Gintama- The Silvery Perm of Destiny
Shinpachi: The Land of the Samurai. It's been a quite a while since our country has been called that. Twenty years ago, a race called the amantos…
Gintoki: Oi oi, this again? Do we really need to include this bit? They've probably all watched or read Gintama before you know…(and if they haven't then I should send them to hell).
Shinpachi: Well Gin-san I just thought we'd explain a bit of backgrou….wait what the hell is that title supposed to be! Perm of destiny? Are you serious with that? That's not the real title damnit! Who the heck would want to read that? Are you trying to make sure that no one ever reads this or something? And what the heck's with this layout. Is this a play or something? Is the author just lazy? Add some descriptions damnit! Oh and Gin-san, don't just include such an ominous threat in brackets like its an afterthought. They sure as hell wont watch it or read Gintama now. What kind of main character threatens potential fans?
"Now now Shinpachi. Don't get your glasses in a twist." Gintoki said, his silvery perm glistening in the light as he looked down at Shinpachi's pitch black frame.
Shinpachi: Hey! Don't just say glasses like it sounds like panties. And the author is picking a fight damnit! Am I just glasses to you too? Is that all I am?
Kagura: Gin-chan! Gin-chan! Shinpachi doesn't wear panties. Last week I saw him wearing a loincloth. So it should be 'don't get your glasses in a loincloth.'
Shinpachi: Eh? Wait, Kagura-chan, that's not right either and….wait a minute. Why the hell did you see me in my underwear in the first place?
Kagura: I was looking for sukonbu in your closet and you barged into the room and stripped.
Gintoki: For shame you pervert.
Shinpachi: Why the hell are you making ME out to be a pervert when she was watching me change from my bedroom closet? And what the hell makes you think I would have sukonbu in my closet?
Gintoki: Hey now Shinpachi, she went through a traumatic experience. See, now she's crying. Poor thing.
Shinpachi: The hell she is! She's just sitting there reading Jump and sucking on sukonbu.
Gintoki: When experiencing the terror of a serial exhibitionist the best thing to do is have two doses of Jump to calm your nerves.
Shinpachi: Don't say it like you're some kind of doctor administering prescriptions to your patients! And why the hell are you making me out to be some kind of freaking pervert? Are you trying to make the readers hate me? Its already bad enough that I'm plain but now they'll think I'm just a plain pervert.
All:…..
Gintoki/ Kagura: Jan-Ken-Pon!
Gintoki: Hmph, better luck next time rookie. Better gain a few levels if you want to compete with the likes of me.
Kagura:…Gin-san, why does paper beat rock in Janken?
Shinpachi:….
Gintoki: Well Kagura. The name kami says it all. Kami overlooks everything, they are the guardians of this world and all the others out there. It beats rock because kami is kami-sama. Now, Jan-Ken…
Shinpachi: OI! Why the heck are you just ignoring me and playing Janken by yourselves? And what the heck was that story. You're just mixing paper with Kami from Dragonb*ll Z aren't you!
Do you think you're in that manga or something? You're deluding yourself if you think you're like G*ku! If you'd be anyone, you'd be Y*mcha!
Kagura: Hey Shinpachi! That was mean. No one wants to be Y*mcha. Even Y*mcha doesn't want to be Y*mcha. Look, now Gin-chan's crying.
Y*mcha: *sob*
Shinpachi: Oi! Don't screw around with the names as you please. Don't think you can get away with things just because you cry a little.
Kagura: SU-KON-BU!
Chinpachi: Hey Kagura-chan don't just go wandering around my house as you please….eh? WHAT THE HELL? Don't go messing around with my name! Chinpachi? What the hell is that? Did you think I wouldn't notice it if you just changed the font style? Don't make the author do such stupid things!
Gintoki-kami: Calm down Shinpachi. Your glass will crack if you keep this up.
Chi*kopachi: ARGHHHH! STOP IT! DON'T MAKE MY NAME SOUND SO DISGUSTING! AND LEAVE THE TEXT ALONE! 'MY GLASS WILL CRACK'? DON'T MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A PAIR OF GLASSES! DO YOU REALIZE THE AUTHOR WEARS GLASSES TOO? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE HER FEEL BAD?
