Desolation Ed
By Jspyster1
Author's Note: This is basically an Ed, Edd n Eddy story partially set in the Fallout universe. I hesitate to use the term crossover, as this story is only loosely based off of the main quest of Fallout 1 and doesn't feature any of its major characters, however, minor characters, terminology, factions, and technology, do play a part in the story. Think of it as a sort of alternate universe. Rated T primarily for violence and the occasional graphic description.
Prologue:
You know the drill.
The world's energy resources have nearly been extinguished after generations of use. For decades, the nations of the world have fought against each other in a futile attempt to control the last remaining reserves of earth's resources. Meanwhile, the United State's old adversary, Russia, took advantage of the world's state of turmoil and clawed their way back to the top; invading and conquering every former Soviet state lost since the Cold War and reclaiming their status as the world's largest superpower. Testing to see how far they could exert their dominance, Russia invaded Alaska in an attempt to capture the United States' remaining oil reserves. The U.S. retaliated and kicked the mighty Red Army back to the motherland. From that point on tensions between the two nations have escalated to a point not seen since the Cuban Missile Crisis; where major nuclear ICBM launch sites had the location of each country's most populated cities hot-keyed on the launch keyboard, ready to strike at a moment's notice with the mere twisting of a key and the press of a button.
Because of the approaching threat of a worldwide nuclear holocaust, the U.S. government commissioned the Vault-Tec Corporation to build a set number of massive, blast-proof subterranean bunkers, nicknamed "vaults", all across the nation for a few privileged sections of the population to take shelter in as a last resort if the bombs ever fell.
You know what they say about "Those who cannot remember the past…"
In the early hours of one brisk October morning, the United States, Russia, and every one of their allies with a nuclear program simultaneously fired each and every weapon in their nuclear arsenal; rockets, warheads, submarine guided missiles, bombers, the leaders of the world went all out and had nothing to lose, as mutually assured destruction had already sealed the fate of the earth. Survivors debate which side fired first but in the end it didn't matter. The weapons of mankind's creation had scorched every corner of the earth, eliminating billions of lives, while reducing entire continents into desolate wastelands. World War III abruptly started and ended within a matter of hours. Fortunately, a small fraction of the U.S.'s population was lucky enough to get a spot of their own inside one of Vault-Tec's coveted vaults, while the less privileged resolved to hiding in cheaper, often makeshift, bunkers. But this isn't the story of the vault project or the war, nor global politics. This is the story of a certain member of Vault 23 and his quest to save the closest place he can call home. Vault 23 is located on the outskirts of a small suburban town by the name of Peach Creek.
It was this vault where the children of the local neighborhood took shelter in when the bombs fell.
It was this vault that carried within it one of the last bastions of civilization to survive the merciless wrath of the nukes.
And it is in this vault where our story begins...
Chapter 1: An Imperfect Routine
Sirens blared over Vault 23's intercom, ceiling mounted warning lights spiraled all around the corridors of the vault. Buzzers and bells ringed as the faulty PA system cackled to life. All of this commotion jolted Eddy out of his bed and he plopped to the floor with a painful thud. Adding to the irritation was the bright ceiling lights of his vault living quarter which blinded the poor boy after his sudden rude awakening.
"What is all this bedlam," you ask? "Is it a fire drill? An atomic bomb warning system? A security alert triggered by a gang of masked marauders breaking in!?"
Sadly, the real answer was much more mundane. It was just another day in Vault 23.
"Goooooooood morning, vault dwellers!" shouted the ecstatic voice of an older person over the intercom. "That was a wakeup call brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Overseer, Me; Elron H. Tompson! It is once again time to start the workday!"
Eddy scowled and picked himself off the floor. He carelessly tossed his bed sheets over to the corner of the room and didn't bother to make his bed. Half asleep and agitated by the vault's highly annoying alarm clock system, Eddy began his daily routine of bathing, changing into his work clothes, and walking down to the cafetorium for breakfast before heading off to perform his daily operations.
