Rushed Thoughts
Author notes: Edited Ending. Title Ideas? Reviews? Something? I dunno if it's better this way or the other way... Please tell me?
My life, described in one word would be, rushed.
Ink-splattered on a paper that didn't have time to dry, so the result it ran down the page as it dried slowly. Even though it dried it wasn't the result that was planned.
My future was planned from the start. At eight, I went to a private school, for the arts. Everyone's parents were rich or special to society one way or the other, my mom was an actress-a beautiful one that everyone looked up too. My future was there, in hers. I would star in a movie with her before she would die, then I would take all of her fans, and finally become a role model like her. At the private school I met my first friend, a little girl named Misty Cascade. She was a singer, daughter of an actress. She understood what I was going through, both our futures had been planned. By the sixth grade, Misty and I formed a group in school. It was exclusive and only one new addition snuck her way in. She was a friendly, down-to-earth girl, Blue Davis. Blue had mesmerizing brown eyes that were more honey-colored, she also had pretty brown hair that framed her face nicely, showing off her beauty. She, if you couldn't have guessed, was to be a model.
Boys didn't start to get interesting until eighth grade, when we met Ash Ketchum and Barry Oakley. They were inseparable best friends that fought over everything, Ash with his unkempt black hair, struck Misty's heartstrings-played them like Gary Oak plays the violin. Barry, with his shinning blonde hair was the background picture in Ash's life after Ash fell victim to love. Barry seldom times showed interest in me, which I tried to ignore, because, in truth, I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't need a boyfriend. The next person to join our group was Gary Oak, himself, he had caught Blue's attention and after Blue begged Gary Oak was into our group. He had naturally spiky brown hair, that he must've put product in it to make it stand up even straighter. He also had striking blue eyes.
In the seventh grade, a new girl moved into town. Her name, May Maple. Her dad was rich, famous, and handsome-she had no future, she was here to find a husband to carry her through the rest of her life. But one day she whispered to us girls, "I'm going to paint and write for the rest of my life, I don't need a stupid boy, but if one captures my heart, I won't resist." She winked. She inspired us, made us want to break free from our destined futures, but we knew we couldn't. Once seventh grade ended, May called me after school. "My parents are threatening to move away." She was crying. "They said I have to find someone by the time eighth grade ends." I talked to her on the phone, soothing her.
"We'll find someone for you." I reassured her before hanging up on her. I tried to keep my promise, all through eighth grade I introduced her to every guy I knew. Three quarters of the year passed and she still hadn't found anyone. I decided to buy her new clothes at the mall. After going through three stores with no luck, as we were leaving, May bumped a stranger's arm and fell, scattering her bags. He helped her up, before flipping his leaf green hair. They gave each other a small, shy smile before introducing their selves.
"Well thanks." May played with her coat. "I'm May Maple." She stuck out her hand. He smiled at her and then grabbed her hand.
"Drew Hayden, I'm kind of new here and I'm not making the best of impressions with some of the people." He said. She giggled at him pulling her hand back.
"What school do you go to?" I asked.
"The fine arts, the private one." He said. May turned to us and we smiled knowingly. "Let me guess you guys do too." It was a statement not a question yet we all found ourselves nodding. "Well I think I know you, well, your mother." He flipped his hair, looking at me.
"I'm Dawn Hill." I said. He nodded. Misty smiled at me.
"I'm Misty Cascade." She did a fake curtsey.
"I've heard about your sisters." He smiled. It seemed he was just meant for our group. The day before our promotion ceremony to a real high school May looked at me. Tears were running down her face. We couldn't do it. She couldn't tell Drew her feelings, and Drew wouldn't admit it and I couldn't get him to. I figured to try one more time. Since we technically had one day left, I figured that he'd break.
I caught him after school, "Drew!" I yelled. The green haired boy turned then flipped his hair. "I know you like May." He opened his mouth to protest, "Don't. Tomorrow is her last day with us if she doesn't fall in love."
"That sounds like her problem." He said.
"Well, she has fallen in love, now the other half of the bargain needs to admit he loves her too." I said. He smiled.
"Well, the other half of the deal doesn't really want to admit it." He told me. I was furious.
"Do you want her to leave!?" I growled. His eyes widened in shock. "She will be gone forever, you may never see her again. You are the only one that can stop this from happening! You have to tell her how you really feel!" I yelled at him, tears forming.
"Okay. Don't have a freak-out." Drew said calmly, flipping his hair. I growled at him. "I'll try. I have time."
"You have one day." I told him.
"That's plenty of time." He smiled. Our group broke apart the last day, none of us really talked. After the ceremony, I had no clue what was happening with any of my friends. I walked home, careful to everything around me. The summer would be too long, and I wouldn't be allowed out and my mom would probably try to get me cast as a small part on a TV show. I sighed just thinking about it. I finally made it home that day to be told that May had called. I tried to call her back but no one answered. I didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing, so I went to sleep. During the course of the summer, I did get a small role on a TV show. I even had a love interest, Paul aka Mr. Asshole himself. He was the biggest jerk you could have ever met, he had shaggy, purple hair that went into his eyes too often. His eyes were obsidian. At every rehearsal I ended up in a fight with him. Apparently, no one got along with him. All summer I hung out with the cast and him. He grew to be a person that I could tell some things too, but he was far from a friend.
