disclaimer: If I lived in Britain and were a bit older, I still wouldn't be J.K.
A/N: okay, tell me if you find mistakes.
Review please! :) I would make my day
Enjoy!
Loved by lost ones
Draco sat quietly on his bed and stared at the floor. He had been doing this for twenty minutes, ever since he got his fathers letter.
Blaise, Draco's best friend, had tried for ten minutes to get Draco to tell him what had happened, even though he might know what it was about. But Draco just stared on the floor in his attempt to forget. He didn't speak in fear of losing it, or break down in tears.
Blaise sighed and got up to leave. He stopped at the door and turned around.
"She would not want you to sit here all by yourself all day. It's not getting her back you know," he said, and he saw Draco tense before he turned around and left.
How did he know? How could he possibly know what had happened? How could he know He killed her?
He killed her.
The words stung him like knifes. He shivered.
How could He think Draco would work for him now?
Draco clenched his hands; they turned white, as he thought of it. Fool.
Draco got up to leave, he couldn't stay there. He had to get somewhere else, were he could think better. He was angry, mad and sad. He didn't know what to do with himself. He was so angry he didn't even know where his feet took him, and moments later he found himself in the Astronomy tower. He immediately relaxed and forgot about the anger. But the hopelessness overwhelmed him as he looked up at the stars.
How he wished to be one of those stars, no problems, no sadness and most of all, no loss. He could just look down at the world and consider himself lucky.
He wished he would meet someone who would love him as much as she once did, someone that would know the real him behind this mask he had to wear every day, someone who didn't judge him after his past, his charades and his future.
He wondered if she was up there, looking down at him, and hoping he would make the right decisions. What if she sat there and hoped he would meet the one. The one he wished for, whoever she was. He knew she'd always wanted the best for him; it didn't matter, as long he was happy. She was the only one who knew him, the real him. She was the only one who loved him, who dared to. And now, she was gone. She would never come back. Never would she look at him with that special smile when he'd done something good. She would never again shine up when he'd come home from school after all those months. He would never have that person who new something was wrong with just one look, and never would he have that warm and caring hand on his shoulder that always made things better, no matter how bad they may be. Never will he have someone that would let a tear fall for him when he stepped out the door to be gone for a long time. Never.
I won't let you down, he thought as he wiped away a lonely tear that silently rolled down his cheek. And he left, just as the lonely, and the most beautiful, star fell and disappeared. That star would watch over him day and night.
Draco walked through the corridors, ignoring the shouts of anger and pain from those he'd knocked down.
He flew the doors of the great hall open and looked around. Every pair of eyes was upon him.
"What are you looking at!?" he yelled through the hall. The younger students turned to their friends and food in fear. His classmates though just continued to stare at him as he walked down the tables until he found Blaise and, to his misery, Pansy. As if his day could get any worse.
"So you've finally stopped sulking and come here to be social, eh, mate?" Blaise said and clapped Draco on the back.
"Shut up Zabini," growled Draco and his eyes shot daggers at him. "I just needed some time to think," he said as he took some chicken and lay on his plate.
"Why where you sulking Drakie?" Pansy said in her disgusting sweet and innocent voice, which made both Blaise and Draco shudder.
"None of your goddamn business Parkinson!"
"Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the cage today," said a voice behind him.
Oh just what he needed. A pothead, Weasel and mudblood, great.
"What makes you say that Potter!?" he heard Pansy's irritating voice.
"Oh, I'm just thinking of the fact that he is a Ferret!"
Draco turned to look at the three intruders, just to find two.
"Well, well, well, have you finally figured out what a total waste of space Granger really is?" he said as he pretended to look around for her. "Where is the mudblood anyway?"
At the mention of Granger, Potter stiffed and Weasley looked like he was ready to kill.
Draco smirked, one that didn't really reach his eyes. Weasleys ears turned the familiar color of scarlet.
Draco was sure he was going to say something, but with a look from his friend, he closed his mouth and walked away. Potter watched him go and turned back to Draco.
