Okay, second one-shot, first Naruto fic. This didn't really have much inspiration, except for the fact that my house has been invaded by builders and I desperately needed something to do that kept me away from them.
For those of you unfamiliar with the game 'Confession', it consists of two people who decide on some sort of contest between them that has an easily definable winner and loser. The forfeit for the loser is a confession from them, something that nobody else knows and is sufficiently embarrassing to make them desperate to win. Needless to say, it usually has hilarious results.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I would be at my wits end trying to think of as good plots and characters as it does have, so let's leave it to the professionals, shall we?
The tension in the cramped room had almost reached breaking point. An uncannily considerate bluebottle buzzed in through the open window, along with a hint of summer breeze, stopped in its tracks, and hastily buzzed back out again, conscious that its presence would only aggravate the persons present further.
Beads of sweat inched from temple to chin, collecting the support of their peers before falling to the low wooden table between the two young men.
Hatake Kakashi trudged desolately through the central street of Konoha. Today, of all days, Konoha's only bookstore owner had decided to take a holiday with his daughter to the Hidden Mist Village: God only knew why - no, of course, it was so he would get himself killed, therefore rendering it near to impossible for Kakashi to get his hands on the latest Icha Icha Paradise book. The masked silver haired jounin made a mental note to set up an exploding kunai trap outside the bookstore owner's home; he was just finetuning the details of this master plan when the sound of concentrated silence made him look up.
With a kind of detached surprise, the Copy Ninja vanished in his trademark cloud of smoke, reappearing in an instant at the open front door he judged to be the source of the concentration; he also happened to know that this was Rock Lee's flat. Hence the puzzlement.
The sight laid out before him as he slyly sidled into the room was a feast for the eyes indeed. All of Konoha's chuunin, Naruto, and Shikamaru were packing the walls of this smaller-than-average-flat (Lee's reasoning was thus: small space organisation discipline great ninja), which ordinarily was the size of a living-room, and seemed now to be reduced in space to a cupboard. With his one visible eye, Kakashi studied the scene: Naruto, kneeling on the bed with barely suppressed excitement; Ino, blonde hair falling over her slightly open mouth as she avidly watched the event; Hinata and Neji, both using Byakugan in order to take in every detail of what they were seeing; Chouji, a forgotten, half-eaten packet of crisps held limply in his trembling hands; Kiba, clinging to Shino's arm so tightly that it was quite possible neither could any longer feel their fingers; Sakura, bobbing anxiously next to the central table, as if watching an accident waiting to happen.
Kakashi's onyx eye widened in what, in any other ninja, would be called terror, as he shifted his focus to the very centre of the room. Rock Lee, seated at the table: okay. Gaara, Kazekage of the Village of the Sand, seated at the table: almost okay. Kankarou and Temari, one hand each on Gaara' shoulders as they stood behind his chair: getting further from okay. Look of murderous intent between Lee and Gaara: not okay.
"It excites your heart to see it, does it not?" said a voice from behind Kakashi's left shoulder in what it probably thought was a whisper, "The fire of youth within them, spurring the youngsters to yet greater and greater heights, inspiring the flame of success in their youthful spirits, urging them - "
"Cut the small talk and get to the shizzle, Gai." drawled Kakashi lethargically, not bothering to turn around to know who it was.
"Ah, Kakashi, my eternal rival, I see I will have to get up earlier than that to pull the wool over your eyes - indeed, I shall not go to bed at all! In fact, I will run a thousand laps around Konoha to teach me that discipline!"
"Gai."
"The youngsters are competing in a game of Confession. The Sand shinobi, because they have not Konoha's youthful heart, confessed to not having knowledge of the game, and so my brave, bold, selfless student, Lee, relieved them of their ignorance!"
"That doesn't mean that the entirety of Konoha's chuunin population have to come and watch. It's not an uncommon game," Turning to address the rest of the room, he commanded, "Ai, ai, don't you have missions to go to? Naruto, I thought you and Jiraiya were digging up information on Sasuke today?"
No response.
Kakashi hung his head in the most dejected way possible. "Rejected by my own student … " he muttered. He then brightened up at the realisation that Sasuke had also been brushed off. "To dismiss Sasuke … is this really so important?"
Shikamaru, just in front of Kakashi, intoned, without loosening his gaze on the central table, "Yes, Kakashi-sensei. Although it is troublesome for us all to watch, the mode of competition the Sand Shinobi decided upon was a staring match directly after consumption of the Curry of Life, being unaware of its properties, I suspect. The contest started at dawn."
Kakashi's stomach reminded him that it was long past lunch. Glancing at Lee and Gaara, he saw that whilst Lee's face looked its normal, pale, excited self, Gaara's normally paler face was definitely colouring. The chakra he must be using in order to keep his composure must be immense, though Kakashi, especially as his face is now the same colour as his hair.
An almost unnoticeable twitch under Gaara's eye caused the entire room to hold its breath.
