A/N: A crack fic that comes along with my other updates. ONESHOT!
"Behold to my new scientific discovery, the greatest theory of all time!" cried Komui one morning. Everybody watched him with suspicion and anxiety. Had Komui created another new Super Mega Komlin that couldn't be destructed even by the innocence weaponry? Hopefully not, because that would only mean disaster.
"What is it, Nii-san?" asked Rinali, the only person who was eager enough to know what was Komui's latest work. Komui chinned up at them, clapping his hand in between the illusion drum roll. Then, a random curtain dropped down out of nowhere and the scientist looked as if he was about to receive a noble prize from the hall of fame.
Unable to resist his fear and frustration, Kanda unsheathed his unbeatable mugen. "Explain yourself and stop fooling around", he said sternly. Komui slowly backed away three steps from Kanda before coughing to announce what his discovery was all about.
"Everybody, do you know the atomic bonding in chemicals such as Covalent bonding and Ionic bonding?" asked Komui. Half of his audience, mostly from science department, nodded their head and the other half who by any chances could be labelled as poorly educated, mostly the exorcists, just shook their head. Komui, who wasn't being the least help at all assumed that everybody knew about it and didn't bother the slightest to explain what the bonds were to the people who were completely oblivious to it.
"If atoms in chemicals have bonding, so do humans because we are also made from chemical. I have thought about it quite some times and one morning, I woke up to carry the experiment because the inspiration of Einstein's theory and Newton had burst in me", said Komui with one hell of beautiful scientific words and praises to his favourite idols.
"Do you recognize this?" asked Komui as he lifted out two male underwear from the basket next to him; a blue and a red underwear. Allen blushed, so do Kanda. Obviously because the lifted underwear belonged to them. "What the hell is he trying to pull here?" thought Allen uncomfortably and Kanda, not being able to think a word to say, just stood there, stunned.
"There are two types of bonds between humans. One is repel and one is attraction. For now, I'm just going to unravel the attraction bonding because I am still working on the repel theory. For the attraction bonding, these two examples underwear will prove to us the attraction between the wearer although in our eyes they seems to repel from each other. Now, I will charge the electric current lowly so that it will not burn and let's see what'll happen", said Komui as he set up the equipment. When he connect the circuit, suddenly, the two underwear attached right onto each other and stayed there until Komui disconnected the circuit where they dropped down on the floor and lay still.
"The attraction bond has it's own properties like the metallic bonding. It can conduct electricity and linked the two persona together through magnetism. Once the person meets his or her partner, the ion charges in the body started to become free and let the electric current to pass through them. Believe it or not, the bond cannot be removed until the day you die. How freaky is that? However, that's not the end of it. I will show you the next property of the attraction bond", said Komui. Everybody was starting to be interested in Komui's theory of human bonding except for Allen and Kanda who was swearing to kill Komui after this was over by any means.
"Let's see what happened when I burn these two underwear at the same time using the Bunsen burner", he said as he hovered the underwear over the fire. The degree celcius of the flame was 700 C and oddly, the underwear was still the same and they weren't any sign at all for them to be burnt into pieces. "Komui, why isn't it burning?" asked Lavi in amazement.
"That is because they have high melting and boiling point when they are put together. That is why whenever you're doing sex, you'd feel boiling inside and warm in the outside. A lot of energy is required to satisfy the need of each partner. I believe that when they are doing it, the melting point of both people are added up together and usually, they are more than 700 C", answered Komui proudly. The crowd cheered. They had never thought that love between human could also be predicted that way.
"But then, Komui, if this is correct, how would you confirm that?" asked Reever doubtfully. Komui fixed his glasses. Cleverly, he suggested, "Why don't ask the owner of the two underwear?" Everybody was looking around to search any sign of ownership such as blushing, denying or any other suspicious action amongst the crowd but since Kanda and Allen were also straining themselves from letting any sign slip, most of the people didn't doubt them.
No matter how hard they tried to hide, they would still have to face their pride blow when Komui suddenly focused the spotlight on them. On his face was a widespread grin and something told them that he had been waiting for this embarrassing moment to come for ages. "There, there. Don't be shy. When we found a new knowledge, we have to share it with others. Now, what do you say, Allen and Kanda? Agree with me?" asked Komui darkly.
"NO, I WON'T AND NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!" cried Allen half panicking.
"Denial", everyone in the room chorused. They turned to look at him with eyes glinting with shounen ai and yaoi's flame.
"I said... I said I won't and plus, Kanda would not agree to that too, right?" asked Allen, hoping some reassurance in the havoc. On the other hand, Kanda just stood there with his pessimistic face.
"What can we do, Allen? They want us to be together so, why not we just endure them?" pointed Kanda. Allen gaped. He had never thought Kanda would give up so easily. This couldn't be happening! This is insane!
"No! No! I will not like Kanda! Kanda is the opposite side of me! He hate me too! Right, Kanda? Right?" stuttered Allen. However, Kanda just approached him in silence and that gave him a goose bump. "So, what? I don't care if it is the opposite attraction or not. Furthermore, they always say contrasting always produced something sweet and beautiful like Picasso who half caste his painting and musician mixing the black and white keys to make a beautiful music and why not we, the white Allen and the black me be together to make moments of excitement?" purred Kanda as he started to take off his cloth one by one in front of the rest of the audience. From far away, Komui grinned in satisfaction. His theory was working.
"Please, don't! Don't! I am not homo! I am not gay!" denied Allen.
"Say whatever you want, moyashi cause you will only make me like you even more", whispered Kanda and he naughtily bite Allen's cheek. Oh, no, everyone! Allen's in trouble.
"No, no, no, no", protested Allen but he was so helpless and in a minute, he too was naked; his uniform was cut by Kanda's blade.
XxxXxxX
"No, no, no..." muttered Allen softly. Kanda beat the moyashi's cheeks lightly and he was tired of waking the snowy haired boy using the soft ways, hence, he slapped Allen on his face hard. Allen blinked sleepily at Kanda for a while looking so relieved.
"Kanda, thank god you have been yourself again", said Allen. Kanda narrowed his eyes, confused. "Whatever. Tch, let's get back to the headquarters", said Kanda at last. He didn't want to ask too many question at the moyashi and furthermore, he didn't feel like speaking too much. The two exorcists strolled quietly and suddenly, Allen took the samurai by his hand. "Let's walk together, shall we?" he asked, giving a pleading puppy look at Kanda. "Tch, whatever", said Kanda, assuming that the moyashi was just having fever due to the fighting shock. Hmm... Maybe Komui's theory was right after all.