"Don't you dare talk about Hermione like that in times like these! As a matter of fact I would shut the hell up and be quiet if I were you!" and with that, he also walked away.
At this point, Dracos smirk had been long gone. What the hell was he talking about? What happened to Granger?
He kind of got his answer when he came back to the Astronomy tower after supper. There, at the window with her knees up against he chin and pressed to her body, sat Granger. She looked out over the grounds and on the stars. The moon made her hair shine and her shadow painted the floor in the darkest blue.
He approached her and leaned against the opposite frame of the window. He too looked out over the grounds, and saw two dark figures run over the grass towards the forbidden forest. Potter and Weasley no doubt. He turned his head to look at Granger for a moment. He saw her eyes follow the dark shadows and when the disappeared she looked up in the sky again. Her eyes glowed in the moonlight and she had been crying.
She let out a sob.
"Are you crying Granger?" He asked with a sneer, but he couldn't escape the softness in his voice. He cursed himself for it.
She didn't even bother to look at him. "So what if I am? Just leave me alone Malfoy," her voice wasn't demanding nor angry; it was pleading and begging him to go away.
He sighed and he sat down on the window across her. He may be cold hearted and he may hate, no strongly dislike, the know-it-all, but he couldn't stand a girl crying. Even if it was Granger.
They sat there in silence and watched the stars. Draco heard the sobs of Granger, and after five minutes he couldn't stand it anymore.
"Okay, so what happened? What did those two dimwits do this time?" he asked and leaned his head against the frame.
"Why do you even care?" he heard her whisper.
"I don't, it's just driving me crazy to hear your sobs all the time," he said with a smirk, which still didn't reach his eyes. She ignored him.
"What are you even doing here?" she asked after a few seconds.
"It's not like you own the place you know."
He didn't smirk as he looked at her rolling her eyes, which still was on the stars.
"I came here to think" he said and turned his eyes on the dark forest. It was awfully peaceful and quiet.
He could feel her eyes on him, but continued to look at the forest.
After a few minutes of silence she said:
"I come here to think too, it's quiet and there are only people here when there are lessons. No one bothers you up here,"
"Yeah I know what you mean," Draco looked away from her, he couldn't let her see the sadness his eyes held, he couldn't let her see him weak.
"Really? Do you come here often?" he knew she was trying to make a conversation, he didn't know why though, but he could still hear the tears and sobs in her voice. He really wondered what has happened between the golden trio.
"Sometimes, mostly when I want to be alone," he said. "The Slytherins wouldn't bother to come up here anyway, not when they don't have to."
Silence. Draco heard a sigh, and looked at the girl in front of him once again.
"What?"
The brunette snapped her head towards him, as if she hadn't realized she sighed aloud. She watched him for a while, ignoring his question, and said:
"What are you thinking of when you're up here?"
Draco lost his breath, what should he say? For some reason he couldn't be angry nor snap at her. It was something with this room that made him calm.
He sighed and figured; what would the harm be of telling her? It's not like she would laugh her head off at him, and he didn't think she would tell anyone either.
"If I'm telling you, could you promise not to tell anyone? Could you promise that this conversation will stay inside this tower?"
She nodded
"Even if I asked you to make the unbreakable vow?"
Her eyes widened, and she thought for a moment, held her breath and nodded slowly.
Draco sighed and thought of how he would begin.
"I- this- eh," he begun, he didn't really make any sense and he knew it. He looked out at the stars.
And he tried again:
"I got a letter from my father today, right after potions," he begun. He didn't dare to look at her, but he knew he had her fullest attention. "It said…" he sighed and he closed his eyes, "It said He'd killed her. Voldemort had killed my mother."
He heard Granger gasp, if it were because of the fact he'd use The name or the fact that He'd killed his mother, he didn't know. He didn't really care either.
He had opened his eyes now and was staring at the sky again.
"It hit me hard you know… that she was dead. I didn't know what to do; I just sat there on my bed and stared at the floor. I couldn't bring myself to talk to Blaise either, I didn't want to break down in tears."
