Hey, this is "You Should've Never Let Me Go!" but edited and having some extra added materials! Yes, I have to admit that I didn't edit the story before because at the time I was writing it (1 - 4 am) I was too exhausted to and never got the chance to. This is my attempt at editing my own work and hoping to make the story easier for you to read as a reader. I can say it probably might be bad in grammar structure and other points, but I'll try to work on that and improve.

Please do let me know what you think. Thanks to some readers I've decided to do this. So thank you, and hopefully this shows how any type of review or message can help a writer to improve. So please, let me know what you think!

Onward my friends! -theWanderingANBU

When it was over, he blacked out, the EVA shut down, fell to Earth and created a seismic reation that made the world quake. The world fell into silence, nothing could shatter the feeling. It felt like a remote turned it mute when the fallen hero had became the beast who shouted "I" to the heart of the world. He had done it; he stood up and became the young man he wanted to be. And when he woke up a few days later, everything started to change.

He could not remember the events, nor did he want to. Third Impact, Instrumentality, everything he dreaded in life he wanted to run away from. Sure he had the made the right choice this time, decided to let life continue even if his pain would remain constant and only magnify. Even though it meant the world would still see suffering and war could continue between Mankind and Angels, he still felt he made the right choice. If it meant he did not have to pilot EVA, if he could let go of that part of him, than it was go.
After the peace making, SEELE's destruction and the world praising him, he ran away. He ran away from the city that witnessed his ascension into heroism, and the friends who could not thank him enough. Most of all, he ran away from her when she was ready to open up.

Once again, he had run away from everything…

REBIRTH 1: DESTRUCTION

She would never forget what happened four years ago. It was a day many found bewildering when he took his bag and walked away. She tried catch him before it was too late, to make sure he would not leave. It felt like an open wound when it rose back into her mind, and she could feel tears stream from her eyes when it played its melancholic tune. It felt like it were only yesterday that it happened...

Four Years Ago –

"Where are you going?" she asked him, running as fast as her legs would allow. She could see him getting closer, his head drooped and bags in both hands. He hadn't spoken a word earlier, looking like an empty shell as he packed his clothes and walked out the front door. Her heart was beating as she began to worry. Since then, she's been running after him, hoping to calm down her heart that beated violently against her chest. When she caught up to him she held him by his shoulders and watched his eyes look to the side.

"Baka, tell me, where are --," she snapped, being interrupted by him.

"I don't know Asuka, leave me alone." He said while he still looked at the ground, never letting go of his bags.

"You are stupid leaving here when everyone praises you! You stopped Third Impact, you helped to destroy SEELE. You are a hero Shinji, and you have friends and family who care for you. What makes you want to leave?" she questioned him as he looked to the side, staying in place while he could feel her anger boiling.

"Because, Asuka."

"Because why?"

"Because."

"Wh-,"

"I don't want to face rejection! This admiration and attention is only temporary, and soon it will turn into nothing. I will be another face in the crowd that no one cares for. No one really loves me, all of this affection is because I piloted EVA. So let me go Asuka…please, let me go…" he said as he trembled underneath his hands. He felt her hands let him go, allowing him to continue walking away while her frame started to disappear behind him.

She felt like he punched her in the gut with that, and pain surfaced in every part of her body. Was it really because of EVA she had cared for him? Or the others? Maybe he was right about the others, but to her it felt different.

To her, the admiration and adoration she felt stemmed from everything she had seen about him.

She found herself running again, this time at the entrance of the train station. He was about to enter in when she stopped him with piercing words.

"I hate you."

Asuka watched him stand there in silence, freezing at the menacing words she threw at him.

"You think you deserve the praise then? If you are truly the coward you say you are, then why did you fight? You should have killed us all, made it easier for you if you wanted to. Yet you saved us all. Maybe many people do not care for you because of who you are, and maybe this is all temporary. But you are stupid to think that Misato, Touji, Kenji, Rei, or even I do not care for you. Look around you Shinji, look at who stuck by you through this all, the ones that made you laugh and smile. The ones who gave you your identity. How can you say they only care for you now when they've shown comraderie with you? Maybe you are the one who is rejecting us when you are so afraid of it."
Silence enveloped them both. No one moved, and the only sound that pierced the silence was her heavy breathing from running. The words were stinging them both, the toxin controlling every action.

"Shinji, please, stay with us, because we care for you. Even if that were the reason, that stay because…" she said, unable to finish her sentence. It felt like a roadblock had just stopped the words from getting through.