After a quick shower in the communal bathroom Eddy returned to his designated vault apartment which consisted only of a rather cramped room with one bed, a closet, a desktop, and some shelves. He threw his pajamas in the vague direction of his laundry basket and then opened up his closet and pulled out his mandatory uniform. The uniform was a jumpsuit; typical standard issue vault apparel and it wasn't exactly the most attractive piece of clothing. The overall color of the suit was blue with a yellow stripe running down the chest zipper and all around the waist. Other features include padding in the kneecaps, for extra comfort while kneeling down to perform any low level maintenance, and a waist belt with an internal reinforced back support to help ease the wearer's inevitable back pain they will get after years of working low-level maintenance. The number of the designated vault was sewn into the back of the jumpsuit. In this instance, a large yellow number "23" was stitched to the back of Eddy's jumpsuit as well as that of every other inhabitant's. All members of the vault were required to wear the same style of jumpsuit regardless of occupation or social standing in order to promote conformity and unity; or at least that was the intention.
After changing into his standard issue vault jumpsuit, and after wincing in pain after catching a tiny chest hair in the zipper, Eddy opened one of the closet drawers and pulled out a strange technological device.
The device was an archaic looking yet wondrously useful wrist mounted miniature computer; a vault standard issue Personal Information Processor, better known by its marketed name of "Pip-Boy". The gadget resembled a bulky, primitive e-reader meant to be encased around the user's left wrist. It had a single monochromatic screen that displayed text, low-resolution images, and sound waves in black and green colors. Navigation through the device was accomplished via pressing a series of buttons, scrolling a wheel, or turning a dial located around the screen. Though primitive in design, the device could store gigabytes upon gigabytes of information about the user and the user's surroundings. Stored personal information included the user's personality, traits, and skills acquired through the entry of data taken from a questionnaire completed by a citizen on Day 1 of living in the vault. Other features included a scanner on the underside of the unit used to scan whatever small object the user was in possession of and add it to a rather superfluous inventory list, a slot near the top of the screen to plug in any expansion hardware, a built-in Geiger counter, an AM/FM/SW radio, a tape player, a basic journal entry application, and a rather handy sonar-based mapping device that allowed the user to ping the environment to create a crudely detailed 2D map of the surrounding area. The final feature was a health monitor. By occasionally jabbing a tiny sensor-needle into the arm, the device would collect data from the body to project a visual readout of the user's current body health levels.
The latter paragraph of course only described the Pip-Boy 3000 model. Unfortunately for Eddy, due to an unexpected shortage of the Pip-Boy 3000 model and because Eddy was pretty much the last person to enter the vault, he was unable to receive the aforementioned 3000 model. He was instead given a spare Pip-Boy 2000 the vault had lying around. Eddy's Pip-Boy 2000 was older, rustier and much more utilitarian compared to its bulky yet stylishly retro-futuristic younger brother. It was more square shaped than rectangular and was powered by two dim vacuum tubes hidden behind a metal vent to the left of the screen. It came with just basic features such as the ability to render maps, write journal entries, and an alarm clock, though the button for the alarm clock feature had been inadvertently pried off long ago.
After strapping the device to his wrist Eddy checked his standard issue Pip-Boy 2000 for the time. He could barely read the display because of the substandard quality of the device. He then put on his standard issue vault work boots, which would constrict the foot into hurting after only a few hours of walking, or even sitting down for that matter. As he exited his apartment Eddy made sure to switch the occupancy sign on his front door from "In" to "Out" and began to walk down the hallway past all the other standard issue living quarters towards the cafetorium for his standard issue vault breakfast meal.
"Stupid communist vault," he grumbled.
The PA system cackled on again, "Another day full of potential! Be sure to make the best of your new life… Underground!"
