This is Sever here. I had to rewrite this since I wrote it on my new tablet. I don't have word on it or anything just a free journal app. This here is an omake for 'Konan On Top - An Akatsuki Story' that is also in progress and is a Oneshot based in Menma's dimension from Road to Ninja Please enjoy and I do not own Naruto.
For questions, corrections or anything either comment or review! Thank you and I do not own Naruto, but Deidara and Obito are my btches, bwahaha!
It was a long, boring day. Rain fell in sheets and Leader was too busy with mounds of paperwork to worry about sending anyone on a mission. I should have been helping him, but being the selfish person that I am - and being sick as a dog thanks to Obito's experimental cooking today - I was seated in the big fluffy dark blue recliner. It was away from the other pieces of furniture and engulfed me in its size and plush. I loved this chair, even though Itachi usually hogged it to himself while in his novels.
Most of the other Akatsuki members were well away from me and chose to avoid me, fearing that I might be contagious. Obito would check on me occasionally but other than him everyone else was avoiding me. (Although Sasori's reason for avoiding me was so I didn't get my filth or germs on his 'art'. Typical Sasori.)
Today, even though my stomach felt like a thousand kunai were trying to pierce through, I had my laptop set on my lap as I wore my powder blue pajamas and my Kurama slippers on my feet as I sat Indian-style. My fingers typed mindlessly at the keys, but after a few sentences, I was lost. (Writer's block anyone?) I couldn't think of who or what to write about. Usually I was inspired by the gruff, rude, handsome men that made up this organization. Every time I was inspired I'd write a short yaoi, though usually its entire purpose was to seek vengeance on eight certain idiots, even though I couldn't write about Tobi. (That evil little... Uchiha! Are they all like that?)
I needed inspiration, and who should appear at that moment but the devil himself - in a ruffled pink apron over his normal black attire. I looked at him like he was growing an extra head or turned into a jinchuriki's blood cloak form.
"Tobi", I asked calmly as I stared in awestruck horror at the apron-wearing S-rank ninja, "why are you wearing that?" I flicked my eyes towards the apron.
He giggled. He really giggled, like a schoolgirl would. "Konan-chan! I always wear this kind of thing; it hides my secret superhero identity! I'm Tobi-man!"
I sweatdropped. Tobi was not this man's real name and he really wasn't a hero at all. "You aren't Tobi Man; your name is Obito Uchiha of the Hidden Leaf," I deadpanned. "You kill people for a living and spy on people. If you're 'Tobi Man'", I said doing quotations with my fingers with added sarcasm, "then I'm Wonder Woman."
Tobi didn't move and when he finally spoke it was barely audible. "But I'm a good boy. Tobi wears a mask", he pouted quietly.
My eye twitched in annoyance. "This isn't even about that! I was talking about the apron", I yelled at the dense man before me.
He acted as though he had just realized it and sobered up. "Oh, that", he exclaimed and chuckled in his more handsome, masculine voice. It never failed to bring heat to my face. I could almost feel the smug grin on his face under his mask, "It's because I'm taking care of you today Konan-chan." Instead of his childish facade, he was still using his true, handsome voice. It was drool-worthy!
My face was beet red, partly from illness and partly Obito Uchiha's sexy chuckle. I turned my face away, hoping he didn't notice. "S-shut up, Tobi. You don't have to babysit me y'know", I grumbled not meeting his eyes - er, eye.
"But Tobi made you sick", he pouted. Then he perked up and stabbed his thumb to his ruffly pink apron-wearing chest, "So Tobi will make you feel better! It's Tobi's responsibility!"
I sighed and turned back to him, staring him in the face with my usual sober, expressionless visage. "You can start by taking that stupid mask off and using your REAL name", I said grumpily. I didn't want him knowing that I liked him, even if he pretended to be a retarded asshole half of the time. (Though in reality he was a psychotic asshole.)
