My Heart, My Sun

by Ambuu

continues from right after Jacob kisses Bella and goes off to fight in Eclipse. i was really mad that Bella didn't choose Jacob, so this is my version. i know that the first chapter is a lot like the book, but starting with the chapter 2 it changes.

1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

He runs away, his shape blurring; every step taken shaking me, even though they are silent. Even now with him gone I feel his kiss, his light, radiating through every part of me. As I feel him retreating, to go to fight, I feel my heart rip, and sink down to somewhere unknown in my body, some kind of black hole.

Why? Jacob kissed me, and when his barriers dropped, I dropped mine. Why didn't't I stop him? Because I know now. I know. I love Jacob. Too. I love Jacob too. Why is it so hard? A tear slides down my cheek. Edward. My heart threatens to continue its ripping process. How could I betray him like that? How can I betray him like that? Because I'm still betraying him. Every time I think about Jake I'm betraying him. I have to choose. But that's not a hard choice is it? Isn't't it? Of course my choice is Edward. Isn't it?

My heart battles itself. Edward, Jake. Jake, Edward. My heart, my Sun. My Sun, my heart. It's not even that simple. Because Jacob's part of my heart too now, always has been.

A hand appears on my shoulder, hard and cold. Extremely cold thanks to this snow storm, even with my space heater. My teeth start to chatter, and the hand disappears quickly. He's here, and as usual, my heart starts hyperventilating. I'm not breathing right, and my tears make the process even harder. He smiles, though it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Bella?" he inquires, and that makes it worse.

I'm hurting him. I'm hurting him, and he's comforting me.

"Don't you know?" I manage.

"Know what? That Jacob Black manipulated you into kissing him?"

I stifle a gasp.Manipulate is a harsh word.

"Yes, he manipulated you. He wasn't going to go down in a fight."

The knowledge doesn't even faze me. I can't hate Jacob.

He sighs, beautifully, "And I can't even remove his jaw."

"Don't," I start, but I can't finish.

"You're thinking aren't you?" he asks, his face smooth, his eyes sad.

I'd love to say no, to assure him that I love him, that I'm his. But I'm just not sure any more.

He takes my silence in and looks at the floor, waiting for the fight to begin. All the while my hearts being torn apart.