me. I shout at them but they won't leave, they know I'm scared. She's back again but now she's gone, she leaves at the most annoying times. She told me not to do anything stupid, that's basically me being myself. I'm so idiotic I can't even call her because I know I won't talk, I just want to hear her voice because she always calms me down, but I can't even do that right, there's something wrong with me in the head. I know there is but it won't stop. I want her here, not just behind a screen, I want her here with me to hug me and tell me its not real, but that's only real in my dreams. I forgot to mention that I like her, well not just like, I love her. She's perfect in every way. But it would never happen, she doesn't like me like that, she never will. I hate it, I hate being jealous about people who can talk to her so easily. They taunt me about this too. They laugh and taunt
it isn't our fault your in love with a girl you can't have
well I don't want to "have" her, she isn't an object, nobody should ever have the power to own someone. I want be able to walk holding her hand, kiss her when she's down, when someone asks if she's single, walk up behind her and kiss her and say no for her. But then I forget, these things only happen in my dreams.
For in my dreams I'm happy For the time being.