When we spoke, in hushed and serious tones, you knew it was about the little bundles of joy wrapped up in fat and a smile.
Sometimes he changed, paint still chipped and worn on his finger tips as he whispered of a life that we would have, the little artist that would be the both of ours, someone to tell secrets and someone to love.
Pink little hands, dime sized toes smaller then me and smaller then him that could be crushed just like a broken heart.
We were going to have everything and everything had begun with one little giggle and one smile from her pink chubby little face, she who was the both of us put together.
It was the beginning of a life full of sunshine, rays and rays of it, no more supermen or Smallville and no more pain, just mountains of sunshine in the form of a child.
Nell and her smiles are all we need as we paint and paint forever until our hands fall off.
He's ok, he's more then ok, more then himself and I'm more then I could ever wish for.
Sunshine strong as it falls over us in a shining bubble soaking up our smiles that come easier then pie, but what happens when someone comes and pops it and we come trembling out?
Everything happens, no more smiles, blood comes and all that's left is tears and mountains of darkness to drive away all the sunshine.
The darkness came in the form of a man, just one to take away our world leave only ruins, just one man with gallons of blood on his hands and greedy for more.
They say 'mourn and get over it' they push and they prod until all that's left is broken pieces of a life once full of so much goddamn sunshine.
He thinks he broke it all and left nothing for me to hold on to, not even a shard but he's wrong this man that haunts my dreams laughing as he steals away my lover.
No, I have her, the one that produced all our sunshine and the one that's still here smiling toothless at me a broken and tear-filled woman.
'mama' one world, so silent that it could have been missed and lost forever, it was as if she saw my heart breaking and wanted to heal it with just one word and one little smile, and it sort of worked.
I left myself, my live, crawled into a warm ball away from the rest of the world but I always came out for her, I was broken but I was anything but a bad parent, she was my sunshine after all, slowly bringing my world into the light day after day.
She was barley able to walk when he left with a smile full of paint and bravery.
Finally I was whole again only a few pieces forever lost with him when she was five speaking and smiling bigger and brighter then the sun.
Every day was normal full of lunch and books, not full of blood and flying men, just us and the faint smiling man looking over us with paint covered hands.
"Mommy, tell me about daddy again please."
It was the same story told over and over again on a warm lap, finding new things every time it was told but always it was told at the same time and always with a smile.
"Of course, it all started when you came along, our sunshine…"