Title: Still Loved By All
Summary: Draco, Champion of Muggles, is continuing his quest to be Loved By All
Chapter One
The dishes were piling high in the kitchen sink and moonlight was reflecting off the taps as they leaked little droplets onto a stained plate because Draco had forgotten to turn the tap all the way off. Again. Harry turned the nozzle a little more to stop the leak and continued on his way to the living room with a large tub of chocolate ice cream and half a dozen spoons.
"You obviously cannot be trusted, give me that here," Hermione snatched the remote control from Seamus' hand and deftly switched over from 'Playboys TV', "don't need that sort of filth on there."
"Aww, Hermione! University Challenge is so boooring!" groaned Ron, taking a spoon off of Harry and battled with Dean for first scoop of the ice cream. Draco elbowed both Ron and Dean out of the way, and going that extra measure by climbing over the footrest. He'd come off the marathon diet five months ago and ever since he had been savouring, worshipping and orgasming over every little bit of sugar he could get his hands on.
Slowing dipping his spoon into the soft ice cream, allowing it to roll and mould itself onto the concaved dip of the spoon, Draco extracted a scoop the size of an iceberg and popped the whole monstrosity in his mouth. Both Seamus and Harry paid close attention to the mesmerising spectacle that was Draco sucking on a spoon, with plenty of tongue action.
"Napoleon!" screamed Hermione, flapping her hands in the air at the television. This drew Draco's attention. Both voyeurs were disappointed when the blonde crawled back over the other side of the room to sit next to Hermione.
"What's this?"
"University Challenge. Like Mastermind."
"Mastermind?" repeated Draco, raising an eyebrow. As Hermione exploded in to a historical lecture on UK game shows, Harry tried to stop Ron from flicking chocolate smudges on the cream carpets and sofa.
"And then Harry dived like this," Ron swooped his spoon through the air, orbiting it in front of Seamus' keen eyes, "and then that stupid Hungarian twat came up from the right, like this…" Ron grabbed a beer bottle right from Dean's hand and used it to simulate the Hungarian seeker Harry had confronted last week. The beer bottle intercepted the spoon's flight which sloshed thawed chocolate onto the carpet, making Harry clench his eyes. "Then Harry came up from underneath, and stopped him like this, see!" The spoon made a vertical rush upwards, cutting up the bottle's path. As Ron continued a scene by scene recap of why Seamus should have bought that spare ticket, Harry's ears tuned into the conversation on the opposite side of room.
Draco was still chewing on his utensil and basking in the sweet glow of television, his eyebrows drawn down in a furious scowl of concentration as he tried to match Hermione intellectually. They both shouted out answers to screen and yelling at the ignorant presenter.
"Who wrote the essay 'The Poetic Principle'?" asked the TV.
"Edgar Allan Poe," said Hermione. Harry watched the death stare thrown in her direction.
"Correct. Who famously wrote that it is 'better to rule in hell than serve in heaven'?"
"Milton!" yelled both Hermione and Draco. Hermione eyed her competition seriously and Harry wondered if he was going to have to intervene, a nerd war might break out. Leaving Ron to desecrate his furniture with confectionery sport, Harry slipped around the sofa, inconspicuously moving closer to the impending Battle of the Swots.
"Yes, Milton. That's correct. For extra points, in Greek mythology, who was the unrequited love of Narcissus?"
"Echo!" yelled Hermione, her voice echoing just a little too loud. Draco laughed and patted her pityingly on the shoulder.
"Narcissus was gay," said Draco, "It was Ameninais."
Hermione looked like she was about to say something more but the TV proudly proclaimed, "Wrong. Earlier versions of the story, found one hundred and fifty years before Ovid account clearly states Narcissus had a male suitor. Ameninais. Next round."
"How did you know that?" asked Hermione, glaring at the spoon Draco was clutching like it had told her she was an underachiever.
"Ameninais killed himself on Narcissus' doorstep because his affections were not returned. As he died, he prayed to the Gods that selfish Narcissus would one day know the pain of unrequited love," Draco slid his eyes around the room as he spoke and Harry pretended to be inspecting the sofa cushions for Weasley-inflicted stains. "Narcissus found love in his own reflection, but when his reflection didn't return his advances, he killed himself too. His body became a flower, and the flower was named after him. My mother is named after this flower."