Obito hesitated for a moment and sighed tiredly before lifting a hand up to push up his mask. He shrugged and smiled at me. His left eye was shut and his right eye was a dark onyx black that seemed to look into your soul.
My eyes widened briefly at his face. 'Quick Konan! Look away before you start undressing him with your eyes', my thoughts screamed. I looked back down at my laptop screen to watch the blinking cursor. I'm surprised he doesn't have as many fans as Itachi or Deidara even!
He fluffed up his spiky black hair back into place. "It gets tiring pretending to be someone else", he said. I could see him physically relax some, but his chakra flared out to make sure no one else would walk in and see his face. He was careful like that. I don't know if it was just because he was shy, or didn't want anyone knowing he was alive, or what. The only reason Pein and I knew was because I read the manga 'Naruto' and showed him.
"I thought you liked pretending to be an idiotic jerk, Obito", I said in a macabre manner, spitting his name out like it scorched my tongue.
He put a hand over my mouth and a single finger to his lips. "Shh", he whispered, "they'll know!"
I looked dreamily into his one black eye as he smiled before batting it away. "Don't do that again", I snarled and at that I took a deep breath. "So Obito, you wanted to help, right?"
"Mm-hmm!" Obito smiled so genuinely that his one eye seemed to smile too. "I'd do anything to help Konan-chan", he exclaimed.
Jashin dammit! Why does he keep saying 'chan' with my name?!
I lowered my voice so no one would hear me, in the case they happened to walk in. "Truth be told Obito, I'm having a bit of writer's block", I said bashfully.
He gasped and cringed dramatically! "Holy Jashin! Great Madara! Pein! Those other deities that don't matter; the Apocalypse is nigh", he said before inputting a masculine chuckle.
Angry tick marks appeared on my forehead and it hurt too much to use any of my chakra, being as a person's chakra coils were located in their chest and stomach. Instead I just punched him in the arm but unsurprisingly, he expected it and didn't even flinch when I hit him. How dissatisfying!
"I was being serious Tobi! I don't know what to write!"
"I thought we agreed to use my real name", he said smoothly.
I glared at him with my dark macabre expression saying I-will-beat-you-down-with-origami-swans. "Obito", I said in a low unladylike growl.
He cleared his throat. "Well then", he said coming around the back of the chair, "what cha writing about Konan-chan?"
"Limes", I stated bluntly.
"Limes", he asked with the question clear in his voice.
"Boy love."
Obito sweatdropped but read through the first few lines. "You just described our common room", he stated.
My turn to sweatdrop now.
"I'll assume it's about one of the others at least", he asked strangely close to my ear. I could feel his breath ghosting on my neck and brushing against my hair, bringing a blush to my cheeks.
"Uh-huh, but I don't know who yet", I replied.
"Hmm... well, Itachi and Deidara sounds good", he said in an uncertain tone. I couldn't see his face but I knew he was seriously working over the idea in his mind.
I giggled remembering a certain incident.
"What's so funny", he asked puzzled and maybe somewhat afraid that my dirty perverted yaoi-fangirl mind may have been wandering somewhere else.
I stifled my laughter by biting my bottom lip before snickering, "Remember when you had a crush on Dei when you thought he was a girl?"
He sighed and buried his face in his arm. "I wish you'd stop bringing it up", he said tiredly in a just barely audible voice.
"Sorry Obito", I said still trying - and failing - to not laugh at him. "Do you think they like each other though", I asked turning to look at him.
He lifted his head up and met my eyes."Deidara and Itachi? Maybe", he answered cautiously.
I lifted an eyebrow, "Why maybe?"
He seemed to become more alert and glared daggers into the far wall. His Sharingan was even lit up! "Because Itachi was the one who suggested Pein recruit Deidara. They've known each other forever", he said turning back to me. "Why else would Leader recruit a known terrorist?"
I wanted to argue, saying that was what Akatsuki did, but that was in the 'Naruto' world. We lived in the "Menma' world so I just said, "Oh", like an idiot. I mentally facepalmed.
