it's a frequent trend now that i write everything at night. and to be honest... wtf is this.

so amy/jake is an official thing now and now i'm kind of iffy on it and ian/cara but eh why not. so now i ship two different amy/jakes. help.

Disclaimer: I don't own the 39 clues, but if I did, you would see way more Ian/Amy.

Ian felt nothing.

In actuality, he felt everything, and it came rushing at him so fast his nervous system shut down. His emotions were out of control and he felt powerless except to let it wash over him in short, painful shocks.

Natalie dying. Amy and Jake. It was pure agony.

At least with Natalie's death he could think clearly. She given her life to save the world, and he felt proud and horrified at the same time. He could still see her face right before she got electrocuted; hard and grim, set with determination. He hated that she had to sacrifice herself, but at least he didn't feel conflicted emotion-wise.

Amy and Jake, on the other hand. Evan may have been completely smitten with her, but Ian knew right away that Amy had never really fallen in love with Evan. He saw the way she glanced at him. It was like seeing a shy little girl look at a crush from the other side of the playground.

Instead, he noticed the way she looked at Jake. Her eyes were always fiery with emotion when she looked at him, yet tender and kind at the same time. They bickered often, but in the end Ian could see how much she really cared for him.

And it tore him apart.

Amy never looked at him like that, probably because she was always completely oblivious to subjects regarding boys and their emotions. After she declared that she hated him, she probably never even looked at him in the way she used to. After she told him she was disgusted at his entire being, he told himself, Fine, she never meant that much to me anyways. But as the days went by he became infatuated, obsessed, and he hated it. He tortured himself everyday worrying about her and how she felt.

No more.

Ian decided that this would be the day he stopped hurting himself over her. He stood up from his chair in the Cahill mansion and stepped outside to the backyard.

He saw her reading on a deck chair, completely engrossed in a thick book, absentmindedly twirling her hair as she flipped the pages. Her hair was falling around her face, and her complexion glowed under the sunlight. She looked like a goddess.

He approached Amy Cahill.

"Hello," he said.

Amy tore her eyes up from her book, and flushed slightly when she saw him there. "Oh, hey Ian."

He took a seat in a nearby lounge chair, and winced when he saw a puddle of muddy water next to his stature. "You should sanitize your chairs. This looks filthy."

"You're right," Amy said with a quirked brow, "sitting on such dirty lounge chairs are beneath you. Please, sit on the ground."

Ian sniffed. Amy laughed and set down her book.

"What's up? What did you want to talk to me about?"

Ian stopped a moment, trying to calculate his next words.

"Well?"

"I... well, I have to address a few things that I have not acknowledged before," he said awkwardly. "I have something to confess."

Amy looked expectant.

"I thought I would let you know," Ian fumbled, "that I have not stopped thinking about you since we were but children, and you deserved to know."

Amy looked confused for a moment, then realization cleared her face. A small smile crossed her features, but she said nothing.

"I need help... getting over you," he confessed stiffly.

She laughed softly, but not teasingly. "Ian."

He fought to hide a blush. "What?" he asked defensively.

Amy had smothered her smile and had leaned toward him. "Was I your first crush?" she asked seriously.

Ian blinked. Was she his first crush? She must've been, because he'd liked her since they were thirteen.

"Probably," he mumbled.

She leaned back again. "That must be it," she said. "You never forget your first crush."

Ian spluttered indignantly. "That - That isn't - you were not my crush!"

Amy frowned. "What was I to you then?"

Ian immediately froze before he could say, You were everything. She probably would not take it very calmly. It would make everything tense and weird between them. "You... uh..."

"Spit it out."

"You were more than a crush," he said, straightening his back and looking away. "I loved you. Why else do you think the reason is for not getting over you by now?"

He only realized how awkward the words sounded until her verbalized them, and by then he couldn't take them back.

"Oh."

Amy had a strange look on her face.

Ian laughed forcibly, "I know you're with Jake right now, so before I could back out, I decided that you had to know. Have a lovely day."

He stood up to leave, but Amy put a hand on his arm. Her uncomfortable expression was replaced with one of sympathy. She was smiling.

"Hey, no need to be embarrassed," she said. "We're all friends here. Even if you like me."

Ian sat back down. The chair squeaked.

"There's a girl out there for you," Amy began, twirling her hair again. "You may not believe it, but she's definitely there. She's maybe not perfectly compatible with you, but you two will connect. It'll just feel right. She'll understand you. You will fight, but no matter what, you will always feel that you love her. You'll hate it, but if she's the one, you will always love her."

Ian nodded dumbly. There was a certain truth behind her voice that reassured him.

"In the end, I won't matter to you. Sure, we'll be friends, but you'll definitely be over me. I promise."

"Thank you," he said. None of her words had ever applied to someone before, but he felt its truth deep inside.

"No problem," Amy replied, grabbing her book. "You're a good person, Ian. I had a crush on you once, but we're definitely not compatible together. Me, the plain old girl, whose parents died nobly, and you, always in custom made leather shoes, with a mother who wants to kill me. We don't understand each other at all, but that's what makes us such a good team."

Suddenly, Amy didn't seem like someone to have a crush on. She was just a simple minded girl with a lovely smile. Someone Ian could befriend.

"Thank you," he said again, and this time, Amy didn't stop him from walking away. He could feel her fond smile from behind him.