"Oh…" Hermione didn't look like she didn't know what to say to that, so she turned back to the television and weakly answered, "Hera."
Harry was immensely relieved that the topic had not been perused; Draco was always a little touchy about his family. Hermione's diversionary tactic worked because Draco once again engaged in screaming at the television.
"Harry! You've been to France. What are the women like?" called Ron. Harry shrugged.
"To be honest, women weren't who I was looking at."
**
Draco felt like shoving his spoon up Hermione's left nostril and waggle it about until her brains souped out. Did she not understand the cardinal rule? Never mention his mother. Or his father. Or his height. Or his weight. Or…okay, so there were a lot of 'or's, but that did not excuse her from shamelessly making reference to his mother. If he hadn't plans to get laid once everyone left, then he would have politely told her that dentistry was the caveman's solution to the cruciatus curse and beaver prejudice.
Instead, he ignored the plight of having to be friends with Harry's friends and shouted at the TV. Beating the Mudblood with her own intellectual forte was very gratifying, and if only he could steal back the tub of ice cream from the weasel, then he would be in heaven. And if he was getting a blowjob at the same time, but that might be a little too greedy, even for him.
As Draco contemplated the benefits of blowjobs verses ice cream, verses whether both simultaneously counted as gluttony or came under separate sins of lust and gluttony, Hermione continued to spew out a stream of answers.
"How do you know so much?" muffled Draco around his spoon. He liked the way the metal sounded as it clanked on his teeth.
"I study hard."
"No, I mean…you came into our world when you were eleven. How can you know all this Muggle stuff at eleven? I didn't even learn renaissance wizarding history until I was twelve. How can you know…" He made a vague gesture with the spoon, "all of this?"
Hermione smiled at him like she had not just insulted his heritage, "During the six weeks holidays I caught up on the Muggle curriculum and then I got a degree socio-legal. It really helped with SPEW."
That was another 'or' that she had broken! How dare she bring up her own incriminating involvement in taking away his slaves! House elves were in short commodity thanks to her and her silly elfin rights. Damn her. It had taken him two months to work out how to use a washing machine when she had asked Harry to accept an example to the wizarding world and give clothes to Draco's elves. Damn her. And damn Harry for listening to her. Elves in pantaloons were not a good look.
"So…you went to Muggle university?" Draco pointed to the people in the theatre box, "like they did?"
"Yes. I only did a year course. Intensive study," said Hermione, unaware of the weary look she was getting from Harry, "When I graduated, my parents were so proud of me."
"Why?" Draco grabbed the remote from its balance on Hermione's knee and put the television on mute, focusing his whole attention on her.
Hermione thought for a moment before reply, "It's like the highest achievement a Muggle can get. It's a full education. Like finishing Hogwarts, and then doing on to something higher."
"Like a job?"
"No, I mean, it's the highest education you can get. Complete knowledge almost."
"Complete knowledge?" repeated Draco, a sharp glint coming into his eyes, "And you said this made your dentists proud of you?"
"My parents," corrected Hermione, "and yes, it did."
**
"Do you think they loved you even more once you had all the knowledge?" Harry had a sinking feeling. A very familiar feeling. He wanted to throw up in the empty Walls tub.
Hermione didn't seem to be able to make the correlation love and knowledge that Harry could clearly see was forming. She could only say 'err…'
Harry on the other hand was wishing he hold sold that fucking TV when Draco had first spouted the words 'Flora' and 'Champion of the Muggles'. And he really wished he had bought a nice flat in Diagon Alley or some other wizarding quarter of the world where electricity didn't work, because Harry was sure the television was a transfigured apple from the Garden of Eden.
"Ultimate knowledge…Harry, I want to go to university."
Well shit.
**
TBC
Author's note: Right guys, sorry that it has taken so long to get this back up. I finally decided on a direction for this train wreck. There will be weekly updates, and I hope you all enjoy the ride…again, lol.