Obito pulled his mask back down over his face. "Someone's coming", he whispered.
I closed out the window and sure enough a grumbling, upset 'someone' walked in. Deidara.
The blond proceeded to plop down onto the couch and start molding some clay with a begrudging glare.
Tobi and I proceeded to watch him until he looked up and screamed, "Stop staring at me or I'll blast you to pieces and watch your corpses burn, un!"
Tobi and I both looked away - me at my laptop, pretending to be busy and Tobi at the paper flower in my hair, which was really unnerving. (A/N: Just so you know, I only refer to him as 'Tobi' with the mask on or when Konan's ticked at him.) When he was occupied with kneading chakra into his clay we both began watching curiously as he muttered something about his rival, Itachi Uchiha, Obito's nephew. (Weird. I must be getting old if I'm into a guy who already has a grown nephew!)
I guess 'speak of the devil and he shall appear', because at that moment Itachi himself casually walked in and sat next to Deidara. His thin, bow-like lips were pressed into one of his Uchiha smirks. Deidara however sneered in disgust, moved away to the opposite end of the couch, and proceeded to work on his 'art'.
There was a long awkward silence as Deidara's angry aura filled the room ready to burst and kill us all, or at least me. It'd just go through Tobi and Itachi was too fast and badass to get blown up by his self-proclaimed rival.
Tobi spoke to break the tension and silence, "Senpai! Senpai! Hi! Tobi wants to play 'Mommy'!"
Well that was random. Wait, what?! I went into a coughing fit and turned purple choking on the randomness and the images brought to mind.
"Tobi shut the hell up and go away, un", Deidara hissed, squishing the clay into a messy ball.
Tobi hung his head and stalked off towards the kitchen. Deidara followed him with his azure eyes before adding, "And quit calling me 'senpai', un! You're a grown-ass man, un!"
The blond went back to his own work and ignoring Itachi. I discreetly watched as Itachi picked up his book - that manifested magically because Itachi is just that badass - and began reading whilst stealing glances over at the bomber. Am I imagining things?
I just watched and waited for one of the two to do something until finally Deidara grumbled, "Stop staring at me, un."
Itachi closed his book and watched as Deidara pressed the two palm-mouths together, passing the clay between them. "You know Deidara", he said getting up and looking down at the blond, "if you keep playing with those, you may go blind."
Deidara glared at him heatedly with his chakra flaring, "Piss off, Itachi!"
The raven shrugged and walked off, and although it was surprising to see - but at the same time completely expected seeing as how this is a short omake and the author wanted at least one thing to make you laugh, etcetera, etcetera - Itachi smacked his face into the wall.
Deidara not wanting to miss out on the moment, turned and laughed at the raven. "Like you have room to talk Uchiha, un", Deidara laughed.
Itachi, still maintained his stoic expression and turned to look at the blond before smirking and smoothly saying, "Indeed, Deidara." In those two words, everything was implied and Deidara's mouth dropped as the raven left.
My mouth dropped too as I looked at the flushed, beet-red bomber across the room. I wanted to ask what he meant so I began opening my mouth when the boy turned and glared at me.
"Say NOTHING!"
"I was just going t-"
"NOTHING, un!"
I just sighed as the curiosity started to overwhelm me. So, before he could stop me I quickly spit out, "Areyoutwoacouple? YoushouldREALLYbeacouple!"
Deidara growled and snarled at me loudly, "No! That's stupid,un!" He was still blushing - or if anything, blushing an even brighter shade of red. Who would've thought, yeah? Great! Now 'I' sound like that blondie!
I felt something weird over my shoulder and glanced behind me. I squeaked in surprise. That freak, 'Tobi', was poking out of the wall and he whispered, "Inspiration", knowing that only I'd know what he meant. I snorted as he floated - yes freaking floated! - across the room and through the wall to Deidara's left.
He looked at me and deadpanned, "You're all crazy, un."
I rolled my eyes and began typing. "Says the pyromaniac", I muttered.