Hearing that little announcement just reinforced Eddy's feelings of this vault confining him like a tomb. He began to mentally review all the things he hated about living in the vault. On his walk down to the cafetorium, he thought of how much he hated Overseer Elron's grating voice and saccharine disposition. He hated that the kids from the nearby town of Lemon Brook were also assigned to live in this vault. He held scorn for the entire town of Lemon Brook after they humiliated him after the infamous football game. He resented Elron because of how he was chosen to be the overseer out of all the kids in the vault because he was the oldest, and the smartest, and the most level-headed. He was annoyed by how irritating and uncomfortable the vault jumpsuits were. He fumed with jealousy at the sight of the other vault dwellers happily toying around with their Pip-Boy 3000s while he was stuck with his shoddy, inferior model. Out of all these gripes, the one thing that sizzled in hatred on his brainpan the longest was the sheer thought of him spending the rest of his life underground with his fellow Peach Creek kin; surrounded by the very kids who had previously humiliated and tormented him on a daily basis. But that doesn't mean he held contempt for all of the kids in the vault…
Eddy finally approached the entrance to the cafetorium and pressed both his hands against the double doors. With a great push, the doors burst open as he strolled on in, walking in a such a way that made him feel like a dark and mysterious gunslinger walking into a particularly scummy saloon… It was the only way he could extract joy from his day.
As the name suggests, the cafetorium resembled your typical high school cafeteria while pulling double-duty as the vault's auditorium. The eastern wall of the space served as what would generously be called an auditorium, consisting only of a small elevated platform acting as a stage, a single lectern, and a wheel-cart mounted projector used mainly for presentations and seldom for the once-in-a-blue-moon "Vault Movie Night". The westernmost part of the space served as the kitchen and the actual food service area. Everything in between consisted of tables and booths for the diners. The constructors of the cafetorium made an, admittedly minimal, attempt to emulate the look of a traditional 1950s diner. Red and white checkerboard tiles lined the floors and a colorful jukebox sat in the corner, preloaded with popular hits of the era. The majority of the food and ingredients served in the cafetorium were specifically selected based on their durability, ensuring that they stayed edible for as long as possible. This came at the cost of flavor. You couldn't exactly get a five-star meal (unless you pulled a few serious strings with the Overseer) but the meals tasted mediocre enough that no one really bothered comparing it to prison food, though the nitpickers of the vault would still do so; naturally.
The morning breakfast hour meant that the room was nearly full. Kids hailing from both Peach Creek and Lemon Brook filled the tables. Eddy ignored all of the other seemingly obnoxious dwellers scattered about the many tables and focused on his two dearest friends in the world sitting in the far corner of the room, Ed and Edd. He began to walk over to their table but not before passing by the booth everyone's favorite jock was sitting at. Yes, it was that time of day again for Eddy to get picked on by dear old Kev-boy.
Preemptively raising his hands to the sides of his mouth, Kevin let out a standard "Hey Dork!" as Eddy walked by.
"Nice Pip-Boy, where'd you scrape that hand-me-down piece of junk from? The leftover emporium?" he mocked while pointing at Eddy's Pip-Boy 2000.
"Yeah, so? It still works doesn't it?" Eddy replied, failing to come up with a witty enough retort.
He was trying to be oblivious the fact that it was falling apart and very much looked like "A hand-me-down piece of junk". The screen constantly flickered, the shoddy wiring was exposed, and the entire device was attached to Eddy's wrist with a generous amount of duct tape.
"I bet that piece of scrap metal can't even calculate 2+2 without hemorrhaging itself," Kevin continued to mock.
The other boys at his table started to laugh to themselves. Kevin had set his football rivalry aside and made friends with some of the boys from Lemon Brook. They bonded over their mutual love of working-out, fixing machines, objectifying women, and various other stereotypically macho things. Though they all were still teenagers, the Lemon Brook boys were quite masculine and looked like the kind of people who wouldn't be of place in the crowd of a college frat party. One of the boys even started to sport a beard and kept an electric razor in his pocket which he would use to shave with, usually out in the open and at random intervals.
Ignoring the laughter, Eddy yelled "Screw you, like yours is any better!"
"Oh, really?" Kevin replied, slamming his arm down onto the table, preparing to show off his fancy new gadget in a way akin to an obnoxious hipster preparing to show you why your current phone sucks.
"I just got the latest Pip-Boy 3000 software upgrade! It now allows me to create a friends and enemies list. Watch!"
Using a touch screen keyboard, Kevin typed in Eddy's name and added it to his "Enemies" list. He then began to erratically swipe his finger over the screen for a bit before finally hitting "enter".
"Ha!" he spat as a despicable grin appeared on his face. He was very proud of his accomplishment.
