AN: Okay, so, I know I totally need to get at my US/UK fic that I've been putting off for Five-ever, but I kinda lost my love for it currently. So, for now, I will be writing for Homestuck, and you can all shoot me later, I swear. So, for now, enjoy the show!
A little background on this story: Recently, at my high-school, I started my 3rd trimester in my sophomore year. One of the classes I take is health, and our first topic of discussion was stress, anger management, and mental disorders. We were given a worksheet with several mental disorders listed, and were told to write a brief explanation of a character from our imagination with said disorder. Going through the list, and with Homestuck fresh on the brain, I suddenly get the idea for this fic, and so, here it is! I really do hope you'll enjoy it! Please review when you're done and tell me if I can improve at all, I am not fully aware of the extents of the symptoms and personalities of people with any of the disorders noted in this fic. There WILL be TRIGGERS in this story, I can tell you that. So if you don't want to see that, please don't read it, and don't flame it because you were too lazy to read my excessive OOC rant. Okay, I'm done, onto the more technical stuff!
TRIGGERS/WARNINGS: Substance abuse, violence, physical abuse, (possible) sexual abuse, suicide attempts, bullying, ideologically sensitive material, cursing, Alternate Universe (AU)
Pairings: Karkat/Terezi, Karkat/Gamzee (Written on a chapter-to-chapter basis)
Rating: T (Subject to Change)
Summary: When Terezi is diagnosed with a severe mental disorder as a result of her childhood, will Karkat be able to save her like he wishes? Or will developing problems in his own mind get in his way first? (Human!Stuck AU Story)
Who's crazy?
The one who can't cope,
Or maybe,
The one who still hopes?
The one who sees Doctors,
Or the one who just waits in the car…?
You weren't really sure when it had started; it just happened, no explanations given: the little glitches in her mood, the way she forgot things that didn't seem likely for her to forget, her sudden bouts of anger, an abrupt change in mood. You were aware that she had been abrasive, it was a given around her, but it started taking a turn towards a more violent, almost begrudged tone. You wondered if it was just the fact that you were gone so often now, going to school and studying to become biology professor, majoring in microbiology. But it steadily got worse, more involved and violent, louder and louder and more complicated until you confronted it.
"'Rezi? I think we need to talk." You had stated, simply, as she sat on the couch one day, her knees drawn to her chest as she fingered the braille pages of a book on the arm of the piece of furniture.
"Oh? About what, Karkles, did I forget something again? I think you make stuff up to make me feel bad sometimes! Hehehehe…"
"'Rezi, what's wrong? You've been acting different lately, is someone making phone calls? Are other people in the complex bothering you?" she turns a page and fingers along the lines, silent, "Terezi?"
"Hehehehe~"
"Goddammit, Terezi, answer my damn question!"
"Nothing's wrong, Karkat. I'm fine." She pretends to be absorbed in her book.
"No, something's wrong, I'm sure of it. Is it a mental thing? Do you feel depressed lately? I can't fucking help if you don't tell me."
"Maybe I don't want your damn help."
"….What?"
She turns, and smiles at you, blind eyes behind red glasses and a smile like a 1000 watt bulb.
"I didn't say anything!"
She then turns back to her book, and a heavy silence falls over you two. You're tempted to ask her again, but she seems to have deemed the conversation over, so, you grab your book-bag, your keys, and your jacket.
"I'll be back around Three-thir—"
"I know."
"…"
"What?"
You open your mouth to speak, but decide against it, shaking you head, "Don't get into trouble while I'm gone…" you pause for a moment, and then walk over, kissing her forehead tenderly, "I love you, 'Rezi… I'm just trying to help…"
"I know you are."
"Do you want me to call Nepeta to stay over?"
"No, I'll be fine! If you don't go though, you'll be late."
"Shit, you're right." You make your way for the door again, but her voice stops you.
"Karkat?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you… Have a good day at school."
"I will."
And the subject was dropped.
But, of course, things like this are always bound to get out of hand. There is never a moment where something of this nature does not spiral out of control, out of your hands and into the far reaches of space. You continue to notice that Terezi gradually gets worse; she irritates easily, sometimes she snaps or lashes out at you violently, sometimes she'll cry for no reason, and something particular…
Sometimes, she acts like she's another person.
She doesn't remember anything you might have said that day, and her demeanor does a near 360 in terms of personality. It even has a name.
It calls itself PyralSprit. PS for short.
PyralSprit is almost the complete of how Terezi normally is, or was, in this case. It complains, constantly, about how it's blind, and instead of using Terezi's cane, it sniffs things out, licks them, uses its sense of touch; Almost as if it's attempting to avoid using the cane. It comments on everything you do, snarky and irritating, saying how it could do them better. How it was better than you were, in every way. Sometimes, you wanted to smack them, to just strangle them to shut them up, but every time you turned to look at the owner of the voice—
It was Terezi sitting there, and how could you ever hurt her?
