A/N
Yes, this isn't the first adaptation of The Night Before Christmas that I've posted on this site. Yes, time constraints have led me to posting it after Christmas. Yes, this was inspired by an adaptation of the poem going by the same name in the Halo section authored by Quirel, prompting me to write in a satirical context in a bout of inspiration rather than depicting a homicidal Santa as I did in the Futurama section. Still, 'tis the season to have Christmas Eve poems delivered a few days late.
Or something. :)
The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the skies,
Space platforms stood ready,
To shoot rebels despised.
…
No sleeping bags present,
But soft comfy beds.
Gravity accelerators be blessed,
Sleep surpassing dread.
…
Wraiths in their hangers,
missiles in their tubes.
An effective defence,
And not at all crude.
…
No more inaction,
No more arses on fences.
Aliens, SOK,
They'd not touch our defences.
…
I suddenly rose to the
Sound of a clatter.
I accessed our sensors,
To see what was the matter.
…
Was Tarsonis at risk?
Foes here in a flash?
Like the twin Saras,
Down out in a flash?
…
Adjutants worked hard,
As they were needed.
A rogue ship was found,
No hails were greeted.
…
Not protoss not zerg,
Nor SOK on the wire.
The space platforms all thus
Proceeded to fire.
…
And Wraiths, and gunships,
Light cruisers too.
Starfighters, warships,
Nothing taboo.
…
Yamatos and nukes,
And Longbolt missiles.
We'd take out the ship,
Not greet it with smiles.
…
We fired on target,
Lasers did merge.
Missiles later,
On destruction converged.
…
The planet's sky,
Was lit up with light.
A fitting display,
For Christmas Eve's night.
…
Recovery ships later,
Did search the debris.
And what we all found,
Was a source of much glee.
…
Hab, snoke and turk,
And stimpacks to boot.
I broke up the team,
And accessed the loot.
…
Christmas Day came,
And I did wake up stoned.
As the night before,
Was not spent alone.
…
"Jacked up, good to go!"
Was my waking cry.
'Cause Christmas is better,
With stims at your side.