Okay, this is a worthless and random thought that came into my head when I was talking to my sister about how Natsu get crushed and smacked all the time and never dies. Well let's see how human he really is. This is a crackfic, and there are no pairings. Hints of NatLi and NatLu I guess.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters; they belong to their rightful owners.
Everyone was hyped up and excited, it was time for the S-class exams! All the chatting stopped once Macarov started to speak. Natsu gulped and stared intently at the old man standing up front on stage. He heard nothing, and barely breathed. Lips moved, but no sound came out. "Natsu Dragneel!" cried. Natsu tried to appear cool and said a witty phrase he couldn't remember. More of his teammates' names were called, even that annoying ice stripper. After all the participants were named and the information was delivered, everyone was dismissed. Excited blabber filled the guild, and laughter was easily heard. Natsu chuckled, "This day can't get any better!" Oh, Natsu, Natsu, Natsu. He scarfed down some fire chicken and sat with Gray and the others. Gray starts talking about how difficult this year's Exams are going to be, while Lucy's just surprised they weren't chosen earlier. "I'll win this year for sure!" Natsu boasts. He partners up with Happy and they zoom out of the guild as if their lives depended on it. After their exit, Lisanna stares at them with a goofy grin on her face before collapsing from too much of Cana's alcohol.
Meanwhile, Natsu and Happy try a bunch of ridiculous training methods. Special Training Regimen #1 nearly kills him; NEARLY. Happy just grins at this. He undergoes a few more training trials, and is unknowingly stalked by Gildarts. Special Training Regimen #15 is next. Natsu approaches the challenge with his usual can-do attitude. He carries a boulder with no struggle. Suddenly Natsu hears a snap. He can't feel his lower leg, and his legs shake under him. His heartbeat slows down and he already acknowledges what is destined to happen. He slowly raises his eyes to his long-time buddy, who smiles ignorantly. His life flashes before his eyes, and he contemplates on his life. Had he really lived life to the fullest? Gray, how would he react to this? He thought of the fierce yet caring Titania, and everything she had done for him. Juvia, Gajeel, Wendy, Macarov, Mirajane, Elfman, every one of his nakama. Natsu pondered over whatever he had with Lisanna, and what he could've with Lucy. Igneel, he never did find him. Would he be proud of Natsu? The weight of the boulder was far too much. He stops trying and lets nature take its course. He grunted, wet himself, and died.
Happy strolls over and says, "Aye sir!" Natsu sits up and rubs his eyes. He wanders to the edge of a cliff, confused. Natsu sits down and stares at the sky. Natsu knows that he's dead and his ghost is preparing to leave. Happy bounds towards the hill and calls after Natsu. The dragonslayer turns to face his exceed, and smirks. Happy's smile doesn't falter and he runs up to him to pat him on the back. When his arm goes right through him, he gasps. Natsu chuckles lightheartedly and disintegrates into light particles before flying away with the snow. "AYE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR!" Happy cries. Two weeks later, the burial ceremony begins. Mirajane holds in her tears as Macarov reads off a eulogy. Happy jumps into the burial slot with the final words of "AYE!" The quick drying cement is poured in quickly, no one particularly caring for the exceed. Happy flutters out, not serious about dying along with his pal. Fried gives his speech about his love for Laxus, and Macarov dismisses everyone. He sighs and eats all the food before leaving Natsu's corpse on the ground.
Sorry Natsu. You don't get to live after being crushed by a boulder. Don't take this seriously, review if you like. This doesn't really need criticizing, it was written out on some drunk ideas floating around in my head. Thanks for reading!