"Why Asuka? Because if I left no one would cook for you? You wouldn't have someone to tease? What is it?" he asked her without turning around, no response shooting from her mouth, "I can't stay here Asuka. I never wanted to be here. I never wanted to be apart of this. I want to leave before pain finds me to torture me again." He said while he waited for an answer picking up his bags while in the process.

"Then what made you stay? What made all of this happen? If you never wanted to be here, you should have left here before everything could begin." Asuka retorted back at him with anger laced in her words. She watched as he turned to face her, his eyes distant and cold.

"Because no one could pilot EVA but me. I had to protect everyone even if they didn't care for me. Because I wanted my Father's acceptance! Because I wanted someone to love me!"

Asuka felt a sword pierce her heart at the words and their resonation. She could see the little boy who was crying inside of him, and felt a connection with that. There was a realization that had struck her dead in her tracks: he was the same as her. Yearning for acceptance, begging for someone to love him as more than just a friend. He wanted someone to show him that he was appreciated, if not existed in their world because of who he was. Thoughts ran through her mind and kept her attention asShinji watched the look of confusion on her face.

"Goodbye Asuka." He stated while he picked his bags up again, opening the door and the entering. During that sequence, Shinji never saw the pain that etched onto Asuka's face, or the rejection he threw at her. He never saw her world collapse in front of her, or how the wall she had torn down for him had rebuilt itself with his decision.
He never watched the destruction of the world he had created.

Present-

"Life isn't the same anymore." Thought Asuka, watching the city from her porch. Ever since that night, she found herself depending on Misato for everything. She had been Asuka's comferter, her healer, and the two had developed a sisterly bond. It was something Asuka never would have guessed could exist between her and Misato, but it was nice to have someone to help ease her pain. Plus, she found it beneficial financially. She wanted to save money to be able to buy a new house that she could possibly live in on her own. Granted, all the EVA pilots were compensated for everything during the War of the Angels, but she wanted to prove that she could sustain herself by working.

"Asuka? Where are you? I need your help to decorate for your party!" trailed Misato's voice. Asuka took in a deep breath and walked back towards the kitchen, masking her depression from remembering the memory.

Since Shinji left, food had not been up to her caliber. Both her and Misato seemed to lack the intelligence of cooking. Everything else had either come close or matched his quality, but the kitchen became a different story. In the beginning, it was a war zone, where food became the missiles or the secret weapons, especially when it was burnt or undercooked. After a while, they had both decided to agree that food had just become food.

"Asuka, can you put up the rest of the decorations? This place has to look great for tonight." Exclaimed Misato, checking her creation in the oven to make sure she did not burn it. Asuka walked past the kitchen and into the closet where the decorations were. Once she retrieved them, she began to put them up around the house with hopes that the presentation of festivity would help bring happiness for the rest of the night.

"Do we really have to do this?" asked Asuka with aggravation etching her voice while she continued to put up decorations. Misato gave a quick sigh and smiled, walking out of the kitchen to help Asuka finish them up.

"Well, it is an important day. After all, someone is turning eighteen right?" She forgot about that. Misato still smiled as Asuka looked away and had focused on where to put the rest of the decorations, "Plus, you're an adult and you can do what you want now without me having to supervise you. Is that a good enough reason?"

"That's a stupid reason to think up of…" muttered Asuka under her breath, "and besides…being an adult doesn't really feel that important at this point…"

"Well, I could take away your rights as an adult and make it to where you have to be twenty-one to--," said Misato, Asuka cutting her off with an icy glare that made Misato laugh, "Just try to have some fun tonight and relax! It is great to have friends over every once in a while right?"

"All right, I can try…" said Asuka, giving a little bit of a smile.

Soon the decorations were set, and the food looked presentatable. Asuka double checked everything: sampling the food, looking at the decorations, making sure there were enough plates and utensils. Based off of her evaluations, everything seemed perfect. She gave a sigh as a wave of relief swept over her.

"Well, no one will die tonight from your cooking." Asuka said jokingly, riling Misato up and getting a laugh as a result. Everything seemed to point out that tonight would go smoothly. Her mind had been stuck on Shinji, but the atmosphere here made him fall into the darkest parts of her mind. For now, she could let go of everything and have fun tonight. At least, that was the hope they both carried.

"Asuka, go get ready, the party is going to start soon and you should look your best for tonight." Asuka agreed and ran off, leaving Misato in the room with a smile.

