One More Night
Disclaimer: I do not own any Stargate Atlantis characters or any part of the Stargate Franchise. Major Lily Matthews is an original character.
She wasn't quite sure how things had come to be as they were. Things were different. She went through the day to day routine of life and duty with no more then a smug look on her face. She knew what people were saying about her. She was a grump, unsocial, mean. She couldn't help it. Every night, her only comfort was a bottle of whiskey. Even then it didn't provide the sort of comfort she was after.
She wanted him to be alive again. She wanted to know that she had someone back home, waiting to hold her, to let her know that everything was going to be alright. For her, he had left her alone. He had been unable to deal with her not being around. Alcohol poisoning that was what killed him. He drank himself to death. Here she was, doing the same to herself.
She sat on the edge of one of the piers of Atlantis, staring out at the ocean, an empty bottle next to her, a half empty bottle in her hand. She heard footsteps, but didn't want to know who had found her. The empty bottle she let drop into the ocean below before whoever approached could see it. Or so she had thought.
She never felt more alone, even as he sat down next to her, though it hadn't been who she had thought had found her. Maj. Lorne sat down next to her, concern written across his features. She was relieved that it wasn't Col. Sheppard. Lorne was the only one that she had been comfortable opening up to about her dead fiancé.
"Lily, what are you doing out here by yourself?"
"What does it look like Maj.? I am drowning my sorrows."
"No, I think you are trying to die the same was Jake did."
"What would you know?"
"Lily, I saw the bottle you threw into the ocean, and I can clearly see the one in your hand. It's obvious what you are doing. If I'm wrong then why do you have his picture in your other hand?"
"I miss him terribly, sir."
"I told you, call me Evan when we are off duty. Or even on duty. We are the same rank."
"You are still my superior. I only just got promoted to Major."
"That doesn't matter. It's been nearly a year since you lost Jake. Lily, I think it's time to put away the bottles and live."
"I know that you are right Evan, but how can I?"
Evan helped her off the end of the pier, making sure the bottle found its way into the ocean. He turned her to face the well lit city, two of the planets moons looming over head. "How can you not when we live and work in a place like this, exploring other planets in another galaxy."
She pulled away from him. "Because, my being here is the reason Jake is dead! How can I be expected to be happy about where I am when my being here is the only reason I don't have a husband and possibly a kid on the way! This place, this assignment, I hate it all!" She weakly, in her drunken stupor, pounded on his chest with fists, tears streaming down her face.
He held her tightly as she wept. He hated having had to anger her, but he knew, eventually this moment would happen. She was finally letting go of all her sorrow, her upset, her anger. When the last tear fell from her eyes, she looked up at him.
"You ready to go get rid of those bottles of whiskey you have hiding?" She nodded, taking a minute to compose herself. Then the two of them headed back into the city to her quarters.
Right outside her quarters, Sheppard stopped Lorne as Lily went into her quarters. As she gathered up the several bottles of liquor she had hidden, she heard Sheppard questioning Lorne about what was going on.
"See for yourself sir." Lily sighed as she heard both Lorne and Sheppard enter her quarters. By this point she had at least 7 bottles, 3 of which were almost empty, sitting on her bed.
"Christ Major, where did all this come from?"
"I snuck it from the stores that we have of all of it, sir. I would sneak a bottle or two every time we were granted another shipment of it."
"How long has this been going on?"
"Since, I returned from my fiancé's funeral, sir."
"That was almost a year ago."
"Yes sir. I have a drinking problem sir. I drink almost 2 bottles a night on a bad night. Most nights it's just one. Thanks to Maj. Lorne being a friend, I am ready to face whatever consequences come of any time I may have been drunk on duty and for stealing all this and so much for from the liquor stores that is for the entire base."
"You've been drunk on duty?"
"I may have been sir. To be honest, I can't remember the last time I was 100% sober, sir."
"Colonel, I think you should go easy on Major Matthews."
"Why is that Lorne?"
"The reason she was drinking sir. I know she didn't go the right way in seeking solace after her fiancé's death, she was wrong in the way that she dealt with the pain. Sir, she is making an effort now to change that."