The last part he said as a whisper, he knew she understood why, and for that he was grateful.
"For some unknown reason Blaise knew what happened, I guess he read the letter or something, I don't know where I dropped it. I came here after that, in anger, but I felt relaxed the moment I stepped in here. I don't know why, but I feel it now too."
Silence.
"I thought of her. Did you know she is… was… the only one that ever loved me? The only one who DARED to?" He forced a chuckle and he didn't bother to look at her, but he could still feel her eyes at him, they were sad.
"Don't say that, there must be someone who loves you," he heard her speak but he shook his head. "But what about Blaise? And Pansy?"
"Blaise loves me as a friend I guess," he said, but before he could give her the satisfaction of telling him 'See?', he said " but if he had to choose between life and me, he would choose life. And you know it as well as I do. Pansy is just that kind of girl that just follows you around; she just wants to get you into bed. I've never said yes, I know you and the rest of the school think I have, but that's not true. She just wants people to think we've done it. Every time I've said no, she quickly finds someone else. That's not love, just need."
He looked at her and saw her thinking, she opened her mouth a few times but shut it again, and she looked like a fish without water.
"Don't bother; we both know it's true. No one loves me."
The stars are very beautiful tonight.
"I'm sorry" he heard her whisper. He looked at her.
"For what?" he was really confused.
"For your mother, I know how it feels. That's… that's why I'm up here tonight to." She looked down at the floor. Draco stared at her, what did she mean?
"One year" she said before he could open his mouth. "Today its one year ago my mother died. At my father's hands."
Draco saw a tear fall from her eye and hit the floor. He sat in silence and watched her.
"He is an alcoholic you know, and when he get's too much to drink he hit her."
She shuddered.
"Before Hogwarts, he hit me too. I was so glad when I got my letter, finally I would be free. But at the train station I saw the worried look on my mothers face, and it suddenly hit me; I would leave her alone with my father. I couldn't believe I could be so selfish, and leave her there all alone. I couldn't allow myself to get on the train. I started to cry and my mother got down on her knees and hugged me, and whispered in my ear; 'Don't worry about me darling, I'll be fine. I'm just so glad I know you'll be safe, that's all I have ever wanted'."
She was crying now, and Draco couldn't blame her. He knew what it was like to have an abusive father.
Draco got a bit uncomfortable. He didn't really know how to handle these situations. He just looked at her. He saw her tears flow down her cheeks.
Then it hit him.
"What do Potter and Weasley have to do with this?"
She looked away, but Draco could see her flush. What was this all about?
"I- it- It's kind of silly actually" She said. "As a matter of fact, it's REALLY silly."
Now… she was angry.
"What? Why are you mad at each other?"
"The thing is, they're idiots…"
"Eh, no kidding" Draco muttered under his breath. Granger gave him a look that told him to shut up, even if he was right.
"They only think of themselves."
Draco saw she was disappointed as she looked down on the floor. Then her head flew up and she looked at him with angry eyes, apparently meant for the golden boy and his sidekick.
"Did the really think I would be happy again after a clap on the back? Did they really think I would do their homework so they could go and play Quidditch? Do I really look that stupid?" Draco opened his mouth, "don't even answer that." Shut. If she could get any angrier, the ice on the North Pole would melt.
Draco moved a few inches away from her by instinct, he knew this girl could hit (his cheek was sore for a week after that punch in third year).
"They don't even know half of the story! They actually yelled at me to stop crying and put myself together. They…"
Her voice drifted away as she looked at the blonde boy in front of her.
"They don't love me, do they?"
Her eyes were pleading again, for him to answer, but yet, they were afraid to know. "They've just used me for all these years, right? Just for homework," she was now whispering with her eyes filled with tears. Draco just sat there and stared at her. He could feel her pain, he really could, but he couldn't show it.
Then it hit him, how much alike they were. His eyes widened as he looked at her puzzled look. All that's happened to him through the years had happened to this Gryffindor girl in front of him.
"What does it take?" he heard her whisper.
