Disclaimer: Blinks what do you mean they're not mine?
Hope. It's a damnable thing that will only leave you hurt. It's a weakness really, something that Luthors do not have. And yet tonight I allowed myself that weakness, and to be honest that was un-excusable. For a second I foolishly allowed myself to hope that it was possible that he wanted me as much as I did him.
He pushed me up against my car and ripped open my shirt. And there it was, that accursed arrow of hope piercing my heart, the way that he already has. Then the arrow shatters as I am left with the bitter truth. He knew that I was bugged, or at least suspected it, and was confirming it.
I fight to explain my actions to him. I didn't send the FBI to his farm. I would never do that; I only want to protect him. That's part of the reason I made a deal with the feds, so that I could protect him from Lionel.
He's one of the only good things that have ever happened to me. I don't dare to tell him the depth of my feelings for him, can't risk our friendship. But then what is our friendship really. A friendship that consists of lies, secrets and distrust is doomed to fail.
But that's not just all our friendship consists of. He's constantly saving my life, he makes me smile, laugh. He sees the good in me. But what have I to offer him? Only corruption.
My father is right; friendship is just a weakness. But then again, so is hope. And tonight I allowed myself to hope.
FIN