Disclaimer: If I was J.K. Rowling there would be no need to write this disclaimer.

A/N: This story starts out in Ginny's fifth year. It's kind of AU because I added some things and changed some of the stuff that happened at the end of OotP. It's all from Ginny's point of view. This starts out darker than the original version, but it should probably get lighter in time. And the rating went up because I decided to deal with a little more mature topics in this.

Chapter 1: Conquering Fears

June 25th, 7:30 PM, My bedroom

Dear Diary,

I am going to write on each and every one of your bloody pristine, white pages until I can safely say I'm not scared of you anymore. It was my friend, Hermione's idea.

You have pink, feathery stuff covering you, and my name inscribed in gold lettering on the front. On the very first page you have an explicit warning to all who are not Ginny Weasley, that they should close the book and put it down or else face my wrath. I know a mean bat-bogey hex. Maybe I could charm you to subject any violators to that for extra protection. Hmm, I'll figure that out later.

I suppose that I should probably write down exactly why I'm trying to get over my fear of you. Well, it's not you in particular that I'm scared of, it's more diaries in general. That's because of what happened in first year.

Now, I know it's the start of my fifth year, so I should be over that. I mean it's not like I was possessed and almost killed by someone who I trusted absolutely…

Haha. Ha. Wow Ginny it's amazing people don't laugh at your jokes more often. They are just so hysterical.

Anyway, yes, I should be pretty much over what happened in first year. I mean I finally got the nightmares to stop. But no. Stupid Department of Mysteries and an encounter with the stupid Death Muncher's pets had to go and screw that up.

Perhaps I should explain…

Well, two years ago our dear, loathed Moldie-shorts decided to make a comeback. He also then decided to start terrorizing the world. He has this mental link thing with Harry, Harry Potter I mean, and so all last year Harry would get these visions from inside of ol' Moldie's head.

Supposedly, Harry was getting lessons on how to stop these visions from Snape, but we all know how well that worked out.

Last year, during Harry's History of Magic OWL, Moldie sent him a vision of Sirius being tortured in the Department of Mysteries. Harry couldn't get into contact with any of the Order of the Phoenix members, (except Snape and he's Snape so what could you possible expect?) and so decided to go off and rescue Sirius himself.

Well, we weren't about to let him go off and face Moldie-shorts by himself, no matter how much of a pansy the self-styled Dark Lord is. So we took a short threstral ride over the the Ministry of Magic. We got these cool little badges with our names on them and "Rescue Mission" printed under that.

Nobody knows this, but I've kept mine. It's just, even though that night went to Hell in a hand basket, I just couldn't toss it in the rubbish bin like Ron did. It seemed... important, that I kept it, I guess. I'm almost positive Harry kept his too. I think he sees it as a link to Sirius.

Anyway, once we got there, we went and ran into a bunch of Death Munchers, and had to flee for safety. Unfortunately, when we split up I ended up in a room full of Dementors. Most horrid creatures in the world, I'm telling you.

They were behind this white forcefield thing, but the entire room was filled with them. I just… it tore me apart. I relived my entire first year in the span of ten minutes. I thought I was going to die.

But then Harry and Luna burst through the door. Harry fell to his knees next to me as soon as he entered the room. His reaction to the Dementors is worse than even mine. Luna didn't seem affected by them at all, and practically dragged us from the room.

We all went back to the fighting, but quickly got separated. It was pure chaos. Spells were flying everywhere, and you practically didn't know who was on your side.

Sirius saved my life then. One of the Death Eaters snuck up on me. The Killing Curse would have hit me, if he hadn't pulled me out of the way. I was just a few feet from Sirius when he fell through the Veil, too. I tried to save him…

At the point when Sirius disappeared I remember looking around for Harry. I wanted to know if he had seen his godfather fall. I found Lupin holding him back. The look on Harry's face was pure agony. My heart shattered a thousand times over that night.

Sirius's funeral is in a few days. Harry and I were chosen to make Eulogies. It's been a while since the night he died, and it's been a bit since the end of term, but none of us could bring ourselves to think about it.

Sirius' body still hasn't been found, and Harry is back at Private Drive for a bit. The Will Reading is supposed to be today. I think that it will break my heart again.

I haven't slept in a while. Not truly since that night. The nightmares came back full force. I close my eyes, and I see so many horrible things. That's why I have a candle with me at all times. Mum doesn't particularly like it, but I'm terrified of the dark right now.

Harry is coming to stay at the Burrow today. But Ron and Hermione won't be back until later in the summer. Ron was invited on holiday with the Grangers. I think they're coming back for today, for Sirius' will and everything, but I'm not sure.

Mum will kill me if I don't go down to breakfast soon.

I think Hermione may have been right about this. I feel a little bit better this morning.

I read about this really interesting feature for you in the little booklet that Hermione sent with you that I think I might use. It requires a bit of my blood, but I think that it will be worth it. I'll think about it.

Talk to you later, I suppose.

June 25th, 9:30 AM, My bathroom

Dear Diary,

I'm most definitely going to use the extra feature that Hermione told me about. I thought about it, and it'd be cool to have my thoughts and different experiences written down even when I can't.

I know it requires me to draw blood, but that's not a new thing for me.

Mum doesn't know but in second year I snuck into Hogsmeade a couple times. I would disguise my hair and face, and beg for money when I could. I saved the money up over a couple months, and then went one day, and bought myself a beautiful steel dagger. It has a red hilt with gold filigree in it, and has two small pearls on the blade itself. It's made of the sharpest steel, and has a charm on it to make sure it never goes dull.

I don't know what made me buy that really. I was looking for a weapon to protect myself with, but that just called out to me. I bought it, with money to spare, and because of my disguise no one asked questions.

I began to sleep with the dagger under my pillow to keep me safe. I would have horrible nightmares, and felt so guilty when I woke up.

I knew it was wrong. I knew I would be addicted as soon as the blade touched my skin, and no one would be able to help me. My mother had warned me. It was the Prewett curse. She had made me promise. But it wasn't the first promise I had broken, and would most certainly not be the last.

I'm not a stranger to pain, you realize, and the marks on my arms are enough to prove it.

So, here it goes.

Ginny sat solemnly on her bathroom floor, the small line on her arm bleeding slowly. She sat in wonderment as the diary on the floor beside her began to write of its own accord.

Well, I guess that worked…

That should record what happens when I can't, and at the will reading. This should work out really well. Thank you Hermione.

Anyway, I have to get dressed to go to Gringotts. Mum and I are supposed to be meeting everyone there in an hour. And I have to clean up the mess I've made and stash the dagger.

Remind me to read up more on the Prewett family curse later. I haven't thought about it in years.

Talk to you later.

A/N: So what do you think? I want your honest opinion, truly, because that will make it easier for me to continue the story. Sorry about deleting the old one but it's train was derailed beyond repair. I'll hopefully be using a lot of stuff from the old one, so tell me what you liked most about that.

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring,

Bee :)