"Misato," said Asuka, her head peeking from behind the wall. Misato looked at her, waiting for an answer and Asuka felt a smile etch on her face, "thank you for everything." She headed off towards the shower, feeling great from the way things felt. Usually she would never allow emotion to get the better of her, but how could she hide it from Misato? The smile on her face stayed with her even into the shower.

"I'll make sure it's one of the best birthdays you've had!" yelled Misato from what seemed the kitchen, reaching into something. Asuka had a feeling, saying what she felt was predictable.

"Don't drink too much already! Save that for during the party." Exclaimed Asuka, shutting the door behind her.
Misato looked around the place and felt a depressing sigh escape from her chest. It was empty. Always it was empty. Shinji had taken away what seemed the spirit of the place with him. Much like how she felt her life was heading, all it was was empty space to her. With NERV only operational because she is the head of it, Kaji dead and SEELE destroyed, there was nothing left to do. No vengeance left out to carry, or worry of human blood for completion. Still, she could not help but smile at the mix she was throwing in tonight, feeling the words she was thinking escape her lips.

Misato looked around the place, a depressing sigh escaping from her chest. The place was empty, much like it had always felt since Shinji had left. He had taken away what seemed the spirit of the place with him. Much like how she felt her life was becoming, all it was was empty space to her. NERV is under her control, no War of the Angels, no SEELE, or even Kaji. She could still feel the touch of him on her as a moment of pining took her, but made her realize that once again he was gone. She remembered then what she was adding into the party tonight, and a the words she said made a smile creep onto her face.
"You are in for a real treat Asuka."

Shower –

"I hate this…this feeling of anger and frustration…it is driving me insane…I am being an idiot right now…" she felt the water like it was a remedy, the drops taking in bits and pieces of her rage that had solidified inside. Yet she could still feel it remaining, like it was immovable force to stay put within her. Moments ago she felt happy, but when she walked in here the atmosphere changed. She could feel Shinji's presence in here, and it was driving her mad. She felt memories of the times she were alone on her own.
Then again, Asuka had felt she was always alone…

"If I hadn't been so stupid and had been able to say the words he would have stayed. Instead I pushed him away, I made him leave. I could see in his eyes his yearning to hold me; I saw a different Shinji than I was used to. Still, through all of it, he left me here." She thought to herself, the pain taking power away from the relaxation.

"Worst of all. The words I couldn't say to him were the words he wanted to hear…that I love him." She thought to herself, now words coming out of her mouth, "Third was a coward, and spineless. Sometimes he was not on the good side. That is not my type of guy, but for some reason he is an exception."
She started to feel the revelations and epiphanies of four years ago reign down on her,. Worst of all, she remembered the feeling she had when she realized how similar they were…

"He was like me, when I saw me in him, I should've realized it. But I was too afraid. Too afraid to get near him!" began Asuka while tears formed in her eyes, "I didn't want to be hurt again, not by anyone, and so I let no one near me, and yet he did! He broke through the barriers I set…and he left me. Why didn't you hold me Shinji, why didn't you kiss me? Didn't you get it? I couldn't allow you near me, but I wanted you like you wanted me! And now look at me!" snapped Asuka, looking at her hands and trembling, "I feel alone again! I feel so stupid! Damn it Shinji…"

She realized she was brooding on the subject she despised the most and laughed. This was supposed to be a fun night , not "I'm going to think about Shinji and why he left me" night. She felt satisfaction in accepting that, a smile leaping onto her face as she exited the bathroom.

Misato-

It seemed Misato was eager to get into the shower. As soon as Asuka stepped out Misato had run in, making sure that this was the fastest shower she had ever taken. She wanted to make sure that she would not miss a single moment of this party, the special surprise could show up at any time. She was hoping that the risk with this surprise would pay off, but she had a feeling it was going to be awhile before being appreciated. Within minutes she was dressed and ready for the party. The door bell rang, and the party was deemed official upon entrance of the first partygoer.

The party started with the arrival of Hikari and Touji together, much like the past year and a half. Asuka was able to hook them up, creating a situation for Hikari to ask Touji out since he is practically oblivious. Since they have hooked up, they seem so content and happy. She was happy for them, but at the same time jealous. Jealous of her friends finding the ones they love and becoming a couple; it felt like an arrow was constantly stabbing through her heart. She wandered off into a daydream; the idea of her and Shinji dating. To have someone who loved her, showed her affection and kindness without a request. With Shinji, that warmth she longed for seem possible. Most of all, she felt that she could be one with Shinji.

