Case Closed: "The Mooning"
An ATHF-DC x-over
By: DMEX
Nothing is mine, even Conglomo
-Sebastian Manor-
2 Atari-like aliens knock on the Sebastian Manor door. One of them is green and has dark blue everything else and the other is a bright purple, shorter than the green one but has light blue everything else. The door was answered by Serena, who just glares at the weird creatures (and she's not too pleased, either…)
Green: You are Serena Sebastian are you not?
Serena: And who are you dweebs?
Green: We are the ones who bought your family out.
Purple: Yeah, we own your ass!
Green: Like Conglomo, "We Own You".
Serena (sarcastically): I'm sure you do…
Green: Remember the ones who bought you, I am Ignignot.
Purple: I'm Err.
Ignignot: And we are the Mooninites.
(Serena slams the door on them)
-Dr. Agasa's House-
Agasa: Jimmy, check out my latest invention, Inflatable Pants!
Conan: Inflatable pants?
Agasa: My brother who lives on the South Jersey Shore was the person who helped me come up with it.
Conan sees the picture, it's Dr. Agasa with Dr. Weird
Jimmy (thinking): I see the resemblance…
-Moore Detective Agency-
Richard is reading Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, much to Rachel's dismay
Richard: Now THAT'S a nice bikini!
Rachel: Put that away! What if Conan saw you with that?
Richard: He won't because if he does, I'm going to smack him around until he's blind!
(knocks at the door)
Richard answers it and see the Mooninites standing there
Richard: What the hell do you punks want?
Ignignot: You are Detective Moore are you not?
Richard: Who's asking?
Err: Answer the damn question!
Richard: Yes, I'm Richard Moore. (dumb ass…)
Ignignot: We are here for the room you have for rent.
Richard: You got cash?
Ignignot: We are prepared to pay you in pornography and food stamps which you will use to buy vast amounts of champagne to bring the girls home.
Err: Yeah! So give us the damn rooms!
Richard: YOU BOYS DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN! THE ROOM IS YOURS!
The Mooninites walk in, Err picks up a Zombie's Hottest magazine Richard was reading earlier
Rachel: What did you just do, Dad?
(Conan comes in about this time)
Richard: Rachel, I told you last week; I had one of our rooms for rent so I could make some extra cash. I can't always wait for a major case to come in.
Rachel: You never told me who's room is was you were renting!
Richard: Who else? The damn freeloader who's been living here.
Rachel (angry): YOU RENTED CONAN'S ROOM TO THEM?
Ignignot: So who's Conan?
Conan: I've been standing here the entire time…!
Err: He looks a nerd! You a damn nerd! Cause we spank nerds with moon rocks!
Ignignot: That we do, Err.
Rachel: You better not touch him!
Conan: So where am I supposed to sleep?
Richard (angry): ON THE COUCH, WHERE YOU BELONG…!
(bonks Conan on the head)
Jimmy (thinking): Don't get any say in this?
Ignignot: Why don't you have some pot to calm your nerves, which are boiling like the sun at this point.
Err: Yeah. And pot's cool, yo!
Rachel: I'm not setting a bad example for Conan!
Ignignot: Conan this, Conan that! If you love him so much, why don't you just marry him?
Jimmy (thinking, angry): WHAT A JACKASS! I'M GONING TO PUT MY SIZE 8S UP HIS RETRO ASS!
Rachel glares at Ignignot and Err with a murderous look
(throws them outside, bit they come in through putting themselves through the glass window)
Ignignot: You have deeply offended us…
Err: Where's the love in here?
Ignignot: We're full of religion, Rachel. Everyone, bow your heads and pretend to care as I recite the Moon God's Prayer!
(Conan kicks them out by kicking a soccer ball at them.)
-Later, Agasa's House-
Conan: You still haven't given up on the inflatable pants yet?
Agasa: I had finished 4 pairs, one for each of your friends!
Jimmy (thinking, with a smart ass grin): George, Amy and Mitch wouldn't find anything fun in these…
-Baker Park, 1 hour later-
George: I'm flying!
Amy: Wheeeeeeeeee!
Mitch: I feel like a hot air balloon!
Jimmy (thinking, with pissed off look): I stand corrected…!
Pulls the hidden cord and Conan's pants inflate
George: Are we the only kids in the world with Inflatable Pants?
Conan: Yes.
Mitch: I hope we are. In the wrong hands, these pants could cause disaster… And belts…
Jimmy (thinking): Give me a break… Who would want to commit a crime with inflatable pants…?
(in some world where adult tyranny is a life style)
Toilenator: I say we use inflatable pants to kidnap Numbah 1 and use him as a hostage!
Mr. Boss: That's a stupid idea! Next you'll tell me that in a remote world 4 stupid kids are wearing them and playing around in them!
(back at Baker Park)
Jimmy (thinking): Like that will ever happen…
The Mooninites carrying a stack load (presumably stolen) of porn happen to be walking by when they see Conan and his friends.
Ignignot: Look, Err. I guess it's true what they say: "When pigs fly".
Err (to George): Fly, fat boy, fly!
George (angry): I'M NOT FAT, I'M BIG BONED!
Amy: That wasn't very nice!
Ignignot: So is that nerd, but at least I'm not a (duck quack)!
George: He didn't just say-
Mitch: Hey Conan, what's a (burp)?
Amy: I dare you to come up here and say it to my face, you failed 1980s Q-Bert (car horn)!
Err: (flips Amy off, makes a beep noise when Err flips Amy off)
Conan: Let's just ignore them, there not worth it…
(Mitch is already down there with the Mooninites)
Ignignot (To Mitch): So which do you prefer, Hustler, Zombie's Hottest, or Playboy?
Mitch: Aren't these magazines the things Detective Moore reads?
Err: Do you see Moore-on around?
Mitch: No, but-
Err: Then make your damn choice and read the (dolphin squeak) thing!
(meanwhile, Moore Detective Agency)
Richard: Hey, Rachel. Where's Ignignot with those magazines?
Rachel: Him and Err went out and took them with them.
Richard: Damn them…! I should locked my porn up when I had the chance!
-Baker Park, 15 minutes later-
George: Give me that!
Mitch: No way!
Ignignot: Take one and pass to the fat one Err.
George: Shut up!
Err: Take it or leave it!
Amy: George, Mitch what are you reading?
Err: Nothing you want!
Richard: HEY!
Richard takes the magazines and clocks George and Mitch
Richard: The nerve of you little brats!
Ignignot: Uh oh… This does look good, Err.
(Richard pulls out an .357 Uzi and starts shooting the Mooninites)
Ignignot (scared, while dodging bullets): Come in ship! We are outta here!
Richard and Rachel: DON'T EVER COME BACK!
Ignignot (from the ship in space, flips them off with a beep): If you think this is a bomb, you're a retard.
Detective Moore is scolding Mitch and George, but all you can hear is angry monkey and gorilla sounds
-Next afternoon-
Serena: -it was strange though, those weird things looked like something my dad played on Atari last week. That green one said-
Ignignot: Like Conglomo, "We Own You".
Conan: It was probably one of their scams.
Rachel: I doubt they'll come back…
Serena: If they do, Super Kick them for me.
Jimmy (thinking): I don't think those guys will want to come back after being shot at… And I ended up getting screwed because of those guys.
(DC Credits)