AN: Started this one last year but got really, really stuck. Then life happened and I had to give up writing for a while. Never did quite get back into the groove of this one but it's close enough to finished to start posting. Probably just a few chapters in all over the next few weeks. (got a hectic schedule at the mo.)

This is not intended to be medically accurate, so don't be jumping on my technicalities, I made them up… Just enjoy the rocky ship for what it is. A bit of rollercoaster fluff with a little OC bleeding heart reveals at the end (or at least I should think that's the way it's going to go...)

Please let me know if the rating needs to be changed up from T. Got some sexual references and one heavy four letter curse word. Unedited as yet so may be subject to change as story develops. Please PM me if you spot any obvious errors thanks :)

Summary: A bit of a physical whump for Jack and an emotional one for Sam. Set after Continuum Jack and Sam are finally together, but is all as it should be? Join our intrepid duo as they figure out just what it means to be equally unequal. T rated. J/S ship. Angst, hurt/comfort.

IMBALANCE OF TRUTH.

Sam Carter slid down the wall, the tears flooding her. She hated herself for crying but there was no way in the world she was going to be able to stop herself now. Besides it just hurt too damned much not to. She let out a wailing sob and buried her head, it was all too much. Never would she find a way to cope with all of this, never in a million years. She was such a fool, why, why, why had she ever believed that everything would work out for her.

All that sacrifice, all that waiting and the wishing and the painful yearning, all of it for nothing. For worse than nothing. For a quick impatient 'about time' fumble in the back of a truck, weeks and then months of being inseparable that turned first into bickering and then constant heated arguing and a final hard fuck in restroom of her favourite restaurant. She was so sure it would have been different once they finally were allowed to be together but the lack of boundaries had ruined everything.

As Carter and O'Neill they were dynamite. A well oiled tag-team that could conquer the most daunting of enemies without even having to speak a word out loud. They knew each other inside-out, each other's wishes, wants and dream, they were perfect together. Even the slip-ups that they had had over the years were red hot, like forbidden fire shining bright in the middle of a blackout. Three in all, three sexual encounters, each of them like nothing they had ever experienced before, each completely different and unique.

The first, near the beginning, when neither of them could contain themselves, their simple and uncomplicated desire driving them to take the risk. Next, four years later, came a week of absolute bliss when they got trapped off-world, so sure that they would never be free again that it was impossible to resist the fact that they only had each other. And the last time? No matter what happened she would always hold that one dear in her heart. A genuine coming together in the middle of the painful aftermath of losing Janet. A soft, shared, heartfelt experience at a time when they both needed to forget their world and only feel, just for a short while.

And that had been all, ten years they had fought hard against each other and now that they could finally be together it was not going to happen. There was nothing they could do, it just wasn't meant to be. Jack and Sam didn't exist. It never had. It was all a fantasy. How could they have ever really thought that without the chain of command they could be together? They were not equals, they never had been and a relationship where both parties felt threatened by the imbalance was never going to work as she had just so spectacularly discovered.

The realisation had been so simple...

"Get your coat we're going out to dinner." he said without even a by your leave.

"But Jack I really don't want to go out." She was tucked up on his sofa in a pair of slacks with a good if a little trashy novel.

"Oh pish-posh, I'm taking my gal to dinner, now let's go." he said, argument not an option.

Immediately she felt herself rise. "You're not my CO any more Jack you can't just order me to go if I don't want to." She returned to her book.

His face twisted into a frown. "I'm not trying to order you to do anything. I just wanted to surprise you that's all."

It was then that she realised he had scraped himself into some half decent clothes and gone to the bother of shaving. Maybe she was overreacting. "Fine, just give me an hour, I'll go get ready." Sluggishly she dragged herself off the sofa and sighed.

"What do you need an hour for? You look fine."

Sam's eyebrows flicked up. He hadn't even so much as looked at her. "Fine? I look fine?" She stared down at herself. She would be embarrassed to even so much as open the door in the get-up she had on.

Jack obviously heard the disbelief in her voice because he turned and gave her an appraising sweep. Desire glowed behind his eyes and he stepped close. "Sam you could wear a paper bag and you would still look hot." he wrapped her in his arms. "In fact, remember that time you did? Well it was more of a homemade leaf but..." he shrugged suggestively.

Carter ducked her head, that had been an ordeal and a half that was for sure. She remembered her embarrassment at the guys bursting through the door, hell bent on rescuing her only to discover that she was hiding behind the bed. It had taken a lot of persuading to get her to come out and when she did Daniel had almost wet himself with laughter. Jack however hadn't laughed. He recognised her vulnerability and had immediately stripped of his outer layer to let her cover herself. "Yeah well if you remember it didn't make me feel too good and that's how I feel now."

He kissed her. "Well I think you look really cute, not going out cute but sexy none the less. So go get changed, the reservation is at eight."

Sam's smiling face fell. "Eight?" she looked at her watch. "Jack, I'll never be ready in time."