Kevin raised his arm up to show Eddy. The screen did display Eddy's name under a tab labeled "Enemies" but rather than displaying an image of the person, Kevin used the image space to draw a crude stick figure of Eddy with the word "DORK" written underneath him and underlined a few times. You know, for clarity's sake.
"Wow, that sure is neat," Eddy replied sarcastically. "But can it clean your laundry? 'Cuz it looks like you've got a nice big brown streak on the back of your jumpsuit there, Kev-boy."
"What? Where!" he yelled.
Eddy and the rest of the kids in the cafetorium cracked up as Kevin stupidly spun in circles, like a dog chasing its tail, trying to locate the mysterious brown stain. He finally stopped searching after noticing that all the other kids were laughing at him and after realizing he had fallen for what was quite possibly one of the most easily avoidable tricks ever.
Eddy snickered, "You're too easy, Kev!"
Dejected, Kevin's replied with a simple "Real funny, Dork!"
Kevin slowly began to sit down and right as Eddy turned away he used this opportunity to sucker punch him right in the shoulder.
"GAH!" Eddy shouted, "WHY YOU LITTLE—"
Stopping short of dropping a nasty name, Eddy raised his fists and turned to face his adversary. Kevin on the other hand, stood up tall to intimidate Eddy and his small stature. Kevin widened his eyes and, like a snake taunting its victim, feigned lunging at him. Eddy fell for it and flinched back in fear.
His cowardice exposed, Kevin pointed a single finger at Eddy and spat, "Ha, Twerp!"
Eddy angrily grumbled and turned away, this time walking as fast and as dignified as he could to Ed and Edd's table. Kevin grinned and laughed under his breath as he slumped back down into his seat. Looking up from his breakfast he noticed that the other boys at his table were giving him funny looks.
"What?" Kevin asked.
One of the boys chuckled and shook his head. "Brown streak? You're such a tool!"
Kevin ate the rest of his breakfast with his head down, avoiding eye contact with everyone for the remainder of the morning.
Meanwhile, Edd had already finished his meal and was busy reviewing his to-do list on his Pip-Boy while Ed was engulfing huge chunks of food from his breakfast platter while reading a Grognak the Barbarian comic book.
"Hey guys, Eddy McGee has arrived," Eddy spoke as he pulled up a chair to the open end of the booth table. Though he attempted play off the recent incident by trying to sound cool his inflection was still rather nonchalant.
"Eddy!" Ed yelled, as small crumbs and half chewed bits of toast flew out from the side of his mouth.
Edd looked up from his Pip-Boy and smiled. "Good morning Eddy!" He spoke in his usual polite and cheery way. Even as the earth above burns to a crisp Edd always tried to see the brighter side of life. "It's another wonderful day down here in Vault 23, I must say."
Eddy scoffed, "Yeah, right. You're starting to sound like that darn Overseer guy."
"Oh come on, Eddy. Why today of all days do you start acting with a chip on your shoulder?"
Eddy shrugged, "Guess it was bound to happen sooner or later."
His eyelids lowered and the group fell silent for a few moments. Something was obviously amiss with Eddy. Even Ed noticed the tension and started to feel uncomfortable. He soon made an excuse to leave the table.
"Well guys, I'd like to stay but the smell leftover food calls to me! TALLY HO!"
Ed jettisoned himself from the booth but ended up falling flat on his face. After pulling himself up he ran about the cafetorium looking for a platter to mooch off of.
With only the two boys remaining, Edd was left to manage Eddy.
"Cheer up, Eddy. I know that our newfound living conditions are somewhat deplorable for your tastes, but try to be optimistic. I mean, we survived a full scale nuclear war for Pete's sake!" Edd said, trying to reassure his friend. "Our very way of life has drastically changed, sure, but it could be worse. At least the entire vault isn't in total anarchy! I'm actually surprised that the Overseer could maintain such a spotless record of order down here. Everyone for the most part seems to get along, and Ed certainly has adjusted well to the vault."
He pointed at Ed who continued to walk around the room attempting to devour the leftover food of his fellow vault mates. He walked up to the table Jonny and Plank were sitting at.
"Are you going to finish that?" said Ed as he pointed at Jonny's almost empty tray.
"Nah, me and Plank already filled up on enough food to last us the entire workday!" Jonny replied.
