Codie and the Egg Reunite
It was the end of December when Codie, a sophomore at Vanderboob Highschool came to a realization: he missed his egg lover's magic noodle. Over a year had passed since that fateful day, a day filled with romance, fear, and mystery that none other could compare to. He remembered vividly the tap taps of the red designer heels the egg wore when it chased him, and sometimes, he mistook the taps taps of other people's shoes as the egg's. Codie had not seen his mysterious lover since that day, and had been searching for it ever since.
At the beginning of his second year, he waited for weeks for the egg but it never showed up. It disappeared without a trace; no one even seemed to talk about the giant egg that attended a school. He really craved its love stick, and he promised himself that he would not rest until he got some sugar. Weeks turned into months, which eventually led the the conclusion of the first semester. No egg. The chill winds blowing through the lands froze Codie's lonely heart.
"Maybe this was never meant to be." Codie sighed to himself. It was now Christmas time, and as he overlooked the large array of presents underneath the tree, Codie thought of the only thing he really wanted as a gift: the egg's shlong. He wanted to be held just like the egg did on that day, wrapped around its stinky pickle. Maybe that was the true meaning of Christmas.
He slept that night, as well as the following nights, in a sort of melancholy. The part of him that knew the egg would never return was proving more true than ever. Is there anything more painful than a broken heart? Codie wouldn't think so. What kept him motivated to search for the egg is the love the two will share once reunited. He decided after the New Year to take more extensive measures to find the egg.
His first thought was to hack into the school's database, but since the egg had been absent for the entire year so far, Codie thought that the egg must have dropped out or transferred. He decided to post a craigslist ad. At first, he put " LOOKING FOR EGG", but because he didn't want people to think he was looking for a carton of eggs, he changed it to "LOOKING FOR SEXY EGG". Codie doubted that the egg itself would send a reply, and instead hoped that someone in the area may had seen it. To his surprise, he was right.
It was 3:24 AM when he received an e-mail from a woman claiming "a sexy egg works as a librarian at the Buttland Library." Immediately Codie felt the weight of all of his egg troubles disappear. Very soon, he would be able to see his egg and once again feel loved.
Buttland library was just a short walk from where Codie lived. On the way, he noticed that the sky was brighter, the air was sweet, and the gentle rays of light that shone through the foliage of a great oak tree in front of the entrance of the library. "This is my time to shine." Codie said to himself. Before entering, he adjusted his clothes, making sure his plaid shirt, plaid pants, and plaid shoes were neat.
The library opened up to large towering bookshelves, filled with books of various sizes, widths and colors. Accompanying these bookshelves were either children, adults, or librarians filing books back into their rightful place. Immediately, Codie recognized the shining gleam of a familiar eggshell. It's the egg! Codie ran to the fiction section where the egg was gently putting away a large green book. The egg looked up at Codie. He almost mistook the egg for another egg because it wore large round glasses, but his lover's intuition verified that it really was the egg because it was still wearing those red designer high heels.
The egg and Codie maintained eye contact for a minute. Neither could believe that they would ever reunite. Then, breaking the romantic moment, the egg's 100% all-beef thermometer shot up 10 feet into the air. Everyone in the library turned their heads in absolute shock and confusion. The egg began to shake violently and grabbed Codie with its ding-dong. It broke the nearest window with Codie in its grip and started to climb to the roof of the library. The egg's glasses were dropped on the floor and shattered.
On the roof, Cody immediately knew what the egg what going to do next. It made Codie sad that the egg had not changed at all from their first encounter. He hoped that the egg would go out on a date with him, and someday have egg humanoid babies. But this wasn't the case. The faceless shell of the egg expressed complete and utter bloodlust. It was ready to kill its lover. The egg petted Codie on the cheek with its dong and shed a tear. Codie put his hand on the egg's cheek and accepted death.
Codie kissed the egg's bologna pony and mouthed the words, "I always loved you." right before the egg decapitated Codie. Not long after, a butt showed up and took the hand of the egg. The two kissed and stared at Codie's lifeless body in disgust. "Let's go." The butt said. The egg nodded in agreement, grabbed the butt, and flew off into the sunset.