Gintoki….you're right. I have been to hard on you. But don't worry…you have a fine pair of lenses Author-san.
Shinpachi: Aren't you supposed to apologize to meeeee? Don't address the author as a pair of glasses too! And why the hell did that last comment sound like a sleazy innuendo?
Author: It's alright….in the end all I will ever be is a pair of glasses.
Shinpachi: What the hell have you done Gin-san? She's super depressed now! My apologies author-san. Gin-san was very rude just now.
Author: ...
Gintoki: ….Oh. I see what you're up to Shinpachi.
Shinpachi: Eh?
Gintoki: Getting the author's favour huh? But your efforts are in vain, no amount of editing can overcome your plainness. Tut tut Patsuan, treating a lady like that. I'll escort you away from this young ruffian author-hime (I think lovely straight hair would suit me magnificently). Would you care for a cup of tea? (I've always wanted to pull off a perfect kamehameha. But on the other hand I've always wanted to own a zanpakutō). Some dango? (I'd love to have Ketsuno Ana play with my joystick).
Shinpachi: DONDAKE! What the hell was all that about me trying to manipulate the author's favour? Weren't you talking about yourself? You clearly stated what you wanted her to do for you in the brackets!
Gintoki: ….
Shinpachi: And you should have kept the last one to yourself! Did you really think she would give you that last one? And seriously, how obsessed with Dragonb*ll are you?
Katsura: I want to defeat the shogun (Gintoki, long time no see).
Shinpachi: Oh great, another idiot shows up! And you totally got your words in the wrong place!
Gintoki: Where did you come from Katsura? (Iidiot. Go jump in a lake).
Shinpachi: Oi! Where the hell are you going with this Gin-san? You guys have some serious issues!
Katsurass: It's not Katsurass, it's Katsura! I coincidentally met Leader and she was kind enough to invite me to join you all for afternoon tea.
Shinpachi: Where did you meet Kagura-chan?
Gintoki: Seriously, where the hell did she run off to? Just how far would she go for sukonbu?
Kagura: I'm back!
Shinpachi: Ah, Kagura- chan. You really shouldn't have left the house without telling us where you were going to.
Kagura: But I didn't leave the house.
Shinpachi: Eh? Then where did you and Katsura-san meet?
Katsura: I'm afraid I can not disclose such important information to you at this time (I was in your closet).
Shinpachi: You just did you idiot! What the hell were you doing in my closet? Is this some new fad I haven't been told about? Why the hell is my closet so important to you people? Does it hold some kind of amazing properties other than a space to put my clean underwear. Is it a healing point like in a RPG? Is it a healing closet? Seriously, why the hell would the both of you just happen to meet in my bedroom closet?
Gintoki: Baka! You made it sound like an old reunion where you meet an old friend after not seeing them for fifteen years, only the friend is creepily hanging around in your closet for some reason!
Katsura: It's not baka, it's Katsura.
Shinpachi: This seems to be getting farther and farther away from the point. Actually, there doesn't even seem to be a point…
Kagura: Shinpachi! Shinpachi!
Shinpachi: What is it Kagura-chan?
Kagura: He wouldn't give it to me. Even though I asked nicely.
Shinpachi: He? Katsura-san?
Kagura: No. I asked him after Zura left…
Shinpachi: …I have a bad feeling about this…
Kagura:…The Gorilla wouldn't give me his sukonbu.
Shinpachi: WHY THE HELL IS HE IN THERE AS WELL?
Gintoki: Were you guys having some screwed up meeting in Shinpachi's closet? And if so, why the hell was I not invited damnit!
Shinpachi: Gin-san that's beside the point. Just how much do you want to fit in?
Kagura: Ah Gorilla. What took you so long. (Give me your sukonbu or I'll crush you).
Shinpachi: Are you seriously still doing that? What the heck is wrong with you guys? We were supposed to stick to the script!
Gintoki: Quit whining Patsuan. Are you Nobita or something? Is that you Nobita? I see you're already in costume.