"Cool!"
Ed grabbed the platter in front of him and devoured the contents in a rather loud and messy fashion.
Rolf was working in the kitchen when he noticed Ed through the service window. He especially took offense to the leftover scraps of food that rained off Ed's tray and down to the floor, ensuring another long cleanup job in his near future.
Rolf stuck his through the service window and shouted "ED BOY!"
Ed stopped chomping on his platter and turned his attention to Rolf. Rolf was now pointing a sharpened spatula at him (how and why he decided to sharpen a spatula is beyond logic) and met his gaze with an angry, piercing glare before delivering a message.
"PLEASE RESPECT THE SANCTITY OF THE CHECKERED FLOOR AND THE MEAL OF WHICH HAS BEEN PROVIDED FOR YOU!"
Suddenly, Rolf's expression changed to that of a cheerful one.
"Thank you!" he added with a smile before popping his head back into the kitchen.
Back at the table, Edd chuckled to himself, "Lovable oaf."
"You talkin' about Ed or Rolf?" Eddy legitimately asked.
"Err, Ed."
Eddy scoffed, "The guy's got a black hole for a stomach. If he eats anymore he'll extinguish all our food resources."
After cracking wise, Eddy steered the conversation back to their previous topic.
"So anyways, uh, yeah, yeah, I guess I should be glad that we managed to survive a nuclear holocaust and everything… But… You know?" he replied, struggling to come up with the exact words to describe his frustration.
Finally, he threw his hands up in the air and spouted, "What now!? Is this all that's left in life?" His eyes darted around his surroundings, his brain not wishing to accept this new reality.
"Whatever do you mean?" inquired Edd.
With that said, Eddy dove straight into his laundry list of problems.
"It's the same, boring, thing every day. We wake up early in the morning to the loud annoying alarm system, the overseer acts all cheery and whatnot, we come down here for breakfast, then we're sent off to work for like 9 hours straight. Oh sure we get the rest of the day off but what is there to do in this vault for fun? No sports, no TV, no good movies, and I can't scam anyone because nobody carries around money because nobody ever gets paid! They can't even get any good music down here! The only tunes we got are the sounds of the PA system AND THAT JUKEBOX FULL OF CRAPPY OLD-PEOPLE MUSIC SITTING IN THE CORNER THERE!"
Eddy flung his arm back and pointed.
"Seriously, what kind of grey-haired, mothball smelling, moon-shot remembering, geriatric fart bag thought normal kids would want to listen to that junk!? I swear, if Sarah plays that darn Magic Moments song during dinner hour again I'M GONNA… Em… ERRRRR."
Eddy slammed his head onto the table in frustration and stayed there. After an awkward silence Edd nervously spoke against Eddy.
"I… actually kinda like that song."
Eddy raised only his head up and glared.
"You would."
Eddy sat up straight once more and resumed complaining.
"Back to that PA system! It's like listening to a lecture by a school teacher or a nagging parent!
Eddy then spoke with a high-pitched, nasal-sounding voice, mocking the Overseer.
"Do this, do that, clean your Pip-Boy, don't open the vault door, procreation is your civic duty… Whatever that means," Eddy shrugged. "I can't stand it anymore!"
He slammed his fists down onto the table, rumbling some utensils and almost spilling over Edd's glass of orange juice.
After regaining his composure an important thought crossed Eddy's mind. "Speaking of nagging, where are our parents?"
"The Overseer said that they were transferred to another vault somewhere. I'm not sure which one. Perhaps I can find out more during my shift in the library." Edd replied.
"Whatever," Eddy mumbled. "Gee, I wish I had your easy job. All you get to do all day is catalog stuff into the computer while staying inside the nice, cozy, air conditioned library room. Meanwhile I'm stuck down in the dark, dank maintenance level, shoving new update parts into Pip-Boys for a living! How the heck did I end up with that job? I don't even know how a Pip-Boy works! I swear someone screwed with the answers I wrote on that G.O.A.T. test."
The Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test, or G.O.A.T., was a test taken by all citizens of the vault who were old enough to begin work. The test asked a series of multiple choice questions related to useful skills and personality traits. Depending on how the taker answers the questions an instructor would determine which job in the vault would be most appropriate based on the person's abilities.