Sheppard eyed her, than looked at Lorne. "I'll deal with this Major." Lorne knew that meant that he was dismissed. The doors closed after Sheppard stepped the rest of the way into her quarters.
"Why didn't you come to me Major?"
"To be honest sir, I was more comfortable speaking with Major Lorne."
"I wouldn't have thought that after the few drinking nights we had. Had I known about your problem I wouldn't have asked you to those drinking nights."
"Those nights sir, were the only nights I have like this one since Jake's death. I felt alive, almost like I was free of the guilt."
She watched as he came closer to her. "Which parts of those nights? You're kicking my ass at poker, or the drunken kisses?"
She was startled that he was being so candid with her. He had never mentioned the mishaps when they got too drunk. She thanked god the door was closed. The last thing that either one of them needed was someone getting wind that he was either being an inappropriate commander, or that they were breaking protocol.
"Don't be afraid to be honest with me Lily."
"I just don't know how to respond to this sir, sorry, John." She had stepped away from him her back however, was now against a pillar that stood in the middle of her room. He stood in front of her now. His fingers brushed along her cheeks before cupping them, he pulled her into a kiss. This kiss was different then their last one. She was tipsy, she wasn't drunk, and from previous experience she knew he wasn't drunk either. She found herself kissing him back, her hand resting on his forearm, the other slipping to caress the hair at the back of his neck.
After a moment he stopped, but still held her there. Looking in her green eyes he smiled. "It seems that you liked that part as much as I did." She stared into his eyes, her red bangs falling into her eyes. She was silent as she started at him. She had such impulses that she wanted to act on right now. She wouldn't dare. He was her commanding officer. Her leader, there was no way that she would let it get out of hand. When she felt his hands relax from her silence, she took the opportunity to slip away from the pillar and him. She thought she had gotten away from him, until she felt his hand on her arm.
She looked at it as if it were a foreign object. "Lily…" There was something about the way he looked at her. She knew he had come to see her. It wasn't a coincidence that he happened to be passing by, that he dismissed Maj. Lorne. He wanted something from her.
"Sir..."
"I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable."
"Truthfully John, you are right. I enjoyed every intimate moment we've shared. But it's not right. It is against protocol. No matter how laxed it is here, I know it doesn't get to be laxed on any intimacies of that nature with ones commanding officer. "
"I know. That's not why I came here. Ronon is off world with Teyla and Kanaan. I was coming here to ask if you cared for a sparring match. Both Ronon and Teyla say you've made marked improvements in what they've shown you. Now it might be a good way to work some of that whiskey out of your system." Lily laughed, actually laughed. She couldn't remember the last time she really laughed.
"I take it you are up for it?"
"Yes sir."
"Good. Let's go."
"What about all the bottles, sir?"
"I'll get them after we spar. C'mon Major." Any tension of any sort that had been between them was now gone. Lily actually wore a smile on her face. There weren't many people in the halls as the two of them headed for the gym. The few who had seen them, and knew Lily were shocked to see her smiling and laughing. She was telling jokes, rather off color jokes to Sheppard; he didn't seem to care until he almost snorted from one of them.
He raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Oh I get it Major. It's try to get your CO to make an ass out of himself night is it?"
She whole heartily laughed as they reached the gym. It was thankfully empty. The laughter died down as they both grabbed sets of sticks to spar with. They regarded each other, circling, waiting to see who would make the first move.
Sheppard made the first move, half charging at her. Deflecting his poor attempt at a hit, she spun out of the way, landing a hit on her own. He yelped a little, turning he glared at her.
"You did that on purpose."
"What, landing the attack?"
"No, aiming for my ass!"
"I don't know what you are talking about, sir." She smirked as he circled around for another attack. She thought she had left herself enough time to spin out of the way of his current attack, but was wrong. Though she deflected his attack they were now in the thick of a sparring session. Apparently the whiskey had done more to her then she thought as she slipped. He landed a blow to the back of her knee, then forearm. He stopped as she fell backwards. He cringed as he heard her head collide with the hard floor of the gym.