"Come on, Fuzzy-brows, come on," muttered Naruto.
Temari and Kankarou's grip on Gaara's shoulders tightened, so Kakashi assumed that the redhead had shown signs of weakening.
"Gaara of the Desert, I will allow you to surrender honourably, as my teacher Gai-sensei would do," said Lee, an uncommon note of seriousness entering his voice.
A flicker of a smile traced Temari's lips. "You think the Kazekage of the Sand would be defeated by a mere curry?"
Tenten, Neji, and Naruto all gave a slight shudder at the memory of their subjection to the Curry of Life. They all nodded their heads silently; anybody could be beaten with that stuff.
"Hah! Gaara, show them what you're made of!" Kankarou boomed confidently.
" … nah mate … " Gaara croaked before tears ran down his face and he slumped forward onto the tiny table in defeat. Kankarou turned decidedly pale under his makeup. Temari looked as if she was going to hit somebody, very hard, with something heavy; most likely Shikamaru. The rest of the room, however, erupted either into loud cheers or, in the case of Shino, Neji, and Kakashi, small nods of acknowledgement at Lee's success.
Gai, tears brimming from his eyes, ran to his student and hugged him, the two of them dancing and shouting amid cheers of 'Youthfulness!' and 'Springtime of Youth!', among other youthful phrases. Sakura, carefully avoiding the two spandex-clad men, started to fuss over Gaara (with good reason; the pink haired medic ninja had been present at the creation of the curry and knew full well what was in it, much to her horror). Naruto, however, suddenly took authority.
"No! Gaara, the game isn't over!"
A hushed silence fell. Gaara tried to ignore the voice at the back of this mind telling him to kill them all rather than confess anything. In the face of Lee's expectant expression, however, he decided to be an honourable Kazekage. Stupid conscience …
"Gaara, you don't have to do this. Gaara!" Temari was now on the brink of hysteria.
The Kazekage of the Sand and former Shukaku container stood, with as much dignity as he could muster at a time like this. Lee stepped forward, around the rickety one-man table, and shook the Kazekage's pale, clammy hand.
"If you wish, Gaara, in the spirit of youthfulness I too will confess. Is this an agreement?"
Gaara thought for a moment, then inclined his head slightly. A yes.
"Very well. I, Gaara, Kazekage of the Village of the Sand, shall defile my name first,"
Sixteen pairs of eyes watched with bated breath for his next sentence.
"I - Temari - "
"Gaara, NO!" shrieked the sandy-haired woman. Gaara closed his eyes as if to block out the room.
" … I go bra shopping with Temari … and get discounts for customer loyalty … "
Nobody breathed. Nobody moved. Then: Hinata fainted. Naruto jumped up from the bed, yelling something incomprehensible. Ino passed a hand over her eyes, trying to block out mental images. Kakashi's mouth, not that anybody could see it behind his mask, dropped open. Kankarou's fingers twitched dangerously: this was an aspect of family life he would rather Gaara and Temari kept between themselves.
After a few very confused and very agitated minutes, during which Kiba managed to revive Hinata, Lee spoke.
"There is only one way in which I can follow that, Gaara of the Sand."
Neji reached out as if to shake Gaara, then seemed to think better of it. He settled for hissing in his ear, "Lee, you can't! Think of the cost!"
Rock Lee squared his shoulders and looked Gaara straight in the eye.
"I, Rock Lee, student of the brave, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, admirable, strong, courageous, unbeaten, skilful - "
"LEE!" shouted at least seven people - Gai not included, of course.
" - and honourable Gai-sensei, declare that - I do no … do not … I do not find green spandex at all comfortable!"
Maito Gai fell to the floor, inconsolable, sobbing, screaming, wailing. Kakashi felt obliged to step in. He looked at Gai; watched him sob uncontrollably; watched his anguish and pitiful state; then decided he didn't feel obligated after all.
Tenten patted Lee consolingly on the back, whilst the Sand shinobi edged to the door before anyone could notice. Sakura, unsure how to help and therefore angry with the world in general, hissed to Naruto, "Do something!"
"Er … " Naruto approached Lee cautiously, who was now sobbing on Neji's shoulders (who didn't look altogether pleased at this).
"Fuzzy-brows?"
"Yes, Naruto?"
"Does this mean you won't be wearing spandex any more?"
"Perhaps. My youthful heart can no longer live a lie … "
" … yeah. So, can I have it?"
Suddenly, Kakashi knew exactly how Gai felt.
You like? You don't like? I'll try a tactic to get reviews that works on me like a charm: if you review you get cookies in the shape of all the different Naruto characters! Actually the tactic used on me was Digimon keyrings, but it's the same principle, and an edible bribe is more tempting.
Actually, I don't review everything I read, but I'm getting better, so the more reviews I get the more other people get!
Thank you, and goodnight (by the way, the 'shizzle' line is a direct quote from me when talking to my friend, because I have got into the habit of speaking like a fake gangster. It's fun, try it sometime).