He looked at her; she was once again looking out over the sky. The moon made her features glow, she looked magical, so full of life, but her eyes betrayed her… they didn't have that spark they usually had. Her eyes were dead, they longed for something. Something that would make her eyes shine again.
"What does it take to…" she said again, but Draco cut her off.
"To be loved."
She turned to face him.
"What does it take to be loved?" he said. She nodded for him to continue. "What does it take to be accepted? To… to have someone who understands," he whispered. "Why is everyone in my life lying? How bad is the truth, if it gets covered up with lies?" He was really frustrated. He looked at the grounds just in time to see the two dark figures run up to the castle. "Life is hard. It really is."
Granger nodded.
"You know what? As much as I dislike you, I can't really escape the fact that our lives are very much alike." Now it's her turn to be confused. "Let me explain; I too have an abusive father, I don't even remember how old I was when I got hit for the first time. I've had a tough childhood, and I have proof," and he got to his feet and turned his back at her. He pulled up his T-shirt over his shoulders. What she saw made her gasp. His back was covered with long and ugly scars, probably after a cane or a belt. Draco pulled his shirt back down and sat down in front of her again.
Her eyes were wide and she had her hand over her mouth.
"My mum is also dead," he continued in a whisper as if nothing just happened, he was looking at his feet. "Isn't it strange though?" he asked and looked at her. "That they died on the same day?" he said as he saw her frown.
Hermione thought of it and nodded.
"And, as it appears, none of us has anybody left to love us," she ended for him. "The only ones in the whole world that has ever loved us are gone and they will never be back." She hugged her legs closer to her body.
Draco thought for a moment. These hours he'd been up her with Granger, had really changed him, or so it looked like. He wouldn't be surprised if his mask got back on the moment they stepped down from the stairs. But if felt nice to talk to someone, someone who knew what he was talking about. He couldn't hate her up here. They had too many chared secrets in this tower to have any reasons to hate each other. But reality suddenly hit him, what would happen next? They couldn't be friends, even if they wanted to, deep down. He couldn't be nice to her outside of this tower and he knew it. No one would allow it, no one would understand. For the first time they would care, they had never done that, but when it came to house unity, as Dumbledore like to express it, they would care. Now as he thought about it, he wasn't even sure if he wanted her friendship. They were the opposite of each other, even though they happened to have a lot in common. He was still a pureblood and she a mudblood.
He looked up at the sky and saw two stars blink.
"They still love us," he said with his eyes on the stars. "They are up there, and will always be, even if we forget. They'll watch over us, make sure we're okay. They will always be there when you want to talk; you know they will listen."
Her eyes were upon him, and she was amazed.
"Look at those stars," he said and pointed on the ones that blinked at him. "They will be our pathfinders in our loneliness and they will guide us through the hard times. The last thing they want is for us to be miserable and lonely because of them. Sure we can grieve them, but not for our whole lives, they want us to remember the good times, and be happy. Think about it, anything is better than what they were going through." She looked at the stars and the stars blinked at her too. When Draco looked at her, he got surprised. She smiled.
"Why are you smiling?" he asked softly.
"I don't know. I think it's because you're right. The last thing they want is for us to be sad, you're right. I can't believe it." She was actually smiling at him, her eyes too. They'd finally got life again. And it was because of him and him only.
And then he did something he never would have thought he'd do to this girl. He smiled to. Not smirked, smiled, a smile that reached his eyes.
"Hey, your eyes," she said.
"What about them?" he asked as his smile faded.
"They are alive again. I can't believe it," the last part she said as a whisper, still smiling a sweet innocent smile. Draco let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and the smile found its place again.
"I could say the same to you Granger," he winked at her and turned his, now living eyes, back on the stars. Hermione had done the same, and as they stood there they could have sworn the stars were smiling.
Even if this chared moment only lasted for this one night, it would never go away. It would always stay up there in the tower with the stars, and in their hearts.
They both knew things would get back to normal the following day, but why think of tomorrow when you live in the present?
A/N: so what do you think? Love it? Hate it? let me know! :)