Title: Away From too Rough Fingers
Series: X
Author: Tiamat's Child
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama/Angst
Disclaimer: None of 'em belong to me. Pity...
Summary: Kamui watches Yuzariha dance in the rain and rambles.
Note: The poem, of course, is "The Dreamkeeper" and it belongs to Langston Hughes. Yes, I know he's dead. Doesn't matter, poem's still his.
Away From too Rough Fingers
Tiamat's Child
Yuzariha's dancing in the rain again.
The water tumbles down from the sky as if it were pouring out of some cloud maiden's shattered jug. The drops are heavy and so thick that they almost manage to make a solid curtain. They hit the pavement and bounce back, rising as high as Yuzariha's ankles before falling to earth for good. Above her the lightning leaps from cloud to cloud, sewing jagged seams through the dark sky.
Yuzariha spins and prances, her sopping hair alternately lifting off her face and plastering itself to her neck, forehead, cheeks, anything within striking range. Her old yellow sundress is thoroughly soaked through. It moves in that odd fashion wet cloth has, now clinging, now swinging free. Her bare feet strike the pavement sharply, rising little tidal waves of puddle water every time they do so. Her huge black umbrella, made for someone twice her size, swings wide as she uses it to flirt with the thunder, laughter ringing bright in her eyes at the game. Inuki bounces around her, leaping and wiggling, clearly delighted to be dancing with his mistress.
I could watch them forever.
She looks so perfect like that. She's wild and joyous, they way she ought to be, the way I never I am. I want her to keep dancing forever. If only she could dance forever in that little court then nothing could ever hurt her.
Nothing should ever be able to harm her. She should always be like this, innocent and whole and happy. If someone as pure and loving as Yuzariha can be crumbled up and tossed aside, then what's the point of saving the world? What is it about a place that kills the best people it has that's worth saving?
This world seems to destroy what's good about people, to tear it out and stamp on it. I don't want that to happen to her. She shouldn't change, no matter what. I need her to stay the way she is. I need her to prove to me that there are things in this world worth saving, or I don't know if I'll ever be able to find the will to fight.
She's beautiful when she dances, wouldn't you say? Just look at her... Absolutely perfect.
If I could I would reach out and lock her away into a glass globe, the top of a music box. No...The globe would be diamond, so that nothing could get inside to harm her. She really would dance forever then, never changing at all, caught in this one happy moment for all eternity. No one would ever be able to tell her 'Be something you're not' then. I could protect her if I did that.
Protect...I sag against the glass, sighing. Her wish is to protect us, to protect everyone. She shouldn't have to protect us at all, we should protect her. I haven't done a very good job of that.
I can't seem to protect anyone. Kotori, Fumma, Subaru, Yuzariha, Sorata, Daisuke, Arashi, Keichi... I always seem to fail. Someone else always seems to end up doing what I should have done. Or else no one does, and the people I should be protecting get hurt or die. What is the good of this power if I cannot use it? Why am I always paralyzed?
Out there, where Yuzariha dances, there is life and joy, but I can't seem to find the will to go and find it. So I lean against the glass and sigh and wish. I *really* hate myself sometimes.
I remember a poem I had to translate once. It reminds me of Yuzariha, in a way. It runs like this:
Bring me all of your dreams,
You dreamers,
Bring me all of your
Heart melodies
That I may wrap them
In a blue cloud-cloth
Away from the too rough fingers
Of the world.
I'd like to do that with Yuzariha, with all of them, wrap them all away somewhere where the world can't hurt them. Where people can't pull and pluck at them, telling them to change because they aren't good enough the way they are. Where no one can break them and tear them just because they want to. If I could do that then it would be okay and I wouldn't have to worry about them ever hurting the way I do.
I shudder, pressing my forehead against the glass. I won't think about it. I just won't think about it. Not thinking about it will dull the blades so that they can no longer cut at me. It'll stop hurting if I think of something else.
I push back against the window and brace myself there, pressing the skin of my palms against the blessed coolness of the glass. Outside, beyond my reach, beyond the reach of everything and everyone, Yuzariha dances. The world fades away around her, from shades of green to shades of grey, from shades of grey to shades of black, so that she is dancing against blackness, every sweep and line of her small body standing out sharp as razor scores on wood.
I grab at the image, clutching it close. I fully intend to keep this memory safe, keep it secret. I will keep to myself, protect it from anyone and anything who could tear it into little pieces. I won't let that happen. I'll let Yuzariha live forever in the back of my mind, dancing to some music only she can hear, always young, always beautiful, always innocent, always joyful.
Perhaps someday I will find the strength to join her, and then I too will dance. Maybe. Just maybe.