Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Okay so this is a new story I wanted to start, and it is another humor-fluff story before you ask. It will be written in a third-person POV so you can see everything a once. Most likely, there won't be a plot. It will just be a bunch of assembled one-shots of Emmet doing crazy things. Jasper may be in on this at certain points too. Just to let you know, this is after Breaking Dawn. Enjoy!

-leslie

Emmet stood out in the open next to the house. His hands sat on his hips as if he were a female as he surveyed the land.

"Perfect." He almost-whispered with a mischievous smile.

**

The entire family was assembled in the living room to hear Emmet's plans. Bella was talking animatedly to Renesmee, and Carlisle and Esme were cuddled up on the sofa. Jasper was trying to calm Alice down as she bounced in her seat, already having had a vision of the whole thing. Edward was almost as eager as Alice after reading her mind, but it was a little bit more difficult for him to look like a wound-up child with his six-foot frame.

Rosalie sat in a chair reading a fashion magazine, the only one not anticipating Emmet's announcement. She was used to his crazy antics, and didn't feel the need to get all buzzed about one of his crazy ploys. She could laugh later; right now she needed to find that Tiffany's necklace she was getting Alice for Christmas while she was occupied with whatever Emmet was going to do.

Busting through the door, Emmet ran right up to Carlisle. Unbeknownst to everyone else, he'd just used half a bottle of eye drops to make his eyes look more watery, and he was trying very hard to get to Carlisle before they could dry up again. He took a deep, unneeded breath and started talking in his sweetest voice. He even hunched a little to make himself look smaller and more child-like, a nearly impossible feat for the grizzly of a man. "Daddy can we pleeeeeeease get a bowling alley?"

Esme giggled, thinking about how Emmet trying to persuade her husband with the 'Daddy's little princess' bit was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. Rosalie nearly laughed out loud when she noticed Emmet curl his lip into a pout. Edward and Alice shouted a lively 'Yeah!' simultaneously, and Renesmee was sneaking up to Carlisle, already in on the plan. Bella and Jasper smiled at each other, finding it just as humorous as everyone else, but acting more reserved.

Poor Carlisle seemed a little dazed, not ready to give in yet, but unsure of how to say no. Then all of the sudden, five foot three Renesmee had crawled into his lap and put her arms around his neck. She was really good at the part Emmet had tried to play. She batted her long eyelashes. "Please Grandpa? I promise we'll only make it two lanes. And we could even let Grandma design it so it's not tacky 'n' stuff. Pretty pretty please with some bloody cherries on top?"

At this show, Carlisle couldn't help but grin. "Of course we can get a bowling alley Nessie!" She gave him a big kiss on his cheek and hopped out of his lap.

Then Emmet broke into a grin and started dancing around like a spastic lobster. "Yeah yeah yeah, we get a bowling alley, oh yeah!" he chanted religiously. This was his standard celebration for any victory. Renesmee even joined in, dancing but not chanting.

They turned to each other and did their special high five handshake they'd made up years ago and then continued dancing. Edward pondered how it was even possible to not agree to every wish of the devils when they worked together.

Alice shrieked. "I can buy us team uniforms and shoes!" Then she ran off to get her Mac book, ready to shop already. She called down the stairs, "Who's on what team?"

Emmet held out a list. "Alright so here's how it will go: me, Nessie, Eddie, Rosie, and Jaz on one team, and Alice, Bella, Carlisle, Jake, and Esme on the other."

Alice returned. "Nu-uh. Me and Jazzy are on the same team. Bella and Edward will probably want the same team too. And Nessie and Jake. And you can't have all the good players!"

Bella chuckled. "Have any of you ever even bowled before? Jake and I would probably be the best players because we have experience."

Emmet's face froze on the list in contemplation for a moment. Then he modified it with a pen. "Why you're absolutely right Alice! This isn't fair at all! The new teams are me, Jake, Bella, Jaz, and Edward, and then Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Nessie, and Rosie."

Everyone laughed. Carlisle finally spoke up. "Hey I'm paying for it, so I get to choose. Besides, who says that Jake will even want to play?"

"I do!" Jake chimed, coming through the door without knocking. It was pretty much his home too Nessie squealed and then ran over and stretched onto her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips. He took her hand and the two of them sat on the living room floor. "So what are we talking about?" He asked.

"We're getting a bowling alley and are trying to decide on teams!" Nessie explained.

"Awesome! I bowl a 150 on average!" He boasted.

Bella stuck up her nose and smugly said, "That's nothing. I bowl a 160. It's the only thing I've ever been able to do with my coordination. Plus, I bet I'm even better now with my transformation and new senses." She teased.

Jacob stuck his tongue out at her and she stuck hers out back at him.

Once again Carlisle spoke. "Okay. Then how 'bout we have Bella versus everyone else?"

Half the room chuckled. Esme stood up and addressed them dramatically. "I see that mother really does know best. I'll have to decide if this is going to be fair," She said, throwing a glance to Emmet. Carlisle smiled proudly. "The teams will be Edward, Bella, Alice, and Jasper against Emmet, Rosalie, Jacob, and Renesmee. Carlisle and I can choose our teams or referee or something. That okay dear?"

Carlisle nodded. "I won't be able to play most of the time anyway with my hospital work, and Esme likes to make sure you don't cheat. Perfect."

"So, where do we buy supplies to build and maintain a bowling alley?" Jasper wondered out loud.

"I got it covered dude." Emmet announced.

A/N: I'm splitting this chapter into two because it was pretty long. Post the next one soon-ish.

-leslie