Noxi: I was struck by something a long time ago when I was writing a Meta answer on Tumblr, and this is what came of it. Lori isn't a character I ever write. Let's be clear on that. So I'm taking a leap here and I'm nervous about that. I actually got emotional while writing this, and Lori has never done that to me. But I really love the idea of her friendship with Carol and this idea was born from that.
The Walking Dead belongs to Kirkman and AMC.
The Pact
The cold water splashed up around her ankles, sending a shiver up her spine. She didn't have much time out here, nor did she want to be out here longer than she had too. She knew Daryl was out there, shifting through the shadows, silent as ever, watching over them. But it still did nothing to quell the growing unease in her stomach. The shadows grew longer every day, and every time she heard that crack of a broken branch she couldn't stop her heart from doing an extra jump.
And it wasn't just because she feared for her own safety. Every day she worried for the safety of the others. Glenn and Maggie, constantly taking the extra risk the better they got with weapons. Carl trying to take on more responsibility when she wished he wouldn't. Lori's body pushed to limits that it never should have been. Rick never sleeping, always diligently keeping watch over everything.
And Daryl. Taking on hunts by himself. Scouting possible havens with Rick. Never eating enough, never sleeping enough, always taking on more watches than he should.
She was tired of running, tired of watching the people she loved run themselves ragged. She was ready to find someplace to settle for a while. She was ready to stop looking over her shoulder. She was ready to stop worrying every minute if he would ever come back.
A splash brought her back, and she turned.
"What is it?" She reached out, touching Lori's shoulder softly, squeezing gently. She looked around, checking to be sure that nothing had heard them. She didn't see Daryl anywhere but that didn't mean he wasn't there either.
Lori cradled her stomach, head bent. Her face was a mask of momentary discomfort and then it was gone.
"Nothing," she whispered, bending between her legs to pick up the shirt she'd been scrubbing at. She started again, but with less vigor. Carol watched her for a moment, before deciding to talk.
Normally they didn't. Washing clothes had become something they did without question, without speaking. Sometimes Beth took Lori's place, and Carol didn't have to do any talking. Beth was spirited, and hopeful in the face of all this adversity, and Carol was always glad she had enough to fill her own silence.
But she and Lori never did. They had come to the quiet understanding, early on, that they had nothing to say. And if they did, it was never conversational. It was with purpose, or for the benefit of the group. Sometimes Lori would talk to her about Rick, or Carl. Oftentimes, Carol would say nothing because Lori needed that time to just talk about them. And in return, Carol would talk about Sophia, or Ed. They never commented, or judged. If the other wanted it, they would ask for something in return, be it advice or their opinion.
But sometimes, Lori didn't ask for anything. Carol could see it in her eyes that there was something that Lori needed.
She heard the scrabble of something behind her and panic took hold of her. But then it tapered off into the quick flutter of wings and she breathed again. Sunlight poured through an opening in the trees, lighting up the small stream that Daryl had found for them. If she closed her eyes and forgot that the world had been overrun by walkers, she might have found this place peaceful.
But that was just something to dream about.
"What's wrong?" she asked quietly, holding the wet pants in her hands, water trickling down her arms.
Lori rubbed the shirt between her fingers, the motion slowing. She looked up, eyes distant.
"It's the baby," she murmured. Carol felt her brain spin through a thousand different thoughts. The wet clothes slipped through her fingers, falling to the ground with a resounding splat, and she turned to Lori, fingers curling around her arm gently.
"Is everything alright? Is the baby okay?" She asked quietly, but quickly. Lori turned to her with a small smile and closed her fingers over hers softly.
Lori laughed once, and patted her hand. "Thank you, Carol, for being such a good friend." Carol felt her chest clench as Lori's eyes brimmed with tears, and she wiped at them hurriedly.
"I'm fine, the baby's fine," she murmured, closing her fingers back over the shirt tightly. "Just kickin' is all," she said on a choked laugh.
Carol didn't know what had brought on her tears but she knew Lori had been trying to keep herself strong in front of Rick for a long time. She placed her hand over Lori's and pulled it from wet clothing, letting it fall to the ground.
"Lori," she said, pulling her toward her. Lori turned, their knees grazing, and she took both of her hands in hers. "Tell me what's bothering you." Lori's fingers curled in her own, cold and small, and Carol couldn't help but pull them in tighter.
And then she looked up, eyes shining bright. "I'm scared," she muttered.
Carol gripped her hands, her breath catching. "I don't want it to be like this anymore." She pulled one of her hands free and caressed her belly lovingly, protectively.