He quickly dropped the sticks and was at her side. She was conscious, but kept closing her eyes.
"Major, look at me. You alright?"
"Yes sir. Just hit my head a little too hard. Fine sir. Can you help me sit up?"
"Sure." He helped her sit up and almost had to hold her in that position as she teetered backwards. "Are you sure that you're okay?"
"Yes sir. My head doesn't hurt. I think my problem is from all the whiskey. I don't think that trying to sweat it out was such a good idea."
"I'd have to agree with you on that one Lily. My quarters are closer then yours, how 'bout a game of cards or something?"
"Texas hold 'em sir, no bids. I got no cash left anyhow."
"So play that for what then?"
"Fun. Besides, you could use the help since you are so bad at it anyhow sir."
"Very funny Major." He helped her to her feet, once making sure that she could stand and walk on her own, they left the gym. Once reaching his quarters, he went in a head of her. Walking over to his mini fridge he pulled out bottled water and tossed it to her. He grabbed himself a beer, than the deck of cards from his bedside table.
She sat on the floor, leaning against his bed. He tossed her a pillow from the couch on the other side of the room and grabbed one for himself. He came over to her, sitting on the pillow, also leaning against his bed he looked at her.
"Ready to kick my ass in poker as usual Major?"
"Ready to be taught by the best so I don't have to worry about going up against an easy target?"
"Here." He tossed her the deck of cards and watched as she shuffled. She paused for a moment as she heard him crack the can of beer. She eyed him. "Sorry Lily. I didn't even think about it when I grabbed it."
"It's fine John. It's actually better this way. It's easier to resist the temptation to drink when I'm around someone who already knows the problem. That and you're being my CO; you wouldn't let me touch it anyhow."
"That's what you say now though Lily. It won't always be like this. I've seen alcoholics go through quitting. Soon enough you'll be begging people to stop drinking in front of you. Cursing them and all."
"Well I've already passed a few of the 12 steps tonight alone. Let's just play poker and I can take it day by day."
"Right." Lily dealt the cards and after a few rounds of her kicking his ass something dawned on her.
"John."
"Yeah?"
"How are you going to handle my situation?"
"Well, I'm gonna give you a few days off to let your body get used to being sober. I'm going to order you to start having sessions with Dr. Escara until you've worked enough through the alcoholism and Jake's death. You will talk to Dr. Keller to see if there is anything she can do to help you out at all. And from there you will take it one day at a time. However over the next few days I want you going through all your old reports. If you come across any where you think you may not have been sober, you let me know."
"And what is going to happen if it turns out I may have been drunk on some of my mission's sir?"
"For one, we aren't going to tell Woolsey."
"Sir?"
"Listen Lily, before all this happened, before Jake died, you were, in my opinion, an invaluable member of this expedition. You have the gene, as strongly as I do. You may not be a pilot but you are damned good at flying the jumpers. And you are my ranking munitions expert. Even if you were drunk on all of your missions, your body was obviously used to the alcohol that you were able to function normally without it being noticed. I am going to be damned if I let something that can be fixed ruin one of my officer's career's."
"Thank you sir."
"Now that we are past that, how about you give me a few pointers and explain how you keep kicking my ass."
"Gladly John."
Sometime later they had stopped playing poker. While she had been out of uniform, wearing sweats and a tank top, she had gotten cold. Sheppard had given her a long sleeve shirt that she had put on. They talked for quite sometime before she had fallen asleep leaning against his bed. While she was sleeping, he returned to her quarters. He was surprised to find Lorne digging through her stuff. Though he had found several more empty and full bottles in places Sheppard had no idea a bottle could fit.
"Major."
"Sir."
"How much more do you have to go through?"
"Just this section of her room sir. How did you know that I was in here?"
"I didn't. I had taken Major Matthews to the gym trying to sweat out some of that whiskey. When that didn't seem to work I ordered her to show my how to play Texas Hold 'em better so she couldn't kick my ass at poker anymore. She passed out on my floor."
