The Big Date
By Robin Wright
Author's Note: Okay, I admit, it's really stupid, but hey, Valentine's Day is coming. I just had to write something honouring it. This has quite a bit of obvious and not-so-brilliant satire on my part. So... just read, enjoy, and have a great Valentine's Day, whether you have a sweetie or not! (I will, personally, be warding off phone calls from a certain cowboy who won't go away while eating chocolates in my bathrobe. As if you wanted to know that....) Bon sante. - Robin Wright
Link rode his horse through the green grass of Hyrule Field. He was on his way to visit a friend. The sun wasn't as bright as usual, but it was the middle of Grenela (their equivalent to our February) and slightly less than sunny weather was not odd.
On his back was strapped a bouquet of flowers. That particular day was a holiday. Nayru Day, to be exact. Link whistled to himself as he rode along, a song in his heart, and plans in his head. He was going to visit a lady. The lady he adored more than anything in the world. The sole object of his affection (aside from his sword). As he neared his destination, Link whipped off his hat and smoothed his hair back with one hand. He wanted to look good, handsome, worthy of a kiss.
Finally he reached where he was headed and leapt off of Epona. He spoke cheerily to her.
"Wish me luck, Epona. I may just get a kiss tonight from the lady." Epona neighed as if to agree. He took a deep breath and entered the ranch.
Cuccos clucked as he stepped along the front path and to the front door. He cleared his throat and straightened his tunic, then knocked with purposefulness. Waiting for a few moments, Link shifted in nervous anticipation. The door creaked open to reveal his date's father, Talon. He gave Link a thorough look up and down. He raised an eyebrow then held the door open. Link strode into the room, trying to ignore Talon's critical sweeps of vision.
Talon shut the door behind Link and pointed to the sofa in the front sitting room.
"Malon will be a moment or two. Meanwhile, why don't you have a seat?"
Link nodded tensely and sat on the edge of a cushion. He cast a pensive gaze to the stairs which led to her room.
"So Link, how are things with you lately?"
"Um, just fine, Sir."
"Where do you intend on going tonight?"
"To a play and a restaurant in town."
"And then?"
"I'll bring her home?"
"Good answer. And what time would that be?"
"Eh, uh, curfew?"
"At 9:30."
"9:30?"
Talon crossed his arms over his chest.
"Problem with that time?"
"N-no. That's just fine... Sir."
"I thought you may say that. How's 11:00 instead?"
"Really?"
"Sure, unless you aren't being truthful with me. I can always reconsi-"
"No! Um, no, that's just great Sir. Thank-you very much."
"Any time. After all, you know the consequences."
"Excuse me?"
"I've got a spear and a shovel in the shed. No one will notice you're gone."
"Good point. I'll have her home by 10:30."
Talon smirked and leaned back in his seat.
"My thoughts exactly, boy."
They both looked up to the sound of a door creaking open. Delicate steps could be heard coming down the steps. Link stood at the sight of Malon. She wore a short black skirt, calf length black boots, and a purple blouse. Link raised an eyebrow at the sight of her. Her attire was slightly more daring (no, much more daring) than it usually would be. Talon also stood and frowned.
"Malon..."
"Oh Daddy, please? I saved up for so long to buy these clothes."
Talon, hating to hear his only child beg, sighed.
"I give into way too much now. If your mother were here, she'd never allow such things."
"Yes, Daddy."
"But I'm too soft. Have fun, honey."
Malon smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Thank-you, Daddy."
Link started to escort her to the door, when he remembered the flowers on his back. He asked her to stop and pulled them out. Malon beamed at the sight of them and ran to put them in some water. Talon took the opportunity to say something else.
"If I catch you staring at her legs, you'll regret it."
"Y-yes S-sir." Of all the evil he had faced in the past, none matched up to a protective father. Malon returned and Link helped her into her jacket. He opened the door for her.
"What time?" Talon quizzed.
"10:30," Link answered.
"Have fun."
The door clicked shut behind them. Link took the opportunity to take a look at Malon's legs. They walked to his horse and Link lifted her into the saddle. Malon smiled at him in a suggestive way and Link shuddered. He wasn't sure if he could make it through an entire night without kissing her. Pushing the maddening thought from his head, Link mounted Epona and they rode toward the castle town.
The market square was bustling, full of electric excitement. Nayru Day was a big deal in town. The vendors liked it because it gave them a bit of extra capitol from selling flowers, candy, cards, what have you. Restaurant owners liked it because they would be busy for months with messages requesting reservations. Then there were the masseurs and beauty care people, who made out like bandits getting Hylian women ready for their all important Nayru Day dates. Last and most importantly, of course, there were the couples. Nayru Day gave them a chance to express their affection in public without getting rude stares.
Link rode Epona to a nearby stable where he could leave his horse for ten rupees an hour. His horse was assigned a number and a caretaker who would bring her around when Link asked for her. It wasn't what he usually did, but it was a special day. Offering Malon his arm, he led her to the local playhouse. Link had bent over backwards weeks ahead of time to get them the best seats in the house - front row balcony. The play they were seeing was a lovely one by the name of "Kafei and Anju." (Very akin to our "Romeo and Juliet.") Halfway through the play, Link pretended to stretch and eased an arm around Malon, who didn't seem to notice. It was a rousing and stellar performance, the best to this day and received a standing ovation at the curtain call. As the crowd filed out of the theatre, Malon reached over and took Link's hand in her own. Hand in hand, they strolled across the town square to a restaurant where Link had made reservations.