Carol felt a pang shoot through her. "I just want us to be safe. I want Carl to be safe, I want this baby to be safe." She looked up, eyes filled with pain.
"I want Rick to be safe." Carol leaned forward, brushing a loose strand of her hair back.
"He will be Lori." Lori shook her head violently, leaning back, face twisting in pain.
"But he won't! Don't you see?" She clutched at her belly, and stood up. She started pacing and Carol stood with her, wanting her to settle for a moment before she worked herself up too badly.
Because she was starting to see. Lori was only worried for Carl and Rick's sake. Just like she'd been thinking before, about everyone's safety, about Daryl's, Lori was thinking about her husband and son's. Lori cared about everyone else, and that was the burden of her soul.
"He's running himself thin. He doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat, he doesn't talk to anyone unless it's about going for a run, or where the next stop is." Lori stopped, eyes seeking out hers, pleading with her. Carol wasn't sure that those things could just apply to Rick though. Lori hadn't been eating or sleeping much either.
"He doesn't look at me Carol. He doesn't even look at his own child," she said hoarsely, caressing her belly. Carol flinched at the savage desperation in Lori's voice, and felt a painful echo of it deep within her.
She may not have known what it was like to never have your husband look at you, but she knew what desperation was like. She recognized that pain in Lori's voice, the depth it held.
"I know he hates me," Carol stepped forward about to protest, but Lori held up a hand to stop her. "He does. I know. But it doesn't matter," she cried, the tears slipping down her cheeks.
"I just want to know that no matter what happens to me, he'll be safe. That he'll live through this cruel world to see it get better." Carol let the silence slip between them, heavy and painful. She'd known that Lori had always cared deeply for Rick, and despite what he had done to Shane, she had never wanted anything more than to fix the rift that had come between them.
But Rick was a man that this world demanded. This world was what Rick needed when he thought no one else did.
He was bitter, and he was fierce, and he didn't let anything get in the way of doing what was best for the greater good. Even if that meant leaving behind the ones who loved him most. He truly was a leader, and it crippled his relationship with Lori because he didn't know how to mend what had been broken.
She didn't blame either of them. They lived in a new world where the same rules didn't apply. But they were both hurt, and neither of them had figured out how to approach that pain in each other. And now, it was a chasm that had no way to be crossed.
She went to Lori and wrapped her arms around her, softly, the bump of her belly pushing against her ribs, the life between them kicking gently. Carol was beginning to think that it was the last delicate thread that was holding Rick and Lori together.
"I'll look after him," she whispered, her own tears falling down her cheeks. She had never wanted to do this kind of thing because it meant admitting that their futures were small, but if it gave Lori hope – then she would do it.
"No matter what happens to you. If anything happens to you, but dammit Lori we won't let it," she breathed, holding back her own tears, tightening her arms around her shoulders. "I'll take care of Rick. I'll take care of Carl." Lori shook against her and brought up her own arms, wrapping them around her waist.
"And my baby?" Carol felt herself rock, at the idea of taking care of Lori's baby without her. She hadn't thought, for one moment, that Lori wouldn't be there to take care of Little Grimes. She bit back a fresh wave of tears.
"You promise me you'll take care of them," Lori whispered with a fierce determination.
And Carol knew then that this was what she'd been seeking all along. She could feel it in her bones. Lori had been so scared of dying and never knowing that her family would have been safe.
Protected.
"I'll take care of them all," she whispered. "I'll take care of your family. Because they're my family." Lori sobbed once before catching herself, and then buried her face in Carol's shoulder. They stood like that a moment before Lori pulled away, wiping at her face, laughing softly.
"Thank you," she whispered, rubbing Carol's arms.
Carol nodded, feeling a weight settle heavy over her chest.
"Come on," Lori breathed, pulling her back to their washing and settled back into her spot.
But Carol couldn't shake the feeling that had caught hold of her. There had only ever been one person that she would have cared about had she died. But now, that was different. That was before the world had ended.
"Carol?" Lori was watching her from over her shoulder. She took a deep breath, and went beside her.
"If…if I asked of you the same, would you do it for me too?" Carol felt her chest tighten, her nerves eating at her. She shouldn't be nervous about it, but she knew it wasn't just nerves. She was afraid.
She knew now why Lori had been so adamant about Rick and Carl's safety. She needed to know that if she ever left this world that someone would be left behind to do what she couldn't anymore.
She looked up, searching the shadows once more, knowing she'd find nothing but needing to look anyway. Needing to find him.