"Don't think I don't know how much you wanna try to hurt me, Karcrabby~"
"Shut up."
"You just hate me so much, and you can't bring yourself to beat me~!"
"Shut. Up."
"I wonder how long it will be before you just get so fed up you—"
"Shut. UP." You snap, and PryalSprit seems surprised at the sudden change in attitude, a smirk creeping up on its—No, Terezi's, face.
"Heh. Maybe you're not as weak as I thought! I might actually be entertained like this!"
You're positive you've never wanted to deck someone more in your entire life, but you couldn't. You can't, it's her. It's her, but it's not. The body is hers, but her mind isn't there. You tug at your hair, and scrub your face with your hands, and glance at her, mind there or not, and repeat the process over again. Something had to be done. You didn't want to have to force her to do anything, how could you do that. After what your father had done to her? How could you do anything to harm her, after you've grown so close, after you've told her you love her…?
But you give in. Within the week, you're sitting in the office of a psychiatrist, foot tapping rapidly on the aluminum floor as you slide your tongue between the gaps in your back teeth in anticipation. Terezi is sound asleep on your shoulder, since you had to wake her up early just to bring her into the office and have them poke and prod her, ask her questions and record her answers. You glance at her out of the corner of your eye, noting her features.
You've taken her glasses off, since they seemed uncomfortable when one was trying to sleep, and soft, auburn eyelashes are visible against barely-tanned skin. Her thick, almost anime-like styled hair curls up around her face and flips out in the back, a dark-brown color with almost maroon-like highlights. It gave her hair a russet color effect, almost like the color of granite, in your opinion. Her nails are painted with teal tips, her pointer finger with a careful, tedious, golden dragon design on it; the paint-job done by Terezi's close friend Nepeta, who had an avid crush on you all of high-school.
You carefully slide your fingers together just as the door to the office opens, revealing an old man, around the age of 66; wiry, gray hair balding at the top of his head, hands thin and boney with years of meticulous work about chemicals, messy signatures, and microscopes. He examines a clipboard in his hand for a moment, scrubbing his hand over his mouth, as if wondering how to proceed.
"Mr. Vantas, I assume?" He looks up at you, over-top thick glasses, and you make a noise of acknowledgment, so he continues, "Well, I do apologize for the long wait. Such matters as these require the proper time and assessment before we may move on, now…" He looked up again and pointed a finger at Terezi's sleeping form, glancing to his clipboard, "We ran… several tests on her… cell counts, hormone checks, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…"
"And? What did you find? There's gotta be something wrong with her, fuck, she keeps having these weird mood changes! She acts like she's someone else and snaps at me all the fucking time when I haven't done anything! Sometimes she says shit that doesn't make sense and talks to people who aren't there, like "Senator Lemonsnout", wherever the fuck that came from…" You scowl for a moment and look up at the Doctor once more, "What the Hell is wrong with her?"
"Well, Mr. Vantas… We aren't absolutely certain, but we are about 90% sure that your wife—"
"Girlfriend."
"Excuse me?"
"She's not my wife. She's my girlfriend." You say, bluntly, squeezing Terezi's hand a little tighter as the doctor nods.
"My apologies, your girlfriend. Mr. Vantas, we are almost positive that your girlfriend, Ms. Pyrope, is subject to mental disorders." He puts it gently, looking at you for your reaction as you rub the bridge of your nose.
"Alright, that doesn't fucking help, though. Exactly what is wrong with her?"
The Doctor inhales, as if preparing himself mentally before he speaks to Karkat very calmly, "Mr. Vantas, your girlfriend, Ms. Terezi Pyrope, has contracted DID; Better known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is also…" he pauses again and sighs, "It is also the beginning stages of Schizophrenia."
You blink a little. There was medication for that, right? It was just a mental thing, so surely there was meds for that.
"Alright, how do we cure it?" You ask.
"Mr. Vantas, I'm afraid there is no treatment for this."
"….What?"
"There is no cure for these disorders." The Doctor states again, "There are some medications that may help control the symptoms, but it will never go away. I'm terribly sorry."
And that was the end of that. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Just be there for her, no matter what….
"…est….iend….? Bes… Frien...? Best friend?" Karkat's eyes opened slowly, blinking the bleary color out of them as he rubbed them with the back of his hand, the person's voice finally reaching his ears, "Best friend? Haha, bout time you woke up, motherfucker! It's a motherfucking miracle, 'cause you got class in half an hour! Heheh."
"Oh… fuck, man, why didn't you wake me up earlier? Goddammit, Gamzee!" The shorter male, whose height is clocking in at about 5'8 right now, stands up abruptly, rubbing the sleep out of his face as his friend leans back in his seat in the library, grinning lazily as usual.