"Why not, all you got to do is get changed, I left out an outfit for you."

"You left out an outfit?"

"Yeah I did."

"You did?"

"On the bed."

"On the bed?"

"Will you stop parroting everything I'm saying, that's really annoying." She had been doing that a lot lately, usually when she was on the verge of getting pissed off.

Sam's eyebrow flicked up. She was annoying? Oh this could be an interesting night.

Gently she pushed away from him. She recognised the fact that he was trying to be spontaneous but the way he'd gone about it was actually kind of galling. Silently she left him standing and headed for the bedroom that was still very much his.

That was another thing, how come it was always his house they went to. Her poor house plants were starting to get neglected and the damp patch on the ceiling was starting to reappear, like it did when she was away on extended missions. Sure his house was bigger and closer to the mountain but her house was her house and sometimes she needed her own space, her own chair...her own slacks, she tugged on the loose band of the tatty grey material that were two sizes too big. Another sigh escaped her as she figured they seemed tighter than the last time she'd worn them. This really was a bad time of the month to be trying to look sexy. All she felt was bloated and sluggish, roll on next week to get it all over and done with. She bit her lip as her mind once again jumped track. Maybe now that she was in a relationship it was time to go back on the pill, just for a little while. More than once now they had neglected to be careful and the last thing either of them needed at this stage was an accident.

Carter stopped short and stared at the bed. No way in hell she was wearing that! He had picked out a skimpy little dark-blue dress that was designed for the summer sun and needed a hell of a lot of wax to ensure that revealing wasn't doing just that. She fired it back into the closet. What was it doing here anyhow? No way she had brought it over in mid-winter. Suddenly she remembered him poking about in her room the last time they had gone over to her place. She had promised she would look after the neighbours' cat and it made sense for them to stay there. Had he taken it then? That was way out of line if he had. He must have done, the cheek of the man, there was no way they were that familiar with each other yet that he could take that kind of liberty. She wouldn't dream of going through his belongings.

She knew her face was bright red with the beginnings of true anger as she lifted first one, then another pair of jeans, none of which were anywhere near suitable and found some of her other stuff that simply didn't belong here. Like the baby-doll that Pete had bought her that she was never going to wear again and hadn't gotten round to throwing out.

"Sam are you nearly ready yet?" a voice called from the other room. Sam blinked, she had been in the room, what, the whole of thirty seconds.

"No of course I'm not! Jeez Jack give me half a chance would you!"

"Well hurry up. We..." he poked his head round the door the rest of his sentence cut short by the fact that she still wore his slacks. "You're still..."

"Yes I am. Go phone the restaurant would you, I'm going to be a while." she snapped.

He frowned deeply. "What was wrong with..."

"It's mid-winter Jack. What is that dress even doing here anyway?" she asked hotly her back turned as she fired a long flowing denim skirt, thick roll-neck top and woollen cardigan onto the bed before stripping down to her underwear.

"I thought you looked nice in it." Jack said sheepishly, kind of hurt by her abrupt rejection of what he thought was a fine choice of eveningwear. He had even set aside her sapphire earrings to match.

"Nice if I want to freeze to death!" Sam muttered to herself.

"What?" Jack asked, his temper beginning to rise. She'd been very narky lately and he didn't appreciate it.

Sam turned to face him, hands on her hips. "Do you want me to get ready or not?"

He raised his eyebrows and pulled an annoyed lip up. What kind of a stupid question was that?

"Well get the hell out of here and let me get on with it! I'll be ten minutes."

Jack found himself grumbling deeply. Despite the fact that she was standing facing him in pale pink lacy underwear, she had never seemed so unattractive to him. What was with the attitude? He'd never in his life heard her use that tone with him. All he wanted to do was take her out for a nice meal and she was giving him grief, like it was the worst chore in the world. Turning his back on her he left the room, picked up the phone and angrily punched the buttons. He shifted the reservation by half an hour and looked at his watch. They needed to be gone in twenty minutes to get there on time.

Taking a deep breath he tried to calm down. He didn't want to be the one who ruined the night. Every night for the past week had disintegrated into arguing and he had even slept in the spare room. In his own house! How she had managed to kick him out of his own bedroom he would never know, but that was never happening again!

OoO

The ride to the restaurant was a completely silent affair, Jack driving and Sam, looking terrific he had to admit, staring sullenly out of the window. "We're here." he offered quietly and she smiled at him.

Sam, now that they had arrived was determined to make a conscious effort to make this work. It was really sweet after all. It was the place he had taken her to on their first official date and he knew that she really loved it here. She waited for him to open the car door and took his hand as she stepped out. She didn't need all the sweeping chivalry but knew how much it meant to him. Out of nowhere an urge came on her and deliberately she pulled him back kissing him deeply, feeling the fire burning through her, she wanted him. Not right here, right now but soon and not in his bed. Somewhere else, somewhere unexpected and dangerous. "Were making love before we get home tonight." she whispered into his ear as another couple walked past.