"So, this is the episode you die… What do you plan to do next?" He asked.
"Go to high school. Finish my education." I told him. He nodded. "Did you finish yours?"
"No. Never even had the chance to go to middle school. My parents want me to go to a good high school, for talented people." He said. I smiled.
"Why don't you tell them about the fine arts school? I'm going there, the first day is in two days, sign up dead-line is tomorrow morning. I have hundreds of friends there." I smiled at him. "You should ask about it." That was the last time I talked to him beside our lines on screen. I went home that day and readied myself for high school. Misty and May came over the night before. "So, we're still friends?" I asked.
They nodded, May spoke, "I could never give you up!" She hugged me. "You are one of the best friends someone could ask for." Misty agreed in full. "So, what are we wearing tomorrow?" May smiled standing up. We talked about outfits before falling asleep in scattered positions around my room at nine o' clock.
The first day of high school was a lot different and a whole lot more confusing. Every class had unfamiliar people, new kids, rich kids, and a lot others. I had two classes with Drew, one with Gary and May, and three with Paul, who decided to go. The rest of my schedule was jammed full of classes from acting to zoology. At lunch our group sat together. I introduced Paul and Paul introduced his girlfriend, Zoey, who was also new. All of us hit it off, except Paul's natural icy cold attitude. May confessed to not liking him very much. About the third day, someone pointed out a brown haired boy sitting by himself. The fourth day, I decided that I would go up to him, that I did.
I set my tray down and sat in the chair next to him. He forced a small, sad smile. "Why are you sitting over here all by your lonesome?" I asked. He looked up from his tray.
"I-I don't really 'click' with anyone else." He whispered. I frowned.
"You are going to make an attempt to click with me then!" I exclaimed grabbing his hand. "We'll be the best of friends!" I winked at him. He blushed at my touch but agreed to try to 'click' with me. His name was Kenny Kingsley. We hung out after school daily, everyday was a new thing. We had ice cream, went to the library, we did whatever we felt like. I stayed close to my other friends, but I usually spent time after school with him, at lunch he sat at my table. He taught me how to ski and I taught him how to dive. I told him everything and one day, he got that way too.
"So, why couldn't you ever 'click' with anyone?" I asked kicking my feet in the water. I swirled the water with my feet, his barely touched the water. I looked up into his brown eyes in the silence that followed the question.
"B-Because, well, Dee-Dee, my parents-they are never really home and Dawn…" This was excruciating for him. "Dawn, my parents, they, well, my dad well, he beats me." He confessed my mouth turned to a perfect 'o' shape. I gasped at the odd turn of events. I put on hand on his shoulder. "He told me I wasn't good enough for this school and I would never have any friends, and I guessed I believed that was the way it was going to be." He sighed, a sob breaking free. He pushed tears back for a very long minute. None spilled over, he wanted to keep strong and I didn't blame him. "Dawn? Thank you for being here for me, always." He said smiling now. I smiled back at him.
"I'll always be here for you." I told him. He nodded looking across the lake. The sun was setting casting beautiful oranges, yellows, and reds to reflect of the lake's surface. After that day, we were closer than I was to May or Misty. My Junior year I felt something change. The way I looked at Kenny was of pure beauty, if you asked Misty or May. They said they couldn't look upon Drew or Ash like I looked at Kenny. May commented.
"It's like you see his soul when you look at him. It's like you can read his mind and his heart and you accept everything there." She had said. Misty added.
"It's almost like a puppy looking obediently at it's master. Such a powerful, loving gaze." I blushed bright red. Misty then voiced our inner most thoughts. "Dawn is in-love!" We all laughed over the idea, reminiscing on old memories.
The second day of Senior year, something surprising happened. Both with straight A's, May and Drew both dropped out, only to get married. Of course, Misty and I were invited to the wedding, along with our families-Kenny, Ash, Gary, and Blue. Paul and Zoey made a short appearance before having to leave. I even slow danced with Kenny, which was the most romantic thing we had done. The rest of us all graduated, and with our futures planned ahead it was easy. During the summer after graduation, I tried to spend as much time with my friends that hadn't moved away as possible. Zoey and Paul went to a movie shoot, Blue and Gary both became models. So, I hung out with Ash, Misty, and Kenny. Drew and May were traveling around for a couple months. By the time fall came around I had to leave for France.
At the dock, everyone expected me to do the obvious, scream and cry about how nobody could separate me from Kenny. The only thing I could do without screaming and crying was mouthing 'I love you' to him, he returned the favor and I blew a kiss. Once we left, I cried, for hours. After I was done crying, I cried more. My mom and dad couldn't do anything, I got phone calls daily, each from another one of my friends telling me not to forget them and they would keep me in their hearts. Kenny only called every year on each holiday and my birthday. After I turned 23, the phone calls stopped, all of them. Some nights I cried myself to sleep, weak and defenseless. Some nights I numbed the pain and just tried to keep living. After I shot the movie, me playing a starring role, I got to go home. Misty and May ran up to me, I had missed Misty's wedding. "I postponed it for a year and when you still didn't show up, we just had it, his parents were being impatient." She sighed. "So, how're you?"
