Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue. I don't own Twilight, so please don't sue.

Way to go me!

I was listening to the song, "The Crow & the Butterfly" by Shinedown, and I had this idea for a one shot.
Basically, this is Bella post New Moon, but before Jake. I hope you all like it!

Read and Review please!

~Unearthed Beauty.

I was just sitting there…day after day. Not doing anything productive.

I haven't read.

I didn't sleep.

I wouldn't clean.

I couldn't eat.

I haven't even been able to breathe right.

Well, not ever since he left... I thought bitterly but stopped as I gasped in a shuddering breath, trying to push those thoughts away from me.

Even though I say "I don't know why it is still getting to me so badly", I tried to ignore the answer that always came, "Because you love him".

But never helped ignoring it.. I still felt that sharp pang in my chest with every breath.

After I came to my senses, I swore to myself that I wouldn't think of him. Because every time he came into my mind… It felt like six-inch drill drove its way into my body, leaving a big gapping hole in its path.

So, I just sat there. Not moving, not seeing, not thinking.

Forbidden to remember, afraid to forget.

I was so sick of being in pain, that numbness was the only thing left. The numbness was wholeheartedly welcome.

***

It was rainy, like every day, when my dead heart broke out of its numb existence…

I had that same damn dream again, like every morning, and almost killing me in the process. I forced myself out of bed, and I sat on the front porch. It was four-thirty in the morning; and Charlie was already at work. He never checked in on me anymore... he got used to the screaming.

I was concentrating on the actual breathing, instead of the reason why I couldn't breathe… that I barely noticed that a butterfly flitted by my head and rested on the top of my car. And instead of my usual, 'watching the air three feet in front of me' I watched the rain drizzle onto my old, rusty, bulbous red truck; but I still never really saw my car while rusted in the rain: I was too busy trying to ignore the throbbing pain in my chest.

So today, I did the unforgivable... well it should be unforgivable. I broke my number one rule.

I let go of the numb, and I relished in feeling again because I knew that pain was the only feeling I would ever feel. And I wanted to feel right now.

***

I was running, tripping through the wood, calling a name that never made its way from my mouth; I was scared because I didn't even know whom I was searching for.

I forgot.

I knew there was a melody playing somewhere… no a lullaby. It sounded familiar, but I don't remember what exactly it sounded like.

I forgot.

I knew there was a beautiful person hiding from me… but I couldn't for the life of me remember the face if it stood right in front of me

I forgot.

It was like I was chasing the non-existent. I didn't know who I was looking for; I didn't even know if it was a person.

The scenes change and I stand at a cliff. I see something in the distance and I think it looks like the sun, hanging low in the summer sky, but the fog is closing in around me so quickly, it feels like I am being suffocated. So much, that I can't even distinguish my left hand from my right. It becomes so tight, that I feel like I am being wrapped in stone.

Slowly dying from loss of oxygen.

***

Like every time; after everything goes black, I wake up in a cold sweat: crying and screaming hysterically.

I barely felt the tears break free and fall down my face.

He wasn't going to come back and I knew he never would. He didn't care, he never did. I knew that now. I don't know how I could have been so naive as to think he could have ever loved me.

I hastily wiped the tears from my face, putting my numb shell back around me.

I sniffed, pulled the throw closer to myself; but fully knowing that I was always cold now, and it didn't matter that I tried to warm up. I only did it for Charlie so he wouldn't freak out that I couldn't feel the physical pain anymore.

With my numb shield surrounding me again, I walk inside the house hoping for at least one peaceful hour of sleep before school, knowing it wouldn't come.

So, I missing the crow chasing the butterfly into the wood. Not seeing that that was exactly what I did:

I chased him; only I was too late.

But I didn't want to feel that pain anymore. I didn't care.

I was numb.