Proud of your boy-the case of Ritsu.
Ritsu looked defiantly into the mirror. He was wearing slacks, a shirt and a tie. His jacket lay on a chair behind him. He was visibly shaking and gripped his hands together nervously in a vain attempt to quell his trembling. Although he felt like he was about to vomit he smiled weakly at himself.
"some pride and joy…" he muttered, adjusting his tie. He frowned for a moment at his long hair tied behind his head. Maybe he should cut it? The thought made him feel like fainting, "one step at a time" he reminded himself softly. With a deep, supposedly calming, breath he picked up his jacket and left the house.
Today was a big day for Ritsu. He had both a job interview (his very first) and a lunch date with his mother. He tried to walk towards the building with confidence and grace, like Ayame but being in the crowd dressed as a man made him too anxious. He tried desperately to slow his breathing but people had noticed him. They were giving him strange looks. Oh God what he would give to be in a dress or a kimono. To be able to look at the ground and be invisible. He realised that he could never approach his prospective employers in such a state. Tears were already coming down his face when he ducked into a park. Sobbing uncontrollably he found a park bench to sit on.
"how can I ever face anyone like this?" he asked the birds who were hopping about expectantly for food, "I'm so useless. I know…I know that I'm not like Ayame I wasn't born…wonderful but I really thought maybe….how stupid was that? Why did I make a promise I knew I couldn't keep?" he watched the birds hopping about as he cried. He cried because he'd let himself down.
He'd only graduated a few weeks ago. The ceremony had been so formal, so magnificent. Of course his parents had shown up but as usual Ritsu had screwed up. In his worry he'd tripped over when accepting his degree and then burst into tears. He'd been so embarrassed and he knew his parents were too. It was too much, it was just too much. When he saw the other families laughing and smiling cheerfully at their sons he knew it was time he stopped being such a pain to his family. On the grounds he made a promise to himself. He would make his parents proud of him. He would give them the chance to laugh like that. He'd stop screwing up all the time and he'd get his act together. Now here he was, only a few weeks later, crying defeated in a park.
"I just wanted to make her happy…" he sobbed. He could picture his mother sighing at him, "I just wanted to see you smile at my success. I wanted to hear you say, 'well my son has gone on to be something really great.' I'm so sorry!" He wiped his tears away, "I'm so so sorry…". He tried to picture that proud mother, that woman who could confidently introduce her son to people, "I couldn't do anything then…not when I would turn up in a dress even after you'd begged me not to. I can't take that away but…I can't be so weak now. I can't give up can I?" he asked the birds.
"Hey mister" a little girl had come up beside him, "are you ok?"
He looked at her shocked, "uh…sure…"
She smiled, "oh good."
"sweety don't talk to strangers" scolded her mother coming over.
"Mister…" he whispered to himself, "I can do this" he stood and with one more deep breath strode towards his job interview as a young man with a goal.
Later that day he walked into the restaurant. He saw his mother was already sitting at a table, "hello mother" he smiled sitting down.
"oh…Ritsu! You're…you're in a suit!" she stared.
"yes…" he gulped, "I went for a job interview today. I think I did well…"
"Job?"
"yes a friend suggested I go for it." He stopped for a moment to breath, "she's a very nice girl actually"
"OH MY GOD RITSU!!!! YOU ARE GOING AND DOING ALL THESE THINGS???" she shouted.
"ah…ah…ah" Ritsu cowered but determinedly nodded, "yes."
She smiled at him, "lets see how long this lasts"
He sighed. How could he expect instant pride? No he could never ask for her to suddenly feel that way. He couldn't expect any trust at all but he would prove to her. She would be proud of her boy.
Extra Later that day
"Here's the bill" the waitress put it cheerfully on the table and bounced away.
"Let me mother" Ritsu smiled and picked it up. He opened his wallet and counted the notes, "Oh god! I haven't got enough! WHAT A TERRIBLE SON I AM! NO WOMAN COULD EVER IMAGINE GIVING BIRTH TO SUCH A CRETIN! I DON'T DESERVE TO CONTINUE ON SO SHAMEFULLY. I'M SORRY MOTHER! I'M SO SO SORRY!"
"NO I AM SORRY FOR EXPECTING YOU TO PAY…IT'S MY FAULT FOR BEING A TERRIBLE MOTHER!"
I suppose it's still one step at a time…;