A Dead Woman's Lament
Author: Opalsmith
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Poem Setting: Season Four - The Ties that Bind
Beta: My very wonderful husband
Author's Notes: This blank verse poem is written entirely from the point of view of Callandra Henderson Tyrol also known as Cally, as she faces her impending death.
A Dead Woman's Lament
I wake to the bitter sting that is the taste of my own blood.
Defeated; my body lies broken on an altar of cold metal,
As my executioner watches me; a dark vision hiding behind a shield!
Although I am condemned to die, I defy my fate to rise and face her.
The one, who tricked me with soft words to steal away my child.
My innocent son, who is far too young to fight my last battle for me;
So I am enclosed in the box which will serve as my funeral casket,
And my crime; to have loved an illusion made to look like a man.
Dancing stars and crescent moons swirl past in ever decreasing circles,
Jarring with the dark numbness of my pill jangled desperate mind.
There was a time when all I wanted was for you to notice me,
As I stood in your shadow and yearned for a chance to be by your side.
I attained my goal but all I was given was a used and bitter heart,
That I had no hope of ever healing even after I took a life for you;
Yes, Galen, when I destroyed the demon with a quick searing shot,
I only acted out of a desire to protect you from harm…my love.
It was my mistake to ever think I could free you from her spell.
You said my eyes did not see clearly and played tricks on me,
But I did not need my sight to know that you have betrayed me.
There was that one and only time when you really touched me,
As you blindly lashed out; fighting against a dangerous dream,
Your fists working on my skin. Did you even know it was me?
The fear that had raged in you broke bone and left me mute.
Why then, could I not see that your dread was far more real and true,
Then your half hearted attempt to court me could ever be.
I know now what you are; one of four vipers hiding deep within our nest,
And that is what finally gives me the strength to strike out at you!
I thought I saw a hint of love when it was really terrible remorse
That you felt as you looked right through me; to see a poor rag doll.
Naïvely I thought if you gave us a chance, feelings would grow;
Like the child in my blooming belly as we tried to make a future.
Until fate intervened when the hard foes returned to rule over us.
I feel like I am already dead and it is my ghost that takes that last walk,
As I pay no notice to the weight of the child cradled to my stilled heart.
The one I thought was lost to you was walking among the living again.
From then on what frakking chance did I have; a sorry second choice!
I was your penance and you always suffered in such deafening silence,
As we played out our own little war, inflicting pain on each other!
As I stare out at the intense blackness that is pricked by quiet light,
I am calm even as my bundle of life struggles, screaming in my arms.
I once had hope, when I birthed a son in a time of conflict,
As I thought that would be my best gift to heal your pain and anger.
Yet, as you touched my eager skin all I felt were the cold fingers of death.
One of the demons has happened on me and she is ruining my plan,
I want to yell that my son is not frakking yours but instead I save him!
I did want to kill the son you claimed, Galen, to save him from half a life,
But I failed when I did not have the strength to twist the knife one last turn.
For an instant I am without weight as my body is dragged from the womb,
Then I touch the unforgiving and painful eternal cold that is nothingness.
Frak it, hear me; I will never forgive you for not loving me
In the instant the icy vacuum swallows my last gasp of life,
And as my eyes start to cloud over, finally I can see the truth.
I float away through space, my face a frozen mask of death,
And my sorry life is laid out for the amusement of the Gods!
All because you could never be what you desired to be,
For like your one true love, you were machine made
Not created of the flesh; as soft as mine once was........