Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me. Copyright infringement is not intended.
Summary: Bella has something to say, and Jasper needs to listen. New Moon spoilers.
Hurting Forgiveness
***
"Forgiveness hurts more than disappointment, doesn't it?"
Jasper jumped, scrambling to his feet. He hadn't heard her – lost in thought. He shouldn't be anywhere near Bella. It was dangerous, and Edward didn't like it. But she grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down to sit beside her on the porch.
"I need to talk to you Jasper."
"Edward –"
"Edward will have to cope."
That shocked him enough to be still.
"For what it's worth, I forgave you the second I walked out of this house. Empathy… empaths follow their instincts, Jasper, so I can't imagine how hard this must be. You had to be dealing with everyone's thirst on top of your own. And everyone tried to kill me that day, Jasper; you just got the closest. I can see that it kills you.
Nothing I say will make you feel better at this point, but I hope that it will someday. You weren't the only one struggling that day, you know, and you aren't a monster. Struggling against temptation, to retain your humanity… that's more human than anything. That's more human than most humans, Jasper. Living is hard. Death… that's easy. Out of all the Cullens, you are the one I admire most, because like a human, you struggle. You are the humanity of this family, Jasper, because more than anyone you know. Edward can read thoughts, yes, but people lie to themselves; he doesn't really understand at all. Emotions, though… it's not just a struggle to keep from blood for you Jasper; you fight to live. I have never seen someone try as hard as you do. I don't think anyone could try as hard as you do. Edward is the man I love. You are the man I admire.
There's a lot of things that I could say to you right now Jasper, but none that you'd want to believe. One day we're going to sit down and have a frank discussion on this, together as adults, but not today. I just wanted you to know…. Forgiveness always makes people feel bad, because they don't think they deserve it, but if anyone in this world deserves it, Jasper, it's you. But you won't believe me on that, either."
She paused, trying to articulate her thoughts.
"When you finally forgive yourself, the forgiveness of others doesn't hurt so much."
She swiftly hugged him and backed off, leaving Jasper shocked. Before he could even open his mouth to say anything, though, Bella was gone… and Jasper thought.