Jack felt himself groan. The woman was a complete and utter minx. Why did she have to do that to him? Already he was going to have difficulty sitting comfortably while they ate. He kissed her again and let her unique scent fill the air around him. A slight breeze stole it away and he opened his eyes to see her watching him closely, love and amusement in her eyes. "We better go in." he whispered hoarsely.

The table was not as good as he would have liked being too near the kitchen door but they made do and did there best to forget about everything but each other. Neither of them bothered with any wine as Jack was driving and Sam had an early start. Things were amiable enough if not as natural as the last time they ate out. Sam felt the weight of the change heavy in her heart, things had been off for a little while now and she couldn't help but get the feeling that this was headed the way of Pete and every other guy she thought she loved. She pushed the depressing notion aside, this was Jack. She had waited a decade for him and really didn't want to think about it not working out.

Jack watched the sadness in her eyes and knew exactly how she felt. For a while now he had been in denial over the fact that the reality of finally getting everything he ever wanted was more painful than he thought it would be. Having her constantly in his home and in his life reminded him of how much he missed Charlie and the contented happiness he had felt when everything was good and he was young. It wasn't that he didn't love her, hell he had loved her from the very moment he'd set eyes on her it was just that...well he didn't actually know what it was, it was just different to how he imaged spending every moment with her would be like. "Lamb alright?" he asked into the growing silence as he attempted to get out of his own head. "My fish is good, so are these, here have a fry." he held one out for her.

"No thanks." Sam looked at the French-fry on offer and once again felt unattractive. She set her knife and fork down, she was done with eating. She watched Jack O'Neill pull a concerned face.

"Are you alright?" he asked, making her smile just a little.

"Yeah Jack I'm fine, just not all that hungry is all."

He reached out and took her hand from across the table. He had to admit he was a little worried, she had hardly ate anything at all in days, turning him down every time he was making something and only picking at her meals when she did eat. Maybe this was how she was all the time, he just wasn't around her enough to notice. It was strange how little they actually knew about each other. Strange and a little depressing. "Okay Sweetness, so long as you're sure." he told her, trying to stay upbeat.

Sam squeezed his hand. He had taken to calling her that a lot lately and it was growing on her. That and 'Sunshine'. He loved calling her that, especially in the morning right before he showed her his own little ray and they started each day in the way that any true lovers should. Even that morning after their big argument and she had gone to find him in the spare room they had passionately made love, first on the floor of the bedroom and then on the kitchen counter, with the curtains still open and the neighbours out cutting the grass. Their lovemaking had been getting more and more risqué lately, like they were both looking for the danger that they had lost with the permission to be together. Sam rose from the table giving him a look and instantly he followed her.

The mission to get into the ladies undetected had been disappointingly simple and the plush carpeted bathroom was not at all seedy. They waited until the very last moment as someone opened the door before they ducked, still heavily embracing, into one of the cubicles. They chose the middle one and fought hard to remain silent as at one stage they had company on either side of them. Sam rode out her orgasm by biting hard on her own hand and Jack silently twitched out his, the veins popping out in his neck as he held his breath for too long.

"God Sam." he declared as he removed himself from her and instantly zipped up. "That was amazing."

Sam had gone quite as she watched him. Once again she realised, just a little too late that they hadn't been careful. What was it about him that made her so stupid? Was he really that irresistible?

"You okay?" he asked her.

"Oh ah yeah. I just realised we didn't use protection that's all."

He shrugged, "But you're on the pill right?"

"Ah, no Jack I'm not." she told him, kind of pissed at the assumption.

Jack felt a cold horror running through him. "But Sam, I thought..." Silently he counted the number of times that he had ridden her bareback in just the last few weeks alone. He was so sure she would have gone straight back on that he didn't think he would have to be that careful. "That's kind of irresponsible don't you think?" The words were out before he could stop them and instantly he regretted it. She was simply glaring at him.

"Well fuck you Jack O'Neill!" she told him and tore through the cubicle door. "That's it, we're done."

"What?" Jack couldn't believe what he had just heard. Had she really just finished with him over the head of a careless statement?

Sam was absolutely furious. Never before had anyone said something so down right insulting to her. She ran at full speed through the restaurant, tears tripping her. She abandoned her coat and even her purse and stepped out into the wintery rain. A cab picked her up instantly and she fished for her emergency money that lay inside her bra...

Now she sat crying at the back of her own front door. She knew it would be no time at all till he was there knocking on her door, trying to make everything okay, but it was not okay. That last simple statement had been the difference between her believing this could work and realising it never could. Jack O'Neill could never be hers, they just didn't fit together in the way it really mattered. Sure the sex was invigorating, she clenched herself at the thought, feeling her slightly swollen inside pulse but everything else was wrong. It shouldn't be but it was. She let out a long sigh and hauled herself up. She had to lock all her doors or she knew he would just waltz on in. He wasn't going to be allowed to do that anymore.

AN: Hang it there, that's the argument over. Something unexpected in a few days when I get finished with work. Please let me know what you think.