"Sir?"
"I was going to clean up the bottles then wake her up. Since you know the situation with her, there are a few things that you need to know and understand Major." Sheppard then explained his plan to Lorne about how he was going to straighten her out and that he could use Lorne's help in keeping an eye on her to keep her sober.
Lorne thanked him. Sheppard wasn't sure if Lorne felt more for her then he led on. But the way the two of them acted it was more like brother and sister. Sheppard hoped that that was all it was. He knew that shortly certain rules were going to be lifted for those stationed on Atlantis, particularly the military personnel. They would end up with a new policy dealing with relationships of all sorts for all personnel. While it would still be frowned upon to sleep with, date or anything else with someone in your own department, a new policy would soon be put into place. One that allowed persons to enter into a relationship under the same department, no matter what placement in that department, without penalty. Though he wasn't sure that Lily would go for it, he wanted more than those few intimate moments they had after a long night of drinking. He thought it might be good for her whether it was with him or with someone else. God knows he was hoping it was him.
After Sheppard explained to Lorne the new situation, Lorne took two boxes of bottles from her quarters as Sheppard returned to his. She was still asleep on the floor, but no longer leaning on his bed. He walked over to her and shook her.
"Lily."
She stirred and looked up at him, a little confused. As her vision focused she remembered she had fallen asleep while telling him some story from before she had met Jake. "John?"
"Come on. Time for you to head back to your own quarters. Lorne cleaned out all the bottles. He seemed to know where you hid them. Your room is now alcohol free." He helped her up. She started to removed the flannel he gave her to keep warm and he waved her off. "Just get it back to me after the next laundry day that you are scheduled for."
"Thank you John." He walked her back to her quarters. She was silent, but he could tell it was because of how sleepy she was. They regarded each other for a moment when they reached her quarters. She went in, lights off. Before the door closed he saw her lie down on her bed and fall asleep. He headed back to his quarters with a smirk on his face.
She was going to be quite the undertaking. He didn't know what had come over him. Under every other circumstance he would have made her back out of missions and given her the boot back to Earth. Things were much different now. Not just the quick and drastic change within her, but so much was changing on Atlantis. That had to be why. While Maj. Matthews had been stationed on Atlantis, John noticed he had started socializing more with those under his command and even the rest of the egg heads throughout the base. While Lily had been a vibrant person when she arrived, she had changed Atlantis.
Yes the people on Atlantis were like a family, a small colony of hundreds. Much in the same respect she had brought them together. Though when she arrived she tried to get to know everyone, but with the science departments personnel changing more then military duty rotations she had given up.
He hoped that she would get back to that fun spirited person that she was. Things just didn't seem right on Atlantis with her like this. The city seemed to be drearier. Except for tonight. She gave a certain life back to the city, one he hadn't had for a while. She seemed to have breathed life back into the city. He had hoped after her fiancé had died that he would have one more night of her smiling, her laughter, and her vibrant personality. He had had just that.
One more night was all that he had gotten. It was all that any one was going to get. Come morning, after she hadn't shown up to Dr. Escara's office for the first counseling session, Sheppard and Lorne went to check on her. There in the same position she had fallen asleep in, clutching Sheppard's flannel shirt, she lay dead.
Her lifeless body conveyed so much to him. He was in shock as Dr. Keller came to retrieve her body and determine the cause of death. She had given him that one more night he hoped for a year ago. It seemed that though she had wanted to move on, to see where any step on life would have taken her, but that one more night was all she had. Sheppard and Lorne now both had to live with the guilt that because they didn't take her to the infirmary last night, she passed on from alcohol poisoning.
Dr. Keller had tried to explain to them that there was nothing they could have done. Apparently she had been a heavy drinker even before Jake had died. Lily never woke up because of liver failure, something that could not have been stopped short of a new liver, and with her drinking problem, she would have never gotten one.
Atlantis seemed to grow dull the day they transported Major Lily Matthews body back to the SGC to be buried next to her dead fiancé. The city seemed to mourn over her. The city seemed to be crying for just one more night.