"I will." She turned sharply at the soft sound of Lori's voice beside her.
Lori's hand curled around hers, and her smile brought tears to her eyes.
"It's not like we're…he's not…" she sighed, giving up. "I just know that if I'm not looking after him, he doesn't himself. He'll put himself last every time. And as noble as that is I worry," she admitted, looking away.
She cared for Daryl. He'd done more for her than anyone ever had in her entire life. And she just wanted to do whatever she could for him.
"I know," Lori said, the hint of a smile in her voice.
"You two are family now, in more ways than I'm sure he's willing to admit. It'll take time on his part, and I know you're patient. It's not like he's got anywhere to go," she said squeezing her hand, giving her shoulder a shrug.
Carol wasn't so sure about that, but she did feel as if they were family. And she would always be waiting for him. She would always be there for him. But if there ever came a day that she wasn't, she wanted to know that someone would, to watch out for him.
"So it's a pact," Lori said.
Carol looked up, surprised.
"Like a sisterhood thing?" Lori laughed, and Carol felt a wave of relief slip through her at the light on Lori's face, and the ease of her shoulders. Gone was the fear and the anxiety.
"Sure," she said. Carol had never been part of a sisterhood and she liked the idea of it. She'd never had girlfriends until the dead had started walking and, though she hated to admit it, she would be forever grateful for that. Even if the pact they had made left only one of them breathing in the end.
It left a part of her empty. Knowing that one day, one of them would die. That sadness was forever a part of her. But she had accepted it. Just like she had come to accept Sophia's death as well.
That was how their new world worked. And though it brought them new danger and new heartache every day, it had also her brought her new joys that she couldn't ignore.
"Hey." She jumped at the hoarse voice that spoke from behind her, and she felt Lori do the same beside her. She turned, already knowing that tenor, knowing that familiar presence. She wasn't going to admit that her heart picked up a little and it wasn't because he'd spooked her.
"Dammit Daryl," Lori chuckled beside her, holding a hand to her belly. "Scared the hell outta us." He looked them both over, his blue eyes scrutinizing as he held the crossbow close. If she knew his looks, he could tell that something was off between them. But he let it go.
"Rick's callin' us back. We're movin'," he rumbled quietly. Carol watched as Lori's smile shifted slightly, her eyes darkening. When she didn't say anything, Daryl waiting, Carol stood up.
"Alright," she said softly, reaching out to touch his elbow. He didn't recoil from her, and he didn't look away from her either. "We're coming." She couldn't ignore the fact that she let her fingers linger against his skin, or that he didn't shy away from her touch.
And then he nodded, moving away just as quickly as she registered it. "Don't be long. I'll be waitin'," he said, indicating the direction he'd be with a nod of his head.
She nodded in return, and watched him move away in silence, the wings on his vest shifting.
She gathered up the undergarments that they'd washed first; pulling them into the small basket she'd brought with her, packing clothes that hadn't gotten washed back on top.
"We have to go." But Lori didn't move. She stared off with that distant look on her face, her arms wrapped tight around her belly.
Carol was about to say something once more but then she stood up, brushing her hair behind her ear, a small smile on her face. And Carol knew that Lori was still thinking about their pact. She could see it as the sun shone down on her pallid features, highlighting the dark circles under eyes, and the haunted look in her gaze.
Lori strode forward, still holding her belly and Carol just watched her as she weaved between the fallen branches and the trees, stepping over the body of a dead walker.
She looked back, and Carol thought she was going to ask if she was coming, thought she would keep moving. But she stood there, poised over the body of the walker, holding her belly, face fixed in a moment of sadness.
"You won't forget." She let it hang between them sort of as a statement and a question, one that Carol could take back if she really wanted. But she would never do that. She would look out for Rick and Carl, and that baby if it came down to it.
She moved forward, holding the basket of wet clothes to her side, and wrapped an arm around Lori's shoulder pulling her forward.
"I won't forget," she said fiercely, as they walked over that decaying walker.
Lori reached up, taking hold of Carol's hand at her shoulder and smiled faintly. And when she spotted Daryl, waiting for them up ahead, she dropped her hand and moved away.
"You won't forget," she whispered softly, as if she suddenly believed it herself. And when she passed Daryl, she squeezed his shoulder gently. Daryl met her eyes, confusion clear on his face.
She shook her head softly. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't stop the sadness from consuming her.
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light, cause oh that gave me such a fright.
But I will hold as long as you like, just promise me we'll be alright.
But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
We'll live a long life