This is a romance between Kyle and Cartman that popped into my head while watching Sweet Home Alabama. Rofl. Let me know how it is guys. (Kyle POV)

There's a little OOCness in Cartman and Kyle I think, but they are meant to be older in this fic, teenagers, so they would be a little more mature than their 8 year old counterparts. I did try to keep them as true to themselves as possible. Cartman was a bit hard to write though, since he doesn't really have feelings like these lol. I wanted to write him as considerate towards Kyle, but in later chapters I'm going to keep him his usually douchey self towards everyone else.

Reviews will be extremely helpful to me.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

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"Good to see you're finally awake Kyle."

"Ugh, huh? Cartman? What's going on?" The last thing I remember is playing my Wii when I was...knocked on the head. "What the fuck Cartman?! Where are we?" Looking around I notice we're in a dense wooded forest, so overgrown that it's shadowed and the ground isn't covered in any blanket of snowfall.

Cartman is sitting in front of me looking very nonchalant. He's apparently set us up some sort of twisted picnic complete with a red and white checkered blanket, whicker basket, and even a small glass vase with a single red rose. I raise one questioning eyebrow at him before he speaks.

"You know, for a little while there, I was thinking I hit you a bit too hard. How's your head?"

"What the fuck fatass? Since when do you care about my well being? Tell me why the hell you brought me here. You obviously want something." He looks a little hurt from my harsh tone, it's surprising, you'd think he's actually trying to do something nice...something romantic even. I gesture to the picnic setting. "What's up with all this?"

He sighs. "I apologize for taking you here like this." Then softly adds, "And for everything I've done to you over the years."

I think my mouth literally hits the ground. Sorry?! For everything?! "Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Cartman?"

He snorts at me and chuckles lightly. "I thought you might react like that. Trust me, I'm the same asshole neo-Nazi you've known since preschool. I just, finally realized something about my feelings, about you. As fucked up as it sounds, I think I'm in love with you."

I start cracking up with laughter. "You've got to be joking me right? This is just another one of your stupid jokes isn't it? Fuck with the resident homosexual Jew!" Cartman's eyes go wide when I drop that bombshell. "That's just rich Cartman, I'm not even going to question how you found out about that one."

"First of all Kyle," I hate the way he pronounces my name in that low drawn out way of his. "I'm not lying to you, I did mean it when I said that I'm in love with you." I roll my eyes at him. He's not capable of that emotion, of any human emotion. "Have you ever really thought about it?"

"Thought about what asshole? How much of a douchebag you are? Yes, I think I have." I smirk at his obvious frustration.

"No you flaming nutsack!" He yells, then mutters under his breath, "Stupid fucking Jew." I roll my eyes at him again. What love? Pffft. The egotistical bastard probably doesn't even love himself.

"Actually," His eyes light up, "That's what I'm referring to." I give him a blank look. "All the arguments, the fights, everything between us; how passionate it all is. I always thought it was hate you know. That I absolutely despised you for being such a goody two shoes nerdy Jew, but I was wrong. I knew there was always something between us. I just didn't understand for the longest time that it was fiery love instead of icy hatred."

"You cannot possibly think that I'd believe such a ridiculous story Cartman." He sighs again and opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt him. "Even if it was true, why, why would you even tell me? Do you expect me to just go along with all this nonsense? That there would suddenly be something between us? Some relationship? Do you think I'd have feelings for you too? Why?!" I glare at him hotly. I can't believe this bullshit, it must have been Stan, he had to have let something slip.

"All of it is true and you fucking know it Jew." He stares me me down. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that you don't believe me. I have gotten pretty good at tricking you over the years." That thought pisses me off. Yeah the annoying fuck has fooled me many times before. "There has always been passion between us, whether we're fighting or arguing about something or working together towards a common goal. I know that if we had something more between us, something other than just petty arguments, it would be, for lack of a better word, awesome."

I snort in response. "Honestly Cartman, I still think you're full of shit. What do you expect from me anyways?"