"Hey Hikari and stooge number 1" Asuka said with a fake cheery voice, with a hint of her patented fake smile. They both looked at Asuka and replied back with a smile. "Happy Birthday Asuka, and thanks for inviting us to the party!" exclaimed Hikari with her bright smile, Asuka feeling a real smile etch on her face. Hikari had become a sister to Asuka over the years, and it seemed that they were inseparable from each other. That is, if you do not count Touji wanting to take Hikari on a date.

"Yeah thanks fo' invitin' us!" said Touji with a smile, kindness oozing from it. Though she tried to keep the façade of what they had grown used to (Red-Haired Demon), she felt she had grown closer to everyone with these past four years. He could even tell they had gotten closer, and they had formed a stronger friendship. Still, he had to deal with the typical name calling and being declared a pervert here and there. In the end, the friendship was worth more to him than that.

"Do I also get a hello?" said another familiar voice that carried from the outside. Asuka could tell who it was immediately, and prepared to tease them as if it were routine.

"Who cares about the next stooge? Besides, you probably are going to try and video tape something worth blackmailing. Aren't you Kensuke?" Asuka stated with her well-known insulting voice, a smile on his face as he walked through the door.

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead and think what you want because I left my camera at home, so I can't record anything. It's also your birthday, and I do not want the Red-Ha—Ow!" exclaimed Kensuke after being punched in the arm by Asuka.

"I can't believe you guys still call me that…" said Asuka with a warmed up voice, Kensuke giving a light laugh as a response.

"At least it isn't as painful as it used to be…" muttered Kensuke while rubbing his arms, walking more towards Touji and Hikari while Asuka waited at the door.

Kensuke and Asuka were finally getting along now. At first, she would not be his friend until he "matured" to her standards, and even then it took a while. Slowly she warmed up to him and accepted him as a friend. Now, they're finally at the point to where they could laugh at stuff together.

"Where would you like us to place the gifts?" Hikari asked Misato, Asuka closing the door and walking to where everyone was.

"I'll go ahead and put them on the table for you, why don't you guys just have fun?" asked Misato, taking the gifts from Hikari and walking off. Asuka decided to play a joke on Touji, and decided to tack on something she noticed when they were in high school.

"So Touji, do you have perverted thoughts about Misato still?" asked Asuka, nailing her target bullseye as the question had turned Touji many shades of red. Hikari looked at him, waiting for an answer, and he felt a lump go down his throat.

"Not anymore now that I've got the girl I've always wanted…" said Touji with a swift recovery, Hikari giving him a kiss for that compliment.

"See Asuka? He's got a sensitive side." Asuka gave in, agreeing that the stooge had grown up. Though for keeping up her typical personality, she gave a defeated "hmph".
The party went on perfectly, and as for Asuka it was the first time she could feel herself genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. She had been happy every once in a while, content at the very least. For some reason tonight felt different, and she revelled in its glory. Tonight was showing her that she should always enjoy her days and not let anything keep her down. This was how life was meant to be; never to live in the past but onward in the present towards the future.
Minutes later Misato had brought out a cake that even made Asuka suspicious. The cake had looked perfect; nothing was burnt, nothing seemed to sag from being undercooked, it was perfect. Asuka gave Misato a look of suspicion, only to get a affirming look from Misato that relaxed Asuka. They sang her the birthday song…or at least it had the form of a birthday song…something with monkeys in a zoo.

After Asuka's "joking rampage" on the two instigators (Touji and Kensuke), they had began to eat the cake. Miasto sat there with a beer in hand, watching Asuka while her face continued to have a glow.

"You needed tonight Asuka, and I'm glad to see you like this." She thought to herself while she took a sip of her Yebisu beer. However, what was more important was the next part she had planned, as she watched the clock and waited…

3…

2…

1…

RING! "Perfect" thought Misato, happy that her surprise had arrived in time.

Asuka decided to go and get, telling Misato to sit down. She watched the sequences unfold as Asuka opened the door.
Asuka's smile had faded as she stared in shock at the person standing at the door. She seemed frozen, stuck that spot while her face was struck with confusion and shock. Silence ensued as everyone at the table waited patiently, worry stumbling over them. Finally, it was the person standing at the door who decided to break the silence, uneasiness settling over him.

"May I come in?"