"Well, damn, I didn't wanna wake a motherfucker from his nap! You looked dead-beat, man; you been staying up with Ter all night again?" The man raises an eyebrow at Karkat, who grumbles in acknowledgment, "You gotta stop doin' that, bro, she'll take all the life outta ya'. Why don't you let her chill at my place for a night, you can catch up all your sleep? I know how to treat a sister, no worries, best-friend. I make motherfucking miracles happen."
"Gamzee, there's a snowball's chance in hell I'm letting Terezi stay over at your house for a night, not with all those fucking drugs you have. She could die from some of the things you make!" He growls and Gamzee puts his hands up defensively.
"Alright, no worries, man. But if you ever need a break from her, I could always spend time with a motherfucker like that, she's cool." He grins, and it's lazy and relaxed, though some might find it seductive if they looked at it the wrong way; Karkat knew better than that by now, though. He grunts in acknowledgement and digs his phone out of his pocket, checking the time.
"I should run home really quick…" he muttered and Gamzee sighed.
"Karkat, dude, you gotta trust her to take care of herself! I know you're worried, but you can't miss your classes for her. Call and tell her whatever you need to tell her, and she'll take care of herself. Miracles can happen if you put out a little trust." A smile tugged onto his lips as Karkat debated it in his head, running a hand through his hair, his heart thumping in his chest with some sort of worry or fear.
"…I need to see her. Can you give me a ride? Your car smells like pot, but it'll get me there quicker than walking. I gotta stop and get my books anyways…" he mutters, stuffing his phone back into his pocket as his companion shrugged.
"Sure, I'm down for it, let's go before traffic gets too heavy." He got up lazily, and sauntered to the door, Karkat shuffling close behind him, muttering something about having a project he needed to finish this weekend as they went.
It wasn't long before they arrived at Karkat's apartment: a dingy little place for cheap just outside the big city, near smaller suburbs. It wasn't huge, but it was big enough to house him, Terezi, and their few belongings comfortably. Shutting the door behind him, he began to walk towards the apartment, turning around to see Gamzee not far behind him, "What are you coming inside for? I'll only be a few minutes…"
"I wanna see Ter! Haven't talked to her in a long while, you know? Gotta check up on my sister and shit." He lets out a soft snort of a laugh and Karkat opens his mouth to argue with him at first, and then decides it's not worth it, unlocking the apartment.
"Alright, just… wait here until I say you can come in, okay? Got shit in the way, don't want you to trip…" Gamzee made a noise of acknowledgment and lit up a cigarette, leaning against the brick of the wall and taking a drag, seeming content with waiting for a moment as Karkat shuffled into the dim light of his abode. There were several boxes in the living-room, he noticed, that had not been there this morning. They were labeled with "Jury", "Defendant", and "His Honorable Tyranny", and from a hook in the ceiling from when they had hung up Christmas lights, there hung a yellow, stuffed dragon toy Terezi had bought from some store. There was a sign around its neck, labeling it "Accused", Karkat noticed with a soft snort.
Carefully maneuvering his way to the room in the back, the one him and Terezi shared, he knocked on the door lightly, waiting until he heard "Come in!" before opening it, peeking in with a tired smile, "Hey, 'Rezi…"
"Oh, Karkat! I thought you had classes soon, what are you doing home? Did you come to speak with Inspector Cherrybottom about the fingerprints on the table in the living room? They're not yours, and they're not mine! They must belong to someone else! There has been a crime committed here, I am sure of it!" She went on, as Karkat hung his head a little and ran his hand through his hair again.
"'Rezi, you need to take your meds…" he muttered and she stared at him before smiling.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Karkat! I threw those silly things in the dumpster this morning!" she exclaimed, humming and speaking in hushed tones to something unseen as Karkat furrowed his brow.
"What do you mean you threw them out? Terezi, do you know how expensive those pills are? You need to be taking your medication properly, like the doctor said!" He lashed, his voice rising above the calm tone he had adapted earlier as Terezi narrowed her eyes at him.
"I'm not taking those damn drugs! You want me to end up with an empty head like Gamzee? Those pills are government-issued, no way am I taking them! They're fucking me up when there's nothing wrong with me! The Doctors are wrong, Karkat!" She pouted some and Karkat growled in return to her tone.
"No, Terezi, there is something wrong with you! That's why I got you those pills, so you could feel better! I wouldn't make you take them if I didn't think they were helping you! You need to go find those pills before tonight, and bring them back here! You're taking your damn medication, whether you like it or not! I'm not being mean, I'm doing what's best for you, and you know it!"