"I don't expect anything. And, to be honest, I've been holding this in for two very long years now, and I couldn't fucking take it anymore."

"What?!" Two fucking years?! No way in Hell.

"I had to tell someone, it might as well be you. It was really starting to get to me, bottling everything up like that. It took a lot of restraint on my part to keep from slamming your sexy kosher body into the ground and having my way with you." My face gets redder than my hair at his compliment and he smirks at me. "And by the way, until you mentioned it earlier, I had no idea you were gay." I blush again, I can't believe I let that one slip. I always manage to say too much when he riles me up.

"Anyway, I've said my peace. I don't expect you to have anything great to say in return to me right now, although I do want some sort of answer within the week, so I was thinking we could have a picnic before I escort you home. I don't think you'll be able to find your way back from these woods alone."

I'm positively speechless, Cartman actually seems to be telling the truth, but I don't know whether or not to believe him. I lower my head. He's always seemed truthful before, even with the most absurd of lies. My mother always said if something is too good to be true, it most definitely is. I don't know if I should start taking her advice now or not. I glance at him again and he's giving me such a strange look, he appears defeated.

He looks away quickly and begins to rummage through the wicker basket before pulling out a bottle of Chardonnay and two wine glasses. "Do you want some?"

"I uh sure, red Chardonnay is my favorite. How did you know?"

He chuckles at me. "I've always remembered stupid details about you. You mentioned it to Testabitch at Stan's last party."

I roll my eyes at his name for Wendy, even though she is quite the bitch.

He hands me a glass and pours it half full before filling his own to the brim and taking a large gulp. I'm surprised he doesn't cough or sputter. He must drink a lot. I reach over and pull the basket to me looking inside to see what else he's brought for this "romantic" outing. I pull out a bowl full of fresh strawberries, sliced peaches, blueberries and other assorted fruit and another container full of melted chocolate. How cliche of him.

"You remember that I am diabetic right?"

He just smiles at me and chuckles lightly again. "It's sugar-free, I made the sauce myself, perfectly safe for you to eat." How thoughtful of him. This might not be as awful as I first imagined...I can't believe I just thought that. This is Cartman after all. I sigh. Nothing is ever good when it comes to him.

"Why are you doing this?" I give him a hurt look to which he responds with a forced little smile.

"Because I want to show you the side of myself I've never shown anyone else. I'm just giving myself false hope in that you'd actually want to spend time with someone like me after all I've done to you."

I still don't think I can believe him, but I'm so tired of fighting it. I've wanted him for God knows how long now, probably longer than the two years he admitted to wanting me. "Alright Cartman." I give him a timid smile and his eyes go wide, I guess he wasn't expecting that one. "I'll think about what you said, although I don't think it'll matter since my mom's going to fucking kill me for disappearing like that."

He laughs boisterously. "No she won't. I called to inform her you were with me studying for an impromptu exam in physics tomorrow. She expects you to be out late tonight." He says the last part winking at me.

"But there isn't an exam in physics tomorrow," I start.

"Actually there is. I overheard Mr. Farnsworth speaking to Mr. Garrison after class. He wants to set us "in our place" I think his words were. So I suggest studying a bit for it tonight."

It boggles my mind how he gets information like this, but I suppose I can at least appreciate knowing about a physics test beforehand. Farnsworth can be such a dick when it comes to tests.

I dip one of the strawberries in the chocolate and take a bite. "This is actually really good. You made this yourself? I didn't know you had any cooking skill."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me Kyle." Once again pronouncing my name in that low husky voice. I shudder and blush. Fuck, I can't let him know he's getting me worked up.

"Whatever," I mutter. He just smirks at me again and takes a bite out of the apple he grabbed from the basket.

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Author's Note: So how was it? Send me some reviews people! The more responses I get, the faster I'll want to update the story for you guys. Just saying "Update soon!" or "OMG noooooooes a cliffhanger!" will be fantastic. :P