Eddy, being a slacker and generally not caring when it came to taking tests, was given the occupation of Pip-Boy Mechanic, a job which required him to work down in the maintenance department. The job was relatively simple. Eddy would run a diagnosis over each Pip-Boy he was sent. This mainly amounted checking to make sure all the buttons worked as well as clicking on every tab and feature to make sure that the device displayed them properly. He even had a checklist to go down that made the job even more bureaucratic and mind-numbingly boring. The only change in the routine came whenever one of the higher up Pip-Boy programmers wrote a new code that was distributed via memory card. All Eddy would do is plug the card onto the top of the device and make sure it downloaded successfully. When Eddy was first given the job the Overseer ensured him that keeping the Pip-Boys in tip-top shape was of the upmost importance, but in reality the job was just busywork; given to him only because it was a better alternative than him slacking around the hallways. Because of this, most members of the vault looked down upon him, as having a job in the maintenance department is lowest level in the hypothetical vault caste system.
A solution for Eddy's frustration, assuming one even existed, was far beyond reach of Edd. As such, he could only offer words as a means of empathy "Well, Eddy, I really don't know what to say. Sometimes fate can be a cruel mistress. I'm sorry."
Edd scooted out of the booth and began the process of busing his tray. Before leaving he had some final words for Eddy.
"But you know, I was never one for believing that things are set in stone, that there's some ethereal force that lays out a specific plan for which life rigidly follows. I guess, if I had to summarize my point using a quote you'd probably be familiar with I'd say, 'There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.'"
Eddy looked up from the table only to raise an eyebrow at Edd.
"Seriously?"
"What?" Edd shrugged, "I quite like that line. Anyways, all I'm saying is 'who knows'? Perhaps one day life will be different down here in Vault 23."
"Yeah," Eddy nodded. While Edd left to return his tray, a shadow of doubt soon coated Eddy's mind. "Yeah… Like that'll ever happen."
Eddy then checked the time on his Pip-Boy. He actually managed to read the clock.
"Aw geez, look at the time! I better hurry up and get some breakfast."
Eddy rushed over to the serving area in the cafetorium. Behind the counter floated a very expensive robotic butler. The robot was a Mister Handy Type II, a robot created by RobCo. Industries before the war for use in construction as well as housekeeping. The closest living thing the robot could best be described as was an octopus. The center of the robot was a large metallic sphere with a small jet engine underneath used for propulsion. Three metal sensor "eyes" popped out from around the upper hemisphere of the robot while three metallic tentacle-like arms extruded from the around the lower hemisphere and nearly reached the ground. The end of each arm had a unique tool attached to it including a claw (for tightly gripping objects or tucking the kids into bed), a buzz saw (for cutting stacks of wood or your annoying neighbor's picket fence), and a flamethrower (for committing insurance fraud and lighting up cigars… obviously). This particular robot had a nameplate grafted onto its center identifying it as "Serial No. 11031993 - 'Niles'" and was programmed with the personality of a stereotypical British butler, complete with posh accent.
"Good morning, Master Edward! What may I serve you?" Niles asked, whose synthesized voice gave off the dissonant effect of sounding like a high-class Brit talking through the intercom of a low-end fast food joint.
Eddy, anxious about the little time he had, asked only for a simple order. "Uh, just give me a pancake or two and make it quick."
"Certainly, Sir," Niles complied.
Niles rotated his lower hemisphere so that his gripping arm could reach the stovetop behind him. After awkwardly flipping a couple of pancakes onto a platter he rotated back and presented them to Eddy.
"Here you are! I understand that you are in a hurry so allow me to allocate them into modest proportions for you, Sir."
Niles rotated the lower hemisphere of his body so that his buzz saw arm faced the platter. After firing up the toothy cutting tool a shrill sound pierced the air, followed shortly by bits of plate and several chunks of what used to be a simple stack of pancakes. The meal was completely ruined, the remains now coating the countertop and Eddy's jumpsuit. Niles had performed the overkill equivalent of lighting a birthday cake with a flamethrower (which, ironically enough, was something Niles had yet to do).