"There's nothing wrong with me, Karkat! I'm fucking fine, Jegus! It's bad enough you pretend Senator Lemonsnout and my forensics team don't exist, but now you're saying I'm fucked up when I'm not! Lies are evil, Karkat, they attract bad spirits! You must not tell lies! I'm not taking those pills, they take my friends away! Why should I give up my friends because some doctor mixed me up with someone else? Stop trying to corner me!" She raised her voice as well and Karkat tugged at the hair on the sides of his head in exasperation.
"Terezi! Will you fucking listen to yourself! There is no Senator Lemonsnout, or forensics team, or bad spirits, or government scandals! I'm not lying; you're just not paying attention! You need to take that medication, do you understand me? If you don't go out and find that fucking medication by the end of tonight, I'll bring Vriska over here and let her deal with your crazy ass for once!" he shouted at her, abruptly turning on heel and slamming the bedroom door behind him, grabbing his books off the couch and kicking over one of the boxes in anger as he stormed out the door in a huff, making a B-line for Gamzee's car as the man with the smoke looked up.
"Oh, bro, you look motherfuckin' pissed. I thought I heard yelling, what happened back there? You catch her cheating or something?" he asked as he dropped his cigarette on the concrete, snubbing it out with the toe of his shoe as Karkat leaned his head against the passenger's side of the vehicle, thumping his fist off of the roof of the car once before cursing and turning over, setting his hands on his head and his back against the car, "That bad, huh? What happened?"
"She won't fucking listen is what happened!" Karkat screeched as he banged his hand off of the car again, regretting it afterwards as he rubbed the skin, "She won't listen, Gamzee! She doesn't listen to a word I fucking say, unless it's about something stupid and nonsensical! She keeps insisting shit is there when it's not! She makes up these stories, she hides things and claims it was a ghost, bad spirits-! She refused to take her goddamn medication, and throws it in the dumpster!" He breathed, heavily, attempting to calm himself as his heart beat loudly in his chest, his palms sweating, a headache coming on; he had to prevent that.
"Damn, Karkat… See. I wasn't around my uncle enough to know about all that… but you live with that shit on a daily basis, how are you still sane?" he joked and Karkat scoffed, leaning his head on the cool metal that began to develop a filmy dew from the moisture in the air, "Maybe you need a break, man."
"I can't take a damn break, Gamzee… If I don't take care of her, who will…? I can't fucking leave her, and even if I could, I'm not about to. What kind of dick would I be if I left a girl because she didn't understand what was wrong with her…?" he shook his head a little, "It's just… frustrating… how am I supposed to help her if I can't get her to take her pills…?" he questioned.
"I don't know, man." Gamzee stated plainly, "Guess you'll just have to motherfucking wait and see what happens…" the man checked his watch, "Oh shit, we gotta run. You got class, I got a date with a hot bowl, hehe." He made a suggestive motion with his eyebrows and Karkat facepalmed.
"As if I need to know about what drugs you want to do when you get home, fuckass. Just drive already." He said, slipping into the seat, shutting the door and buckling up. There was a small moment of silence before Karkat spoke again, "Do you think I can fix it…? I know there's no cure but… do you think I can do something to just… make it easier? Make her life easier, and mine?"
"Well, like I said, you could always drop her off with someone, bro, there's plenty a' people who'd baby sit for a few extra bucks, ya know? Just ask around, you'll find someone, hehe." He suggested, leaning back in his seat in a relaxed posture as he drove.
"I can't just drop her off with someone else, Gamzee!" he facepalmed again, "They don't know anything about her. They don't know her like I do, she'd die in a day."
"Well, you're gonna kill yourself like this, man. She's sucking the life outta you like that, you gotta catch a miracle and doing something with her, quick, before it gets much worse, you know?" he sighed.
"I know…" Karkat muttered, begrudged, "Take care of her and hope for the best… that's all I'm doing…."
"Now you're getting it, bro! Relax a little, it's god for ya'! Trust me, I got your back if anything goes wrong." The male grinned, punching Karkat's shoulder playfully as the other snickered.
"Yeah, thanks man… definitely appreciate it…"
"No problem, best-friend, anytime. Just hit me up, hehe, I can watch sis for ya'. She won't be a problem at all, I'd have it handled." Karkat rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, while she's high as a kite, sure you would." He sighed a little and rubbed his temples, "I just want her to cooperate for once…"
"All you can do it wait, Kar. It's a waiting game, all of it, trust me. You'll figure it out in a little time, promise." He chuckled a bit before nodding in Karkat's direction, "Dude, what's up with that?
"What's up with what?"
"Dude…" he gave him an uneasy look, "You've put hand sanitizer on your hands like, 3 times in the last 4 minutes. Where'd you even get that…?"
"I…." Karkat furrowed his eyes, "…."
"I don't know."