"I also know how hard it is to get over him."
Casey says this quietly, but with feeling because she does know, and even though Rebecca may be hurting, she would always hurt more because he was her first. Deep down she thinks that she will never get over him, and it is not that she did not love Evan; it is not that she does not like Max. It is just that they are not Cappie, and regardless of what Ashleigh said, pie was not sex, but the whole of their relationship. The kisses, talks late at night, actual pie, and yes, the sex, but it wasn't that, it was more like making love because in those moments, they were one, and she could feel him everywhere, and she thought that maybe this was what the future could hold. Casey likes being with Max, he makes her smile, she thinks his unruly hair is cute, and she loves how smart he is, but really, that's what she felt about Cappie also. That's what she feels about Cappie. Sometimes she wonders what would have happened if she stayed that afternoon, they were writing a paper. No guy ever cared enough to actually bribe a TA just to be with her. Maybe the heartache with Evan, with Frannie, and with Rebecca could have been avoided. But she didn't.
So she spends time with Max, and loves the way he smiles, and tries to impress him with her knowledge of anything. It's so hard though, when she's talking about something that happened at the house, and he gets this look like, 'What is she talking about? Why is a sorority so important?' Cappie understood her need to belong somewhere.
After a few months, she manages to stop comparing Max to Cappie. She genuinely likes Max, and she does not want to ruin her relationship with him for Cappie, who hasn't even made a move, despite being totally single. She does not speak of him, does not look at him, and does not think of him until late at night when she can give into her quiet desires. And she stays with Max. This is her world, and she is content, satisfied, if not happy. She can live with this.
'This' comes crashing all around her ears the first night she sleeps with Max. It's nice, not world shaking like it was with…not thinking. Towards the end, she closes her eyes and pictures him, his beautiful eyes, and gasps something as her world shatters.
A few seconds later she registers that the name Max cries is "Sarah." A pang hits her, because she refuses to be a replacement for a dead girlfriend. She isn't a philanthropist, a philosophy major. She's Casey. She loves ZBZ, and still doesn't know what to do with the rest of her life.
As they separate, he stares up at the ceiling and quietly tells her she should leave.
"Excuse me?" She asks, furious.
He still doesn't look at her, and maybe she thinks he is embarrassed about saying the wrong name. "My name is Max."
"I know." She says, confused. "I'm Casey. Nice to meet you."
"You said Cappie."
She feels like she's fainting, or maybe the world is contracting all around her because she hasn't made that mistake in years. "You said Sarah."
"You know who Sarah is. Who's Cappie?" Max rolls over to look at her. "Your dead boyfriend?"
Casey doesn't acknowledge the clenching of her heart at Cappie and Dead in the same time. "My ex. It's been over for a long time."
He just stares. "It doesn't sound over."
Silently, she gathers her clothing, and pulls herself together. "I'm sorry, Max."
"Me too, Casey."
She is humiliated to find her brother in the hallway, heading to his dorm. "Case? What are you…? OH" His eyes widen at her disheveled appearance, and Max's door. "Um, do you want to come in?"
And face Rusty's freaky roommate? "No thanks Russ."
"The Cartwright kids." A voice from behind Rusty makes her freeze, and she cannot breathe all of the sudden.
"Cap."
"Casey."
Rusty laughs nervously. "What are you doing here Cappie? You hate this hall. Said nerds give you gas."
He hands him a package. "You left this at the house. I felt I was obligated at your big brother to return it."
"Thanks." Rusty grabs the package, then says. "I'm going in." He looks at Cappie, then Casey meaningfully.
"Don't worry, I don't want to stay." Casey says, misinterpreting. "So outta here."
The two boys watch as she disappears down the hall.
"Cappie. Go after her."
"Huh?" Cappie looks dazed. "Spitter, haven't I told you that it's over between the Fairer Cartwright and" The door slams in his face. "I?"
He catches up with her, like she was afraid and hoped he would.
"Leaving so soon?"
She whirls on him. "So fine, I didn't stay after sex. Want to know why? Max didn't have pie. Not that it's any of your business."
He looks uncomfortable. "I meant you didn't want to talk with Spitter more. It looked like you had just gotten there. Which I guess is true, since you were shacking up with your boyfriend right beforehand."
"ex-boyfriend. We broke up."
"Told you the lack of pie would get you."
Casey laughs. "You were right. It was a lack of pie. Or a lack of you, maybe to be more precise. What does it matter?"
"Case," His voice is so gentle. "You always matter to me. What happened?"
"We both said our ex's name. His girlfriend was dead, and you were…you."
"I've been better at not being me lately." He says. "I picked a major. I'm different than freshman year."
"I know. You were so good with Rebecca; you just tamed the little she-devil. And then you dumped her." She spits at him.
"Hey." He gets right back in her face. "I didn't dump anyone. She broke it off with me. She said she wanted someone more serious. I told her I could be. She said not for her. Get it? We broke up because of you too. So get off your high horse, and stop thinking you're the only one having trouble moving on, and letting go."
Casey stares at him in absolute fury for a few seconds, and then somehow ends up with her legs wrapped around his waist; kissing him for all that he's worth. Between desperate kisses, she gasps, "Don't let me go. I don't want to move on."
"No ones moving."
Casey knows that the sisters won't love this new arrangment. She knows Frannie will use this against. But, she can't think of that as he holds her tight against her, and kisses her, and she can smell, and feel him, and she thinks this is what's missing.
This is what happiness feels like. Like warm apple pie.
So for what was supposed to be a drabble, this turned really long! I hope you liked it.
About Life In LA, I'm almost done with the last chapter! Keep posting Greek! Keep Reviewing!
Thanks.