The Voyage to the West
A cool breeze stirred Frodo's freshly permed hair as he leaned on the great ship's railing and watched the water rush by as they made their way to the western lands. The calm atmosphere was shattered by Elrond's usual early morning tantrum, "WHERE THE ^$&# IS MY CIRCLET?! I DON'T WANT -THAT- CIRCLET, YOU &#%@HEAD! THE SILVER ONE WITH THE GOLD TRIM! WHAT THE &%$@ IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? YOU CALL YOUSELVES ELVES AND YOU CAN'T EVEN PROPERLY GEL HAIR?! IF YOU DON'T HAVE ME LOOKING GOOD AND NOBLE IN TWO MINUTES, I'LL HAVE YOU ALL TOSSED TO THE SHARKS!"
Frodo sighed and shifted his weight off the railing. He missed Sam. Sam... the name whispered on the summer breeze... his charming personality... his muscular arms built up from long days tugging at the carrots in the garden with the sun beating down... plastering his clothes against his hot, sweaty body as he panted with... Frodo beat his head against the railing. "Must... not... think... of... Sam... in... that... way..." he muttered through clenched teeth.
Gandalf appeared at his side, "My dear hobbit, I cannot help but notice that your noggin is connecting forcefully with that hard wood."
"Oh Gandalf..." whimpered Frodo, "I never noticed how badly Sam wanted me until we set out on this voyage. If only I had thought to make a move."
"There there, Frodo. It was obvious the boy was kinky. 'Master' this and 'master' that. There would have been problems. It was not meant to be. Ah kinkiness... many great kings have fallen into it's snares and never left their chambers to manage affairs of state again. Why, even I have had my encounters with it.. I remember this one lass, well woman, really... she was a bit wrinkled of brow and grey of hair but DAMN, Frodo, could she ever..."
Frodo never discovered what she could do, however, as he had backed away and hidden in a crate with cries of "The mental images! Gandalf doing... Gandalf doing... ARRRRGH!"
Late that night Galadriel discovered him cowering as she was out for a midnight sweep-robe-around. "Whatsoever be the troubles of thy? Art you inflicted with a sickness of thee gut? A imbalance of thy humours?"
"It's... the... images... the images have me, m'lady... I fear I may not last."
"Ahhh. Harken to me, Ringbearer, my sentences may be the grammatical equivalent of scrambled eggs, but I knowest a thing or two about the imagination of men. I know this; it is dangerous and stuff. So... er... stop using it, thee." And with that she swept off to sing to the fishies.
And so the vessel passed for many days amongst the waves and stuff. On the morning of the 36512th day land was sighted and the ship was soon set to anchor on a strange shore. Flashes whirls of colour passed over the land and much screaming was heard. Silence settled over the ship as they realized what they were seeing. A few minutes passed. And then a couple more before a wild cry arose from the the deck, "WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAAAAAAND!"
And they all lived happily ever after on the mystical Western (disney)Land until they puked.
A cool breeze stirred Frodo's freshly permed hair as he leaned on the great ship's railing and watched the water rush by as they made their way to the western lands. The calm atmosphere was shattered by Elrond's usual early morning tantrum, "WHERE THE ^$&# IS MY CIRCLET?! I DON'T WANT -THAT- CIRCLET, YOU &#%@HEAD! THE SILVER ONE WITH THE GOLD TRIM! WHAT THE &%$@ IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? YOU CALL YOUSELVES ELVES AND YOU CAN'T EVEN PROPERLY GEL HAIR?! IF YOU DON'T HAVE ME LOOKING GOOD AND NOBLE IN TWO MINUTES, I'LL HAVE YOU ALL TOSSED TO THE SHARKS!"
Frodo sighed and shifted his weight off the railing. He missed Sam. Sam... the name whispered on the summer breeze... his charming personality... his muscular arms built up from long days tugging at the carrots in the garden with the sun beating down... plastering his clothes against his hot, sweaty body as he panted with... Frodo beat his head against the railing. "Must... not... think... of... Sam... in... that... way..." he muttered through clenched teeth.
Gandalf appeared at his side, "My dear hobbit, I cannot help but notice that your noggin is connecting forcefully with that hard wood."
"Oh Gandalf..." whimpered Frodo, "I never noticed how badly Sam wanted me until we set out on this voyage. If only I had thought to make a move."
"There there, Frodo. It was obvious the boy was kinky. 'Master' this and 'master' that. There would have been problems. It was not meant to be. Ah kinkiness... many great kings have fallen into it's snares and never left their chambers to manage affairs of state again. Why, even I have had my encounters with it.. I remember this one lass, well woman, really... she was a bit wrinkled of brow and grey of hair but DAMN, Frodo, could she ever..."
Frodo never discovered what she could do, however, as he had backed away and hidden in a crate with cries of "The mental images! Gandalf doing... Gandalf doing... ARRRRGH!"
Late that night Galadriel discovered him cowering as she was out for a midnight sweep-robe-around. "Whatsoever be the troubles of thy? Art you inflicted with a sickness of thee gut? A imbalance of thy humours?"
"It's... the... images... the images have me, m'lady... I fear I may not last."
"Ahhh. Harken to me, Ringbearer, my sentences may be the grammatical equivalent of scrambled eggs, but I knowest a thing or two about the imagination of men. I know this; it is dangerous and stuff. So... er... stop using it, thee." And with that she swept off to sing to the fishies.
And so the vessel passed for many days amongst the waves and stuff. On the morning of the 36512th day land was sighted and the ship was soon set to anchor on a strange shore. Flashes whirls of colour passed over the land and much screaming was heard. Silence settled over the ship as they realized what they were seeing. A few minutes passed. And then a couple more before a wild cry arose from the the deck, "WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAAAAAAND!"
And they all lived happily ever after on the mystical Western (disney)Land until they puked.