"Oh my, I'm terribly sorry, Master Edward. The mechanical coordination processors on Arm 02 have been rather error prone at random intervals lately. It is most unfortunate."
While angrily swiping bits of obliterated breakfast and powderized dinning plate off his jumpsuit, Eddy grumbled, "You're telling me?"
Edd witnessed the predicament that had just unfolded beside him and physically winced at the fact that Eddy's day had just gone from bad to worse.
"Well… it's alright, Eddy," reassured Edd, awkwardly to console him. "The pancakes here were rather substandard anyway. The burnt bits were the only parts that gave it flavor!"
Eddy could only glare while a single remaining chunk of pancake detached itself from his jumpsuit and dropped to the floor.
Suddenly, an announcement from Overseer Elron broke over the PA speakers.
"Attention, citizens of Vault 23. The morning work hours have begun. All dayshift operatives, report to your work stations! Nightshift operatives, your work hours have concluded."
And with that, all the kids in the cafetorium jumped out of their seats and began to head towards their designated work stations. Ed meanwhile, returned to the food service area to bid farewell to his friends.
"Well, see ya guys! I'm off to work. Those toilets won't unclog themselves, you know. Hah, ha, ha!" he laughed before eagerly running off towards the restrooms and before either of the two Eds could say a word to him.
After Ed trailed off, Edd turned to face Eddy. "See you later Eddy. 'Socialize after work in the usual area?"
"Yeah," he replied.
"Excellent. Oh, and one more thing."
Edd pulled something out from the pocket of his jumpsuit. "I apologize for the obliteration of the most important meal of your day. Because I feel that a person should always eat breakfast, I want you to have my extra standard issue breakfast bar to help you get through the work day."
Edd handed him a Vault-Tec standard issue "Pep-Bar 3000" encased in a garishly decorated wrapper that proclaimed "3x the daily recommended calories!" on the back.
Eddy looked at the bar and rolled his eyes. "Oh great, another communist item."
"Pardon me?" asked Edd
"Uh, nothing," replied Eddy as he took the bar.
"Well then, good day."
"Later."
And with that, Edd walked out of the cafetorium and boarded an elevator, ascending to the topmost level of the vault where the library and Overseer command center were located. Eddy followed suit soon after. Once the elevator returned he entered and pushed a button with the number "4" imprinted on it.
He descended to the fourth level of the vault; the maintenance department, home to the geothermal power generators, electrical grid, workshop stations, and water purification tanks. Because of the immense heat emitted by the geothermal power generators, the occasional leak of water from pipes, and the low light levels, the entire department was much like the city of Houston, Texas; hot, humid, steamy, crawling with bugs, and overall a pretty miserable environment. Luckily for Eddy he worked in the corner of the room in a dimly-lit, metallic cubicle that would protect him from the hypothetical threat of cranked-out meth heads shanking him in the gut for drug money but not so much from the heat and dreadful humidity.
Each week, every citizen of the vault was required to turn in their Pip-Boy 3000 for routine maintenance performed by Eddy. Depending on his mood, this would take anywhere from one to several hours per device. Because of the amount of man-hours required, only a few kids per day were allowed to submit their devices. The entire process of checking every citizen's Pip-Boy would take about a week. Nine hours a day, Eddy would spend toiling away down in the department. For all nine hours he would fantasize about how awesome it would be to possess such a device and not have to take any more insults from Kevin.
Nine hours later the PA system announced the end of the workday for all dayshift operatives. Like clockwork, all the day workers retreated to their places of leisure, passing by the night workers in the hallways heading off to perform their duties. Like always, Eddy caught up with Ed and Edd in the little nook of their living quarters level where the drinking fountains and vending machines were located. There they would always talk about how their workdays went, tell stories of amusement or misfortune (the two were often combined), or just reminisce about happier times; before the war and before being constrained by the monotony of vault life. As the night curfew began, the Eds bade farewell to one another. Eddy sulked back to his living quarter, changed out of his uncomfortable jumpsuit, and went to bed. Before drifting off to sleep he pondered what Edd had said to him earlier in the cafetorium; if things really were going to be different.
Life in Vault 23 for Eddy was indeed an imperfect routine, but life in the vault was about to change...
[Updated: 7/10/18]