Nobita: Stop that! My name isn't Nobita. And this isn't a costume, it's my regular outfit damnit!
Kagura: So Shinpachi has always been Nobita?
Shinpachi: SHUT UP!
Gorilla: Now now. Don't pick on my little brother. Eh? Gorilla? But my name is Kondo, not gorilla. You can even call me Isao instead. Why Gorilla?
Gintoki: Shut up Gorilla.
Kagura: Go die Gorilla!
Shinpachi: And who's your little brother you Gorilla stalker? And what the hell were you doing in my closet?
Kondo: I thought I could meet Otae-chan if I waited around long enough.
Shinpachi: Why the hell would my sister be hanging around in my bedroom closet? She's not like you psychos! Just how long were you in there?
Gintoki: Uh Shinpachi-kun…Shinpachi-kuuuuun…
Shinpachi: What is it Gin-san? I'm kind of busy.
Kagura: Gin-chan is pointing at a Gorilla's anus.
Shinpachi: Eh, Kagura-chan? Are you talking to the readers? Stop breaking the fourth wall damnit! Wait a minute….what the hell? Are you for real? Seriously, how long were you freaking hanging around my closet? Couldn't you have left for a few minutes to take your dump and then come back? What the hell is wrong with you? Would you have greeted my sister in that shit-stained outfit? You disgusting…
Gintoki: Now now Shinpachi. Gorillas are primitive creatures. They aren't above shitting themselves in their cages.
Shinpachi: What cage? This guy just casually took a dump in my closet!
Kagura: Anegon enters the room.
Gintoki: Stop that! Have you taken the coveted role of the stage directions or something?
Otae: I'm home Shin-chan. Oh my, we have guests?
Gorilla: Otae-san! I love you! Marry me!
Otae: Now, Shin-chan. What have I told you about bringing disgusting creatures off the road into our house?
Shinpachi:…..I'm sorry sister. I think it climbed in through the sewage system.
Otae: WELL IT CAN GO RIGHT BACK DOWN THERE!
Kagura: Smash! Bang! Shitty Gorilla was defeated. You received Underwear smeared with Gorilla shit.
Gintoki: Hey Kagura. I don't think the readers need those sound effects to know that the Gorilla was just sent back to hell by a Demon Lord. And why are you making it sound like she just defeated an enemy in an RPG? Shit smeared underwear? What the hell kind of booty is that?
Kagura: No, no, no, Gin-chan. They're as valuable as Elixirs.
Gintoki: The hell they are! No one's interested in that kind of elixir!
Shinpachi: Listen. We really need to wrap this up so can we please get back on track?
Kyuubei: Tae-san! We've come to visit!
Jugem-Jugem Poop-Throwing Machine Shin-chan's Day Before Yesterday Underwear Shinpachi's Life Balmung Fezarion Isaac Schneider One Thirds Pure Feeling Two Thirds Worried-Over-a-Hangnail Feeling Though Betrayal Knows My Name I Know The Unknown, The Cuttlefish Tastes Kind Of Different Than It Did Last Time Because It Was Caught Near The Pond And Served With Oil From A Hoofed Mammal, pepepepepepepepepepepep Bichiguso-maru: *Monkey noise*.
Shinpachi: Oh come on! Are you serious? Why the heck does that monkey have to be part of the script. That name is taking away all the space for our lines. At this rate we wont even have enough to…
END
My God I fail at Gintama fanfics already. This piece was just me getting to the flow of things and trying my hand at a little Gintama humour. I want to know if this was accurate enough in terms of the comedy because I'm going to attempt to write a Gintama fanfic soon. Man I loved typing out Shinpachi's parts though (he's actually one of my favourite characters). I think I'm the exact kind of character that he is lol.
I really love Gintama (favourite manga and anime) so I really want to do it justice here so please let me know if this was funny enough. But mostly I think its just me pulling things from the deepest pits of my ass :D
I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS FROM GINTAMA BUT BY GOD I WISH I DID. I WANT TO MARRY YOU SORACHI-SENSEI! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A GORILLA!
I'LL LEARN TO LOVE YOU, GORILLA HAIR AND ALL!