"Horrible, I've been a wreck." I admitted. May rubbed my back.
"I know what will make you happier!" She exclaimed. "Blue and Gary are back in town!" She exclaimed. I perked up immensely.
"Dawn!" Blue yelled coming out of hiding. She threw her arms around me hugging me. Gary smiled at me. "It's so great to see you again." After the reunion, I went to my old house. I went to bed and awoke at midnight. I couldn't sleep so I went and stood outside on the dew covered lawn. I looked up at the moon. Someone walked up to me, and out of memory I reached out and grabbed his hand.
"Kenny." I sighed. I turned burying my face in his chest and crying. Kenny held me against him as I cried.
"I missed you, I love you." I cried. He stroked my hair and murmured something that made me fly.
"I love you too, I never stopped thinking about you." He sighed dreamily. I looked up at him.
"You're still so handsome." I gasped. I reached up and brushed his hair back, and we shared our first kiss. For countless, beautiful minutes we stood there just enjoying the other's company. After that day, our relationship only climbed higher. We were inseparable and so in love. It was something that nobody understood because we were best friends and lovers. My mother smiled upon us but his mother frowned upon us.
When I was 35, Kenny proposed. I gladly accepted. Our wedding was scheduled for Valentine's Day. The day before Valentine's Day, I was cast in a movie with my mother. She refused to let me cancel the movie. This was how my future was planned. I cried on the plane ride. I never got to say goodbye to Kenny and I never officially exchanged vows. After the movie, as if by destiny the plane crashed, my mother was dead on arrival. I cried, from pain, both emotional and physical. Kenny, May, and Drew visited me at the hospital. Misty and Ash were in Africa. I was tragically injured. May comforted me and helped nurse me back to my old condition. At the age of 37, I planned to get married. Our wedding was backwards, the groom was second to come in, but only because his mom forced him to get his suit tailored by some other company. I stood in my wedding dress prepared to finally have my dreams come true. The doors opened as I stood by the altar and I heard Drew's voice, "Someone help! Kenny was hit." I ran out of the building towards the scene outside, Kenny's mom was on the phone with the hospital. I fell upon his chest crying uncontrollably. The tears ran down my cheeks angrily. I swiped at them. He was unconscious and he couldn't hear me or see me. I stood up and ran into May's arms searching for some sort of comfort. Someone to tell me he'd be fine, she couldn't even whisper reassures with a sure voice. I didn't even believe the words.
At the hospital, he was operated on. Brain Trauma. It kept repeating in my head. Brain Trauma. Once the doctor came out and in a monotone voice announced that Kenny was dead.
When my mom planned on me becoming a good role model, I don't think drug use was considered under the good part. Heroin, crack, ecstasy. Did it even matter anymore? Nothing filled the void, nothing made me whole. Ash tried to reach me, He's in your heart, you will always find him there. May even went as far as popping pills with me. Drew caught her. He tried to reason with me, is it really worth taking all your other friends out? Nobody else tried to comfort me, eventually they all went away. Paul came around once, I remember it, please, please, Dawn. You were always so strong. I shook all their voices out of my head.
Once I was 45, I was done with life. I overdosed on drugs. I was taken to the hospital.
~R`u.s`h...ed~Tho--ugh:ts`~
"Dawn Hill died on that day. She wants me to say that no one missed her, and no one will remember her. I will always remember her. Misty will, Drew and all the rest. Dawn Hill died, with stupidity, but her life before that will always be remembered. She's the one that helped me find my true love, she's the one that guided me throughout most of my life. She was a great student, actress, and a wonderful friend that was always there, but stupidity was her downfall, she died, and her friends tried to stop her. I tried to stop her, but nothing ever got all the way through to her. And now nothing ever will." May whispered softly, carefully stroking the wooden casket Dawn laid in. Tears spilled over with no control, Drew had a hold of her hand. Everyone else sat in the other seats scattered across the room. I couldn't communicate with them and it devastatedme. May twirled her fingers in her hair, sighing. I felt my own ghostly tears stream down my face and fall gracefully, almost beautifully down to the floor. At the same time, May's pain turned into my pain and vice versa. Sobs racked through our bodies, she curled in a ball, I buried my face in my hands. She couldn't stop crying, Drew was there, trying to reach her and comfort her but he wasn't even close enough to reach her. My mind repeated one thing for Drew, try harder if you really want to reach her. Finally May stopped, her trance was broken and she searched through Drew's deep green eyes. I held my limbs close to each other. I wanted to comfort May, I wasn't really gone! I was right here! But I was dead, I had died of stupidity, because no matter when I died I could've found Kenny here if I really wanted to. Maybe it was my deal with religion and I never believed I would get to something called the 'afterlife.' I just kind of floated there, watching all my friends with wary eyes, and decided that I should go find Kenny.