(Heads-up: Yeah, okay, Wolverine is owned by Marvel. I'm not sure who owns the name Crocodile Hunter. Probably Steve Irwin, but I'm not sure. The point: I don't own it. Thanks. Enjoy!)
Wolverine Vs. The Crocodile Hunter
Part one in a series.
By Logan
We open on Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. He's trekking through the Canadian wilderness. He is in search of something........
Crocodile Hunter: G'Day, Mates! I'm Steve Irwin! Today on the Crocodile Hunter; we're in search of one of the most dangerous creatures in the world. The Rabid Wolverine!
Steve is walking through the woods, he comes to a break in the plants.
Crocodile Hunter: To quote one of me favorite cartoon characters, be very, very quiet. I'm huntin' Wolverine.' Steve chuckles That of course isn't an exact quote. Elmer Fudd never hunted a Wolverine. Certainly not the kind we're hunting at this very moment.
You see, we're not hunting your average, normal, everyday Wolverine. The little furry beast with a ragin' attitude. No, we're hunting the Marvel character, Wolverine. We're gonna make an attempt at tagging him, so we know where he goes on his regular treks into the Canadian wilderness.
Steve peers through the plants. There, he sees Logan. He sees Wolverine.
Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! There he is! Okay, Mates. We need to be extra quiet here. If he becomes aware of our presence, there's no telling what he might do! I say again, he's Very, VERY dangerous!
Wolverine walks through the woods, he stops when he picks up a scent. He turns quickly to face Steve.
Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! It appears he's seen us!
Wolverine: Who's there?
Steve whimpers in fear.
Wolverine:
Wolverine walks slowly to the brush, where Steve and his camera crew are hiding. Steve gets up and attaches a tagging device to Wolverine's ear.
Wolverine: Ow! What the hell?! Get over here you little runt!
Steve screams like a schoolgirl runs away. Wolverine gives chase, impaling some camera men while he passes.
Crocodile Hunter: It appears we've gotten him a bit angry! Perhaps it wasn't wise of us to apply the tag so soon!
Wolverine: Who the hell are you talking to?! I Killed your camera crew!
Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! It appears he's trying to strike up a conversation with us!
Wolverine chases Steve through the woods, they come to a clearing. Steve swings around to face Wolverine.
Crocodile Hunter: Now look here, Mr. Wolverine. I'm Steve Irwin, the Crocodile hunter. And I've made it me duty to tag you.
Wolverine: Oh, wow. You're the Croc hunter....I love your show! I Watch it all the......Wait....You tagged me!? You sonuva....
Wolverine slashes at Steve, taking off his arm.
Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! Me arm! Steve runs off again.
Wolverine: What the.....he's running?! I just sliced off his arm!! Wolverine gives chase.
Wolverine: How the hell is he running after I.....What the hell am I saying? He gets bitten by crocodiles for a living.....
Wolverine punctures Steve's back with his claws. Steve whimpers in pain, but continues running.
Wolverine: What the hell....You're not human!!
Crocodile Hunter: Neither are you!
Wolverine: I....I'm a.....DAMN YOU! Wolverine plunges his claws into Steve's back again.
This time, Steve stops. He turns to confront Wolverine.
Crocodile Hunter: Now, look here, Mr. Marvel character. I've run enough. I'm gonna kick yer ass! I'm gonna....I'm gonna.....Crikey....I've lost quite a bit of blood.....
Steve collapses.
Crocodile Hunter: I Need........a......Medic........
Wolverine's watch alarm beeps.
Wolverine: Ooh! I Don't have time for this. I gotta get home and watch the Crocodile......hunt......SHIT!
Wolverine runs to Steve's side.
Wolverine: Steve?! Come on, Buddy, Speak to me!!
Steve slowly passes on.
Wolverine: ......Shit. There goes my Saturday night.....
Wolverine walks pass the dead bodies of Steve Irwin and his crew.
Wolverine: I Need a drink......
Wolverine makes his way to a bar...........
TO BE CONTINUED.........