They were promptly shown to their seats in a private room. Only two other couples were in the room with them. The air was quiet and romantically lit with candles. A man played a violin in the center of the room. Link stared over his menu at Malon, unable to think of food. She was too beautiful. His stomach was so full of butterflies that no amount of cake or lobster could possibly fit. All he could think about was how lovely she was and about how he would get her to kiss him later on. What if she didn't want to? What if Talon kept to his wishes?
Link was getting quite entrenched in his thoughts when he saw something out of the corner of his eye that he found greatly unsettling. Ganondorf had entered the room. (He was let out of his imprisonment on good behaviour.) Link immediately tensed up. Then he saw the oddest thing. Mr. Dragmire was not alone. If Link had been eating one of the breadsticks that were in a basket on the table, he would have choked. Ganondorf had a date. And it wasn't a woman. A smirk crept up on his face. Date or no date, he couldn't resist. It might serve him well in the future anyway...
Link excused himself from the table and sauntered over to Ganon's table. The arch-nemesis was leaning closely to his date and holding his hand. One of his eyebrows were raised in a seductive manner and his date blushed.
"Mango likes what he hears," Ganon's dark-haired date replied. Link could hardly keep from bursting out in laughter at the date's attire. He was wearing a gold pair of really short shorts and a gold hat with a veil. His top was very short and also adorned with gold sequins.
"Mango, all I can think of is you! You're all I think of Mango! When we get back to my place, you must dance on the coffee table!"
Link cleared his throat. The two looked up and Ganon's face immediately clouded over in rage.
"What are you doing here?!" he rasped.
"Just came to say hello," Link snickered.
"Well, you've said it, now go away!"
"Nice to see that you're so polite in front of Mango."
Ganon turned to Mango to see a disapproving look on his face.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Mango. This is Link, my arch enemy."
"Nice-a to meet you, Linky. And no, you can't hava de Mango!"
"Nice to meet you, too. I gotta go, Ganny, my date's waiting. But don't worry, I'm sure Naburoo and the other Gerudo women will be quite pleased to find that you have finally chosen your other."
"Tell them and I'll-"
"Aren't you on probation?"
Ganon leaned his chin on his hand and grumbled. Link snickered and went back over to his table. For some reason, it didn't surprise him about Ganondorf...
The rest of the evening at the restaurant passed without incident. At 9:00 Link and Malon left the restaurant. They had an entire hour and a half to spend. Malon held Link's hand as they walked around the town. There wasn't much to do, so Malon suggested that they go back to Link's house. At first, he wasn't sure about the suggestion, but when he got another glance at Malon's legs, he gave it a second thought. They retrieved Epona and rode out of the town. The night air was cold, but fresh and Malon held tightly to Link's waist at they bounded over the grass. After about twenty minutes they reached Link's humble abode. They climbed the ladder and he unlocked the door, allowing the lady in. She walked into his tiny front room and sat down on the couch. Link shut the front door lit a few candles and started a small fire in the fireplace. He sat down on the couch next to Malon, quite ill at ease. All he could think of was two things: what he wanted to do, and what Talon would do to him if he did it. He looked at Malon, then thought of Talon. Malon, Talon, Malon, Talon, Malon, Talon. Malon took off her jacket and crossed her legs toward Link. Malon, Talon, Malon, Talon....Malon. Link had made his decision.
He leaned in, staring into her eyes. Malon wrapped her arms around his neck.
"May I kiss you?" he asked.
"Please."
He drew his lips to hers and they lingered for a moment. It was the most amazing thing Link had ever experienced. She tasted so wonderful, it was all Link could do to not do bad things right away. Feeling bold, he kissed her again and she did not object in the least. He kissed her over and over, the feeling in his chest swelling. Neither of them payed attention as they lied down on the couch in each others' embrace, passionately... snogging.
The sun came up over the horizon full and bright. Talon sat in a rocking chair in his bathrobe, his chin covered in stubble, a large spear in his hands. A shovel rested against the chair. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. They had missed curfew. By many, many hours. All night he had worried about her and he was ready for a faerie boy's hide. He would skin that kid and hang it on the shed, he decided.
Meanwhile, Link and Malon were just waking up. Malon was in one of Link's tunics, her hair tussled and her clothes from the previous night strewn on the floor. Things had... transpired the night before. Not that she regretted it. It was wrong, she knew, but somehow, it had happened. Link was pulling on his boots when she opened her eyes. He turned around at the sound of her waking up. Smiling, he leaned over her and kissed her on the lips.
"Mm, is it morning already?" she mumbled.
"Yup. And I need to take you home. Your father is probably going to kill me."
"Don't worry. I can take care of it."
"You know, I didn't know it was possible, but you look more beautiful in the morning than you did in the night."
Malon blushed. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and kissed him.
"I don't want to go home."
"I don't want you to, either."
"Let's stay just a little longer," she whispered and kissed his neck. Link mumbled something quietly and gave in.
About two hours later, they set out for the ranch. Link feared terribly for his life, because there is one thing worse than a protective father; that is an angry protective father. However, when the ranch neared into their view, Malon came up with an idea.
"My window faces the field. You can drop me off there and I'll climb the vines on the wall."
Link agreed to this and did so. He climbed up the vines after her and kissed her before she shut the window after climbing quietly in. Slowly, he went back down and rode home.
Talon had fallen asleep in front of the house with his spear, but he wasn't going to give up, not when he later woke. He would make sure Link never got near his daughter again.
And then, of